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On 2012 and the year past

Well, procrastination and an extremely busy schedule has led me to only start writing this post today, close to a week after the new year started. But still, better late than never right?

I look back at the year that's past, and can't help but feel that all in all, it have been a good year, one that's gone by too fast. I could barely grasp the months going by, and all of a sudden December came and went.

It might be funny, for me to say it have been a good year, considering that midway I went through my first and extremely painful breakup, one that left me in pieces after that.

The first five months were spent pretty much trying to maintain and salvage my relationship with the Ex that we both figured was breaking down yet at the same time, clueless on what we could have done. There were good times, a lot actually undeniably, but even through them the cracks were forming and showing, and how long could we turn a blind eye to them?

The months after the breakup feels like a blank now, full of emotional ups and downs, mostly the latter though. Other than the staycation which the best friends set me up for after my birthday beach picnic, which is quite possibly the best surprise anybody have given me for my entire life, almost anything else that happened in that period of time felt like a piece of memory lost to me forever.

But honestly, other than the breakup, I really cannot think of anything else that have been exactly that bad for me. In fact, with time, I'm beginning to even see the breakup as something good, or at least it brought about a few good things.

For one, it served as an impactful reminder of how much I have neglected the people who would always be there for me, always forgiving for the wrongs I've done - my parents, my best friends and my godsis - during my relationship with the Ex. And it wasn't that he needed a big part of my time, it was I who wanted to spend almost every moment I had with him.

Coming out of the relationship also left me so emotionally down that (pun not intended) I decided to come out to my parents, because I thought here on, I did not want them to not know this side of me. I did so first to my mum, then to my dad, and I am thankful that while they are somewhat accepting. And because of this, there's a part of me that is looking forward to the next relationship, knowing that I can be mostly (haha!) truthful about it to them.

Through the initial stages of moving on, I am immensely grateful too, for the support from my best friends and godsis, who met up with me all the time when I needed to be with someone, who rushed over to my place at the wee hours after I did something that made them worry, and for all the ears they gave to me pouring in all the same things I've said to them.

And in retrospect, the period I spent moving on matured me in many ways, especially in the way I look at being in a relationship, balance and all. And I've realized that the decision I made then was right. It made me, and him too definitely, very very sad, but still it was for the better for the both of us.

I still love the Ex, in a way that's beyond an ordinary friend but a lot less than a lover, and there's no doubt that I could fall in love with him all over again. After all, he is attractive in those special ways. But still, I've come to realize that he is not one whom I can stay in love with. So yeah, hopefully from here on, we can be the good friends we started out to be.

Relationship matters aside, I have spent one full calendar year being in the army as a clerk, and while it does have its stressful moments, I cannot feel thankful enough for being blessed with mostly pleasant colleagues and a caring boss, and of course being in such a comfortable environment. And although most likely in February, I would be down for a physical training for 2 months, I think it's jolly well time I stopped trying to run away from it and face it like a man. (Haha!)

I'm not really the sort that makes resolutions, knowing that most will end up unfulfilled, given my amazing amount of discipline in this area (laughs). But 2013 is really a year that I am looking forward to. 13 has always been a special number to me in my life, and I cannot help but feel this year will be great, but isn't this what everyone says at this period of time? Haha!

I'm looking forward to finishing my service to the army, and much much more life after. I hope I'll be lucky enough to land myself in the job I want at the Maldives, which will serve as my ORD trip too hopefully! Looking forward to even more gatherings with the best friends and the godsis, more family time, more exercise to get my body in shape. As for romance, I'll leave it to the cupids I guess. :)

Oh dear, that sounded like a whole chunk of resolutions. (laughs) At the end of the day year, the most important thing I feel for everyone, is learning to cherish and be thankful for what we already have, and that, should make us happy people.

Have a wonderful year ahead you amazing people reading this random space (haha!), I love you all very much.

Much love to go A.P.

#random musings #2012 #year past #love #happiness #moving on