cat

i can and i will til the last stars disappear

[catmurmurs]

free will left the chat the moment everyone said ‘agree’… and i said ‘same’ like i had a choice.

[catmurmurs]

everyone waiting for a hero… turns out ikaw ra diay.

one small ‘are you okay?’ can lowkey save the day (bisan gamay ra, big impact).

[catmurmurs]

judging people without evidence? wow very scientific.

prejudice really said ‘I hate you’ before even saying ‘hello’ (kalma lang ta, di ta mang-away).

[catmurmurs]

not me saying ‘i agree’ and ‘yes po’ in the same breath like free will is on vacation.

[catmurmurs]

I critically evaluate messages using the central route unless kapoy, then automatic peripheral: ‘sige na lang.’ LOLOLOLOL

[catmurmurs]

social beliefs & judgment: ngano dali ra kaayo ta mu-assume?

okay but can we talk about how fast we judge people??? like first day of class pa lang, naa na dayon tay mini analysis sa tanan pareha aning mga ingani: “she looks intimidating.”, “he seems rich.”, “murag suplada.”, and “murag buotan.”

boom! instant character profile dayon oy.

that’s social beliefs and judgment at work. our brains love shortcuts. instead of gathering full information, we use beliefs we already have. the stereotypes, past experiences, cultural norms just to make quick decisions. practical siya, yes. but sometimes? medyo unfair.

when someone is quiet, people assume “snob” instead of “shy.”, when someone dresses confidently, people assume “attention seeker.”, when someone fails once, people label them “not smart.” like ngano? perfect ka? wa ka kasuway ning fail bisag once? and honestly, sa tanan tanan, mao ni akong pinaka hate. like ngano diay? di diay allowed ang taw masayop to the point over na dayon sa judgement? like grabe, one small observation = whole personality na dayon??? stop na ana guys ha. dagko na ta.

anyway, social beliefs aren’t always bad. they help us navigate the world. they give structure. they help us predict behavior. pero the problem starts when we forget that our beliefs are not always facts.

usahay, we judge based on our own insecurities. usahay pud we judge because it makes us feel safer. and naa pud usahay na we judge because that’s what we were taught.

and the scary part? people are probably judging us too.

BUT WHO CARES RIGHT? THEY CAN JUDGE ALLLLLLLL THEY WANT. WE KNOW OURSELVES BETTER THAN THEM AND THAT’S THE ULTIMATE FACT, BABE.

and that’s why i’m learning to pause. to replace “murag” with “maybe.”

maybe she’s just tired.

maybe he’s just anxious.

maybe i don’t know the whole story.

i actually practice thinking 2 lately. para asa pa na ang akong goal kay self-actualization if di nako sugdan mag thinking 2 diba?

social judgment is automatic. but kindness? that’s a choice.

and as someone still figuring life out in college, i’d rather be known as someone who tries to understand than someone who’s quick to label.

kay at the end of the day, we’re all just humans trying to survive our own silent battles.

pero ahak uy, kami man diay ang gihatagan ug chance atong isa ka question unya tulo ra mi kabuok nag letter D HWHAHAHAHA nadamay nuon ang uban kay ning sabay pud sa amoa HEHAHAHSHS. newayssss, lingaw ra jud kay to ang duha ka facilitations nga nahitabo.

[catmurmurs]

social thinking is lowkey wild (and kinda beautiful too)

so today i realized that social thinking is basically the reason why we overthink at 2am. but also the reason why we survive group works, friendships, and everyday life.

social thinking is how we try to understand other people like what they feel, what they mean, what they might mean (even when they just said “okay”. labi na karon na if mocold lang kalit ang imo kachat, sag unsa na dayon ang huna hunaon HELP). mura gani ug our brain is constantly decoding vibes. unsa kaha iya pasabot? okay ra ba siya? nasakitan ba to siya? naa ba kaha koy nabuhat sa iya? so on and so forth.

and as a college student, i see it everywhere.

when you hesitate to speak in class because you’re thinking, “what if ila ko judge kay sayop ako answer?” or kana sad imo tuyuon ug adjust ang tone nmo sa group chats so nobody thinks you’re mad, and kana pud moana kag, “okay ra ko” even if dili jud.

that’s social thinking at work.

but here’s what hit me: social thinking isn’t just about worrying how people see us. it’s also empathy. it’s choosing your words carefully because you don’t want to hurt someone. it’s reading the room. it’s knowing when your friend is quiet and asking, “okay ra ka?”

it’s kinda amazing how our minds are wired to connect. like, we literally survive because we care about belonging. we want to fit in. we want to be understood. we want to understand.

sometimes social thinking can make us anxious. sigeg huna-huna, sigeg analyze. but it can also make us kinder. more aware. more human.

so maybe next time i overthink things, i’ll remind myself that it’s just my brain trying to connect.

ps. nalingaw rajud kog tan-aw sa mga clips na putol putol 😭 mura ko akong lola na maglagot kung mabitin sa iyang gipang tan aw na chinese drama and mao to, sa akong pagkabitin atong Mean Girls na clip, ahat kog rewatch pag uli sa balay HAHAHAHAHAH.

