When you have a hundred friends, losing one isn't so bad. When you have about three, losing one is a third of the people you talk to. A third of your daily human contact. Losing one friend is not something I can afford.
Over the past few days I've received a succession of phone calls from people I haven't seen or spoken to in months. I'm not the friendliest person you'll meet but there was nothing that stopped me from enjoying their company at the time. Things got in the way and those things led to other things and other things. Their presence faded in my life until eventually I was left with a Facebook news feed full of ghosts and empty promises to catch up, soon. I learnt how to enjoy spending time on my own.
He rang me and told me that him and his girlfriend had just broken up. "What? When were you in a relationship?" Could I really have been so clueless that my friends had entered and left behind whole relationships without it even registering to me? "You never had the time to see me or talk to me, so I thought I wouldn't push it." they tell me. "You're never there to talk to anymore", they say.
I'm too tired to wrap up this reflection/journal entry/whatever smoothly and with any sort of finality so.