“long story short, i survived thanks to some amazing people.”
di ko kalimot aning elementary days nako (grade 3) na ning sikat na ug maayo ang KathNiel unya ako, sige kog wonder ngano daghan kaayo ug gwapohan ni Daniel unya ako di jud ko gwapohan niya bisag unsaon. AS IN. WAY ATIK. LEGIT
then Marj (not her real name) came, she’s my first ever crush, and fan kaayo siya ni Daniel Padilla. ana ko sa akong self ato na ‘ganahan jud kay ko maka close ming Marj’ so akong gibuhat, nagpa as if ko na fan sa KathNiel esp ni Daniel (JUSKO THE THINGS I DID FOR THIS SILLY HAPPY CRUSH).
and then Marj asked me one time, “hala Anna, ganahan pud ka ni Daniel?” and the silly little lesbian in me answered with no hesitation with a big “YES! GWAPO KAY SIYA!”. diba conformity is so real na bisag bata pa lang ko para lang mabelong kos life ni madam crush. (over naman sa normative influence?????)
since then, dungan mig lunch, snack, and duwa duwa sa quadrangle. usahay dugay ko mouli kay dugay siya kuhaon sa iyahang mama mao ako siya kuyugan.
naa pay kausa na iya ko gipalitan ug KathNiel notebook kay lagi, fan mi. i thought what we had that time was real friendship (aside guro sa naka crush ko niya).
and when i got too comfortable hanging out with her, i confessed something she didn't really like.
“Marj, wa na ko gwapohi ni Daniel Padilla ay.” she was awfully quiet and without any words, she walked out. na hurt ang aking innocent heart that time.
and ever since then di na siya makig kuyog nako. na lugmok jud ko ato kay i thought if nakig sabay lang ko niya until sa mawala iyang pagka crush ni Daniel Padilla, our friendship will stay the same siguro.
anw, naka huna huna sad ko ani na time na mas okay miga na lang mi kesa ipadayon sa iyaha ang akong silly happy crush.
years passed, i reached high school. found friends–good and bad.
i was in grade 8 and transferee ko, wala jud koy friends ato kay bag o ra jud kay ko ato na lugar and skwelahan. literal na wala koy kaila gani. ingana ang feeling and then this friend group decided to adopt me. sa kana laging ihas kay ko, go rapud kay ko.
turns out, bad influence sila. ara ko naka suway halos sa tanan first nako. first inom, cutting classes, first pamakak kay mama, and so on and so forth. (walay bastos ok hmph!!!)
i was far too blinded. i followed them like a damned lost puppy. kung unsa ila gusto, adto ko so that they will keep me being their dear friend. i was so so scared to be left behind, to be discarded, and to have no friends. maong kung unsa pa ila buhaton, bahalag sayop, go ra ko.
and then niana man tong gwapa sa among room na, “crush unta tika Anna, barkada lang jud ka nila Joy.” (again, not her real name).
BAYOOOOOOTTTT. ANG PUMIKIT AY NAMULAT AT HINDI NA PUMIKIT ULIT LEGIT!!! (pink font kay gikilig ko ani na time)
after ato, ning buwag jud ko sa ilang friend group. nasuko pa sila nako ato kay ngano daw ning hawa ko or if ning snitch ba daw ko sa mga maestra huhuhuhu bayot wala, ganahan ra ko maka crush tong gwapa sa atong room nako. i was happy, in a way na nakakita kog kauban but di sa paagi nga happy ko kay mao jud akong gusto. i experienced bullying pud ato gikan nila na group pero keber, hapit naman sad year end ato.
and unfortunately, wala na siya naka crush nako kay bad record ko. #crossout #sakit.
grade 9 came and this is where it all started. diba ang pumikit ay namulat ulit? legit yan. as in. never na pumikit ulit.
i found good friends this time. they guided me sa saktong dalan (OVER!!!! but real). i realized this is who i actually belong to. i no longer need to swallow any agonizing and uncomfortable feelings just to feel like i actually belong. i do not need to pretend to be someone else for them to accept me because they accepted me for who i am.