[catmurmurs]

just your local girls out here solving world problems (WORLD PROBLEMS?!?!?)

talking about helping & peacemaking like the emotionally intelligent queens we are (talaga ba nhak? yes nhay!)

who knew conflict resolution comes with matching outfits, loud laughs, and “wait… let me explain” moments lolololol

if world leaders listened to our podcast (ehem president???), there’d be no wars — just snacks, soft voices, and “let’s communicate properly”

peace starts with us… and maybe with brown sugar from uncle brew too (THIS AINT SPONSORED WHAT?!?!?!)

[alittlesunshinee]

definitely added to my core memories 💛

#PREMEDdays

[catmurmurs]

our Premed Day last February 12 was both fun and exhausting in the best way possible. even though it was tiring, every activity reminded me why I chose this path, and the experience made me feel more motivated and proud to be part of this journey.

pero di jud madala ang kasakit sa akong paa pagka ugma kay gasige’g dagan sa field pangita customers na either mosmile or ismiran mi. HMPH. sige lang, bawi man sad kaayo ang 50 namo 🫶🩷

[catmurmurs]

“i hate you but i miss you and i love you.”

loving a woman shouldn’t feel like a battlefield, but my two years with you, it does.

prejudice doesn’t always come from the outside world. sometimes it slips into the space between us. into the way we brace for betrayal, assume harm, or punish softness before it has the chance to leave. we mistake defensiveness for honesty. we raise our voices before we raise our trust.

and aggression doesn’t always mean yelling. sometimes it’s withdrawing affection. testing loyalty. loving with conditions instead of care. hurting first because being hurt by another feels unbearable, like it confirms every lie we were told about ourselves.

but loving a woman should be radical gentleness. it should be unlearning the need to armor up. it should be choosing patience over projection, tenderness over trauma.

because when two women love each other, the world already asks them to fight enough. we don’t need to turn our fear into weapons against each other.

love shouldn’t feel like survival. it should feel like coming home – a home you deprived me to share with you.

i hate you. but i also love and miss you.

it would be much easier to hate you, to turn all this grief into anger so that i’d be grateful to have left you in my past, but the truth is, i do not hate you. i still love you so much. i just wished we didn’t let our aggression control us. i wish we chose to sit and talk about it calmly.

we may end in flames but God, he knew your laugh and voice is still my favorite sound and out of 661 songs in my spotify playlist, i would still choose your voice as my favorite. always.

there is no easy way to let you go, especially when i never wanted to.

[catmurmurs]

“long story short, i survived thanks to some amazing people.”

di ko kalimot aning elementary days nako (grade 3) na ning sikat na ug maayo ang KathNiel unya ako, sige kog wonder ngano daghan kaayo ug gwapohan ni Daniel unya ako di jud ko gwapohan niya bisag unsaon. AS IN. WAY ATIK. LEGIT

then Marj (not her real name) came, she’s my first ever crush, and fan kaayo siya ni Daniel Padilla. ana ko sa akong self ato na ‘ganahan jud kay ko maka close ming Marj’ so akong gibuhat, nagpa as if ko na fan sa KathNiel esp ni Daniel (JUSKO THE THINGS I DID FOR THIS SILLY HAPPY CRUSH).

and then Marj asked me one time, “hala Anna, ganahan pud ka ni Daniel?” and the silly little lesbian in me answered with no hesitation with a big “YES! GWAPO KAY SIYA!”. diba conformity is so real na bisag bata pa lang ko para lang mabelong kos life ni madam crush. (over naman sa normative influence?????)

since then, dungan mig lunch, snack, and duwa duwa sa quadrangle. usahay dugay ko mouli kay dugay siya kuhaon sa iyahang mama mao ako siya kuyugan.

naa pay kausa na iya ko gipalitan ug KathNiel notebook kay lagi, fan mi. i thought what we had that time was real friendship (aside guro sa naka crush ko niya).

and when i got too comfortable hanging out with her, i confessed something she didn't really like.

