#yaoidutchess

[beyondtheeluvian]

I will never give up on you.

You are my sister and I'll always cherish and love you.

I will always hold hope and faith.

I will always pray for your happiness and safety.

... and my arms will always be open to you without a moment's hesitation to give you warmth in case you ever return. <3

[beyondtheeluvian]

just had to get this off my chest...

missing someone...

Some (most every) nights I just lie here and think of you... and I guess tonight I'm thinking of you harder than usual, because every other thought is reminding me of you...

And it's moments like this that I wonder if you're still thinking about me too-- if you still whisper 'goodnight' to me before you fall asleep each night when you lay down your head...  I still check my e-mail weekly to see if you've been there just to say hello.  I still wonder if you'd take any open opportunity to message me and see how I am... if you'd take the chance if you had it presented to you-- or if you'd seek out the chance to do so...

or if you've forgotten and are okay with moving on...

I miss you so much... and I just remember you wanted to try and get a hold of me whenever you could... so I check my e-mail whenever I can and pray you sought a chance to see how your old friend is doing.  Please come back soon, Deary...  God knows I need you...

please don't have forgotten me...

[beyondtheeluvian]

I'm... really missing you bad today, Sarah...

I know it's been so long that since we last spoke... but... just some days I sit here and think of you... and miss our friendship...

I miss the safety I found in you...

after I lost you I became so unstable...

I don't know how to trust...  I feel like third wheel all of the time...

You understood and knew how to handle my need for attention from you...

Even if you were busy with something else, without my needing to ask, you'd always make it a point to not even make it seem like you were busy, because you made enough time for us without having delays...

We RPed and talked every day... created stories and bonded, watched anime together, ranted together...

The wound of losing you the first time is still so fresh and deep...  It hasn't healed over at all from the day I lost you half a year ago...

I wish I was off work today cause I just wanna sit here and cry...  I miss you so bad...

My sister...

My friend...

I only pray that you can come back according to your own time, God's time, when you are ready...

I love you, Deary... *clings* I love you...

[beyondtheeluvian]

excuse me while I go dysfunctional for the next half hour...

Deary...

Every little message I get from you... even if it's just a 'hello.'  or 'olive you'. or 'miss you sis'.   ... or even just a 'hugsnsnugs'...

It brings tears to my eyes, clenches my heart, and literally makes me breathless.

Just to have even the slightest contact from you...  It just-...

It's a good thing, I'm not meaning it bad at all.  It makes me smile and reminds me that you are in fact here...

... You're still here.

... You're still okay.

... I just pray to God that you're happy.

My Dear friend.

My sister.

Olive you... <3

and you're always on my heart, and always on my mind.

I'm right there beside you.

Just please... never give up, my friend.

[beyondtheeluvian]

come the 17th I'll have waited 210 days for your return...

This has felt so much longer than that...

an eternity even...

I've missed you... I've missed you so much.

This wait has killed me.

I'm so excited yet so terrified at the same time.

You were the only one to text me in the morning just to wake me up cause ya missed me...

the only one to text me while I was at work asking me to get home early cause ya needed me.  Not cause something was wrong.  But cause you just needed my presence back.

I felt needed.

...wanted.

And I'm so scared that stuff won't return.  But you told me to trust in you, to trust that it would.  And I do trust you... just please... please come back.  *clings*

I miss you so much, Deary...

[beyondtheeluvian]

I just realized how screwed I am when Deary comes back...

She wakes me up at 8 AM almost each morning so we can talk cause she misses me... XD

...and doesn't want to wait until noon for me to wake up.

*has gotten into a nasty habit of staying awake until 7-8 AM before sleeping until 2 PM*

GUESS THIS HABIT'S GONNA HAVE TO BE BROKEN FAST, OR IMMA BE A TIRED BOO.

Olive you, Deary XD  I'll try to get to bed earlier from now on omg this is gonna be tough.

[yaoidutchess-blog]

RISE OF THE CLACKIANS

HEY PEOPLE.

If you were into Clack and Tumblr within the past two years, you may know me~

Yes, it's me. I'm alive!

AND WHY THE HELL IS THE CLACK TAG SO BLAND?! WHERE ARE MY FOLLOWERS TO BE POSTING CLACK?!?!? 

Sadly, this is just a quick post to inform you of my whereabouts.

I am not here permanently yet. I hope to officially be back on tumblr in a few months, but until then, here's a quick update.

If you weren't aware what happened, my parents found out about my life online. All hell broke loose. Had to delete my blog and I was grounded for several months. My life pretty much fell apart and even though now I am allowed back onto the internet, I am under very close watch. (thank god for mcdonald's with free wifi and friends who let me use their internet) 

Long story short. Life fell apart, had to go into hiding, my Uncle J.D. passed away, my Grandfather just passed away, several more of my family members are sick or dying, my Dad hasn't been the greatest (threatening to divorce my mom and other shit), it's been sucky. Not only that, but I've been away from my fandoms for too long. Lol.

I miss everyone. I miss my followers. I miss my friends. Sure, I can focus on doing other things (like blowing my brains out on TV and Video games. I am officially now a Whovian and I have beaten: FFVI, FFVII, FFVIII, FFIX, FFX. I am playing FFXII and FFIV. And I replayed most of my games.) ANYWAYS.

I will be back! If I get the chance, I shall fill up my queue so that there is something to this blog. And thank you to all the clack blogs that have started since I've been gone.

SO. To all my old followers, miss you, hope you find me, and have a happy holiday.

[Hey everyone, friend-who-lends-Dutchy-internet here--you all should leave her some nice pictures in the tag <3  Even those horrible tentacle things. SECOND RISE OF THE CLACKAN. LES DO THIS.]

[roguetatertot]

YaoiDutchess is All Right!

For those who know and are worried about YaoiDutchess, I've been contacted by her via e-mail and given her permission to tell you all that she's just fine and is thinking about you all!

She says you deserve to know what happened so I'll explain as brief as I can.

Basically her father got a hold of her iPhone and saw she was participating in a smutty roleplay with a friend.  It caused a huge uproar in her family, and her parents took away her internet and her phone.  Please note that it was HER decision to delete her tumblr, not her father's.  

Currently she is only allowed on the internet under close supervision, but she has her iPhone to pick up wifi here and there to get on occasionally.  She still does not know when she'll be able to resume her internet activity unsupervised and to the fullest.

So there you have it!  She's perfectly fine and misses you all.