even my ‘french-fries-dipped-in-sundae’ side, they accepted that. bahalag para nila ew na nga combo.
i knew they loved me for being me when my birthday came, i was actually really surprised to see them buy large fries and ice cream (na gikan sa sikat kaayo na ice cream-an duol sa among school) kay lagi, it’s my favorite. (tearing up)
imagine that, i knew they didn’t like it but when i tried offer them to take a bite (for fun ra jud unta), they did because they wanted me to be happy during my day.
and syempre high school will always end, and syempre ang bayot nag senior high. pandemic pa jud ni nga time and working scholar ko sa among school. timing pud na kani silang unom, working pud and classmates ra pud mi.
lahi lahi mi na teachers under sa pag working pero during lunch, ila ko pirme ginatawag para makig dungan nila. at first, syempre nauwaw ko. hilom ra jud kay ko gud and wa jud ko nakig sabay sabay nila pa.
naabot man sa time na pirme ko nila gina agda sa tanan nila hang out (which is magbasa basa libro sa library) (over naman sa good student???). pero mao to, mao ni among kalingawan during free time namo sa pag working.
naabot mig grade 12 na kami gyapon grupoha and this time, mas nakita nako why i stayed.
during the lowest of low sa isa sa among friend, all of us were there. when one of our friends needed help in terms of money, nag ambag ambag mi to help. no matter the need, we will extend help WHOLE HEARTEDLY.
and guess what? we all graduated with honors! ang isa sa amoa valedictorian unya ang isa 4th placer! ug tagnaa unsa ang nakuha sa bayot na Catherine? 4th placer sa SciCom ug Best Researcher ang bayot dzae! (yes i did that pero asa naman ni ron? Lord Jesus pls ibalik mo po ‘yan sa akin).
and you know what? this is the time when i slowly found myself. what i want in life, what kind of friends i will always look for in a room full of people, and what kind of friends i want to surround myself with.
i had enough of normative influence ever since i found these amazing people (grade 9 friends included hmp). okay na tong among confirmity na lang kay kung asa mi molaag or asa mi mangaon. di na ko anang usbon pa nako akong kaugalingon para lang ila kong dawaton. yikes never again!
and syempre, college friends also came into my life. wa ko ga expect bayot kay tuo kog lonely ko kay akong usa ka friend naa sa vetmed unya di align amo sched. ses bayot kay naa may usa ka gwapa diha na ning chat kalit sa akoa during siglakas and mao to, nagkadako ang amoang grupo. #recruitmenttothemax
so here we are now, Steve’s six little nuggets.
char di btaw five ra btaw mi so five little monkeys na lang jumping on the bed HWHAHAHAHAHAHA.
they made my life extra amazing and full. and finally, i truly truly found my people. this is the time i realized that i am willing to work on myself just to keep these people because they help me shape who i become and will become in life.
they made my stressful college days extra lighter. they stay beside me during my lowest and celebrated my smallest victories as if they were their own. lisod mangita ug friends na kabalo ka motabang sa imoha ug grow into a better person. ug labing lisod mangita ug friends na motabang sa imoha ug guide sa sakto ug mobawal sa imoha sa mga di maayo.
and i am glad i found them. and i am so glad they’re my friends. their presence gives me strength, reminds me of my worth, and trust me, they make the hardest days feel lighter.
i love you guys! bahalag cringe pero love will always be cringe no matter what since it means something deep and true. okay na ng atong confirmity kay kung asa ta magtambay, asa ta laag, asa ta mangaon, ug asa ta na country puhon molarga.
lesson learned: wala
char naa btaw, confirmity will always be there pero let’s be mindful how we conform. kana untang di maka daot sa atoa, ug kana lang ikaayo nato tas minimal rapud. again, the right people will always love you for who you are. u don’t need to alter anything about you. they will guide, support, and love you for the real you maong pamili mo ug saktong miga.