“Marj, wa na ko gwapohi ni Daniel Padilla ay.” she was awfully quiet and without any words, she walked out. na hurt ang aking innocent heart that time.

and ever since then di na siya makig kuyog nako. na lugmok jud ko ato kay i thought if nakig sabay lang ko niya until sa mawala iyang pagka crush ni Daniel Padilla, our friendship will stay the same siguro.

anw, naka huna huna sad ko ani na time na mas okay miga na lang mi kesa ipadayon sa iyaha ang akong silly happy crush.

years passed, i reached high school. found friends–good and bad.

i was in grade 8 and transferee ko, wala jud koy friends ato kay bag o ra jud kay ko ato na lugar and skwelahan. literal na wala koy kaila gani. ingana ang feeling and then this friend group decided to adopt me. sa kana laging ihas kay ko, go rapud kay ko.

turns out, bad influence sila. ara ko naka suway halos sa tanan first nako. first inom, cutting classes, first pamakak kay mama, and so on and so forth. (walay bastos ok hmph!!!)

i was far too blinded. i followed them like a damned lost puppy. kung unsa ila gusto, adto ko so that they will keep me being their dear friend. i was so so scared to be left behind, to be discarded, and to have no friends. maong kung unsa pa ila buhaton, bahalag sayop, go ra ko.

and then niana man tong gwapa sa among room na, “crush unta tika Anna, barkada lang jud ka nila Joy.” (again, not her real name).

BAYOOOOOOTTTT. ANG PUMIKIT AY NAMULAT AT HINDI NA PUMIKIT ULIT LEGIT!!! (pink font kay gikilig ko ani na time)

after ato, ning buwag jud ko sa ilang friend group. nasuko pa sila nako ato kay ngano daw ning hawa ko or if ning snitch ba daw ko sa mga maestra huhuhuhu bayot wala, ganahan ra ko maka crush tong gwapa sa atong room nako. i was happy, in a way na nakakita kog kauban but di sa paagi nga happy ko kay mao jud akong gusto. i experienced bullying pud ato gikan nila na group pero keber, hapit naman sad year end ato.

and unfortunately, wala na siya naka crush nako kay bad record ko. #crossout #sakit.

grade 9 came and this is where it all started. diba ang pumikit ay namulat ulit? legit yan. as in. never na pumikit ulit.

i found good friends this time. they guided me sa saktong dalan (OVER!!!! but real). i realized this is who i actually belong to. i no longer need to swallow any agonizing and uncomfortable feelings just to feel like i actually belong. i do not need to pretend to be someone else for them to accept me because they accepted me for who i am.

even my ‘french-fries-dipped-in-sundae’ side, they accepted that. bahalag para nila ew na nga combo.

i knew they loved me for being me when my birthday came, i was actually really surprised to see them buy large fries and ice cream (na gikan sa sikat kaayo na ice cream-an duol sa among school) kay lagi, it’s my favorite. (tearing up)

imagine that, i knew they didn’t like it but when i tried offer them to take a bite (for fun ra jud unta), they did because they wanted me to be happy during my day.

and syempre high school will always end, and syempre ang bayot nag senior high. pandemic pa jud ni nga time and working scholar ko sa among school. timing pud na kani silang unom, working pud and classmates ra pud mi.

lahi lahi mi na teachers under sa pag working pero during lunch, ila ko pirme ginatawag para makig dungan nila. at first, syempre nauwaw ko. hilom ra jud kay ko gud and wa jud ko nakig sabay sabay nila pa.

naabot man sa time na pirme ko nila gina agda sa tanan nila hang out (which is magbasa basa libro sa library) (over naman sa good student???). pero mao to, mao ni among kalingawan during free time namo sa pag working.

naabot mig grade 12 na kami gyapon grupoha and this time, mas nakita nako why i stayed.

during the lowest of low sa isa sa among friend, all of us were there. when one of our friends needed help in terms of money, nag ambag ambag mi to help. no matter the need, we will extend help WHOLE HEARTEDLY.

and guess what? we all graduated with honors! ang isa sa amoa valedictorian unya ang isa 4th placer! ug tagnaa unsa ang nakuha sa bayot na Catherine? 4th placer sa SciCom ug Best Researcher ang bayot dzae! (yes i did that pero asa naman ni ron? Lord Jesus pls ibalik mo po ‘yan sa akin).

and you know what? this is the time when i slowly found myself. what i want in life, what kind of friends i will always look for in a room full of people, and what kind of friends i want to surround myself with.

i had enough of normative influence ever since i found these amazing people (grade 9 friends included hmp). okay na tong among confirmity na lang kay kung asa mi molaag or asa mi mangaon. di na ko anang usbon pa nako akong kaugalingon para lang ila kong dawaton. yikes never again!

and syempre, college friends also came into my life. wa ko ga expect bayot kay tuo kog lonely ko kay akong usa ka friend naa sa vetmed unya di align amo sched. ses bayot kay naa may usa ka gwapa diha na ning chat kalit sa akoa during siglakas and mao to, nagkadako ang amoang grupo. #recruitmenttothemax

so here we are now, Steve’s six little nuggets.

char di btaw five ra btaw mi so five little monkeys na lang jumping on the bed HWHAHAHAHAHAHA.

they made my life extra amazing and full. and finally, i truly truly found my people. this is the time i realized that i am willing to work on myself just to keep these people because they help me shape who i become and will become in life.

they made my stressful college days extra lighter. they stay beside me during my lowest and celebrated my smallest victories as if they were their own. lisod mangita ug friends na kabalo ka motabang sa imoha ug grow into a better person. ug labing lisod mangita ug friends na motabang sa imoha ug guide sa sakto ug mobawal sa imoha sa mga di maayo.

and i am glad i found them. and i am so glad they’re my friends. their presence gives me strength, reminds me of my worth, and trust me, they make the hardest days feel lighter.

i love you guys! bahalag cringe pero love will always be cringe no matter what since it means something deep and true. okay na ng atong confirmity kay kung asa ta magtambay, asa ta laag, asa ta mangaon, ug asa ta na country puhon molarga.

lesson learned: wala

char naa btaw, confirmity will always be there pero let’s be mindful how we conform. kana untang di maka daot sa atoa, ug kana lang ikaayo nato tas minimal rapud. again, the right people will always love you for who you are. u don’t need to alter anything about you. they will guide, support, and love you for the real you maong pamili mo ug saktong miga.

[catmurmurs]

layo pa pero layo na

after a very tiring exam week, everything feels slower, but in a good way. kana ganing maka ana kag, “salamat tawn, Lord” kay grabe, my mind is sooo exhausted, yet my heart feels sooo full coz syempre i also had fun while stressing about my exams (over naman sa multitask?).

i’m so so so happy i made it through, especially with friends who turned stress into laughter and quiet support. seeing a real improvement in my exam performance feels like proof that the effort mattered. it wasn’t perfect, but it was progress, and that’s enough for now.

MAKA ROBLOX NA INTAWN MIIIII!!!!!

TAMBAY SA RONIN NA THIS!!!!

[catmurmurs]

“and you’re always free to begin again, and you’re always free to believe”

this specific line from “Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper” holds a very special place in my heart.

there was a time when i thought one mistake meant everything after had to follow it. lugmok na lugmok ako dahil sa pagkakamaling ‘yon na parang wala akong ibang maisip kundi ‘yon na yon. like once you chose a path, you had to stay loyal to it, even if it stopped feeling right.

but growing up teaches you something softer. you’re allowed to pause at kailanman ay hindi magiging mali ang magpahinga at huminga muna. you’re allowed to look at your life and say, “this isn’t it anymore.” no dramatic ending, no big announcement. just a decision to begin again in small ways. mahirap siguro pero kakayanin (pero pwede di lang lisdon ug taman, Lord?).

and belief doesn’t have to be loud either. sometimes it’s just trusting that the next version of you might understand things better. and i hope she does. i trust me. i know me. i know she can do it. i hope you will look back to this and say, “girllll nakaya nimo! go lang sa life!” (kaya nimo or else...).

[catmurmurs]

Diary excerpt

18th of January 2026

i am always a big fan of people who are naturally creative since there is no ounce of creativeness in me. the group huddle yesterday made me see people their creative and fun side. imagine that, from the smallest detail, they’ve managed to think of it differently that could align in our upcoming social psych activity. i think the best way to put it is that i am excited being with them since (aside them being my friends) the planned activity is cute and fun.

#socialpsychology

[catmurmurs]

last meeting, i realized it’s really up to people if they’re willing to grow up and let thinking 2 take over. rational & matured. frontal lobe fully developed at age 25? i’ll make it at 21. TRUST!!!

BYE THINKING 1. YOU’VE TAKEN OVER ME FOR SO LONG. ION WANNA LOSE MORE PEOPLE ANYMORE.

#socialpsychology

[catmurmurs]

contingent self-esteem HITS HARD coz wdym i've been dependent on my mom's approval just to feel worthy. me being 'tagapagsalo' in the fam just to be accepted being lesbian, me striving hard to have that good grades for her to boost me up, me doing everything she wants me to do so that she'll be proud, and me doing everything u can think about just to feel i truly belong. brooooo aint no way im tearing up just by thinking abt it LOL

#socialpsychology