#yimb

[youignitemybones]

disclaimer this is an edit

[earthtomaggie]

YIMB MASTERPOST!!!

Pt. 1 - Rough Dessert

Pt. 2 - Nightmares

Pt. 3 - I Missed You

Pt. 4 - Pools and Terraces

Pt. 5 - Stars and Starbucks

Pt. 6 - Lasagna Happy End

Pt. 7 - Beauty and the Bitch

Pt. 8 - Late Night Emergency

Pt. 9 - Hospital Reunion

Pt. 10 - Post Surgery Sex

Pt. 11 - Damage (and Self) Control

Pt. 12 - Welcome Home

Pt. 13 - 3x15

Pt. 14 - Fear

Pt. 15 - Pancakes and Burgers

Pt. 16 - Good Day Gone Bad

Pt. 17 - Angst & Peace

Pt. 18 - House of Music

Pt. 19 - Coffeeshop Showdown

Pt. 20 -  Phone Domination

Pt. 21 - Forgot Your Password?

Pt. 22 - Ambulance Ride

Pt. 23 - Coming Home

Pt. 24 - Falling

Pt. 25 - Alone

Pt. 26 - Fallen

Pt. 27 - Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

Pt. 28 - Love, Eat & Plan

Pt. 29 - Sweet & Rough

Pt. 30 - Baby Shopping

Pt. 31 - The Kitchen and the Car

Pt. 32 - Live in the Studio

Pt. 33 - Girls Day

Pt. 34 - Play Night

Pt. 35 - Consolation and Confrontation

Pt. 36 - Welcome to Paradise

Pt. 37 - On/At Fire

Pt. 38 - Sex Near The Beach

Pt. 39 - Faints & Regrets

Pt. 40 - Fights, Sex & Babies

Pt. 41 - The Shock and the Ring

Pt. 42 - Shoulders to Cry and Lean on

Pt. 43 - The Best Birthday Present

Pt. 44 - Santa Clause Through The Back Door

Pt. 45 - An Unexpected Meeting

Pt. 46 - Surprise Guest on NYE

Pt. 47 - First Encounters

Pt. 48 - I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A  Bad Idea

Pt. 49 - Seven Minutes in Heaven

Pt. 50 - A Home And A Necklace

Pt. 51 - Panic Closet (1)

Pt. 52 - Panic Closet (2)

Pt. 53 - Out Of This World

Pt. 54 - Orbis Epsilon

Pt. 55 - An Outstanding Piece

Pt. 56 - Making The Video

Pt. 57 - A New Hope

Pt. 58 - Models Everywhere

Pt. 59 - Hiking in Malibu (1)

Pt. XX - Rough Dessert Pt. 2

Pt. 60 - Hiking in Malibu (2)

Pt. 61 - Poolside, Bathtub, Bathroom

Pt. 62 - The One With Chris Pine In It

Pt. 63 - Difficult Decisions

Pt. 64 - Love Is In The Air

Pt. 65 -  Release Day

Pt. 66 - Rock Im Park

THE WEDDING INVITATION

Pt. 67 - A Day In Life

Pt. 68 - Finland

Pt. 69 - The Dress

Pt. 70 - Welcome To Saint Tropez

Pt. 71 - Dancing With The Stars

Pt. 72 - No Strippers!

Pt. 73 - Sham or No Sham

Pt. 74 - The Bachelorette Party

Pt. 75 - Rehearsals

Pt. 76 - I Do

Pt. 77 - Rio

Pt. 78 - A Hollywood Dream

Pt. 79 - Master And Daddy

Pt. 80 - Frankfurt

Pt. 81 - Messages

Pt. 82 - Into The Night

Pt. 83 - Thankful

Pt. 84 - Santa Baby

Pt. 85 - Mehico

Pt. 86 - Law and Order

Pt. 87 - Under Control

Pt. 88 - Cream

Pt. 89 - Pregame

Pt. 90 - And The Oscar Goes To…

Pt. 91 - Labels Are For Cans

Pt. 92 - Price Tag

Pt. 93 - Making It Interesting

Pt. 94 - Rough Dessert 3

Pt. 95 - Good Parenting

Pt. 96 - The Arrest

Pt. 97 - Bow Before Your King

Pt. 98 - Austria

Pt. 99 - Roofied

Pt. 100 - I’m On A Boat

Pt. 101 - Nonbeliever

Pt. 102 - A Rare Glimpse

Pt. 103 - Chocolate

Pt. 104 - Kings Of The Playground

Pt. 105 - Life Hacks

Pt. 106 - Christmas Miracles

Pt. 107 - The One With The Party

Pt. 108 - The Kids Aren’t Alright

Pt. 109 - Death By Flash

Pt. 110 - Birth

Pt. 111 - The Interview

Pt. 112 - The Day Off

Pt. 113 - Hair

Pt. 114 - Fighting For Independence

Pt. 115 - The Conference

Pt. 116 - Rebranding

Pt. 117 - Have You Heard The News That You’re Dead?

[earthtomaggie]

YOU’RE IN MY BODY Pt. 117 - HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS THAT YOU’RE DEAD?

Hey guys! As promised, here’s the new chapter for YIMB. i hope you enjoy it!

xoxo ♥♥♥

Pt. 117 – Have You Heard The News That You’re Dead?

 She lets her phone ring for at least five times. I’m pretty sure she does that on purpose to show me that I’m not worth hurrying to the phone. I tap my finger on the desk I’m sitting in front of and wait for my wife to grant me some of her time, until she finally picks up her iPhone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Maggie, it’s me,” I say with the softest voice I can muster; as if she didn’t know. “Do you have a second?”

She sighs voicelessly, showing me just the right amount of annoyedness. “Only a second. Noah and Ellie are at the playground with their Nanny but they should be back any minute.”

She’s such an über-mom and domestic… when I met that young, ambitious journalist I would not have thought that she might turn into this. “I need a favor. I… I have to go to the hospital.”

“What?” Is that concern in her voice? I’m not sure. “Why?”

I take a deep, dramatic breath. “My back is killing me at the moment. And my doctor wants me to get some tests done to… exclude some things.”

“Wha- I mean… what kind of tests?”

I shrug, even though she can’t see that of course. “Some blood test, an MRT, X-rays, stuff like that… You know how much I hate that stuff, and I’m scared of… well, I wondered if you might come with me, to hold my hand and… you know. Moral support.”

“I-uh… I’m sorry you’re having health problems again… But, I don’t think-“

“Please. I need you for this. I can’t do it without you!”

She releases her breath slowly, and I can tell she’s debating it in her head. “Alright, then,” she thankfully leans towards the right decision. “When is it?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Ugh, Jared… Why can you never plan ahead, why is it always on short notice with you?!”

“Sorry, they just told me the day this morning, it had nothing to do with me.”

She whispers something underneath her breath, then I hear some rummaging in the background. “The kids are back, just text me when to be where, and I’ll sort it out. I have to go!”

“Thank you. I love you, Maggie.”

She just groans. “Yeah, sure.” Then she hangs up.

I stare at my phone for a moment. Was this a victory now for me? Or will I regret this? I’m not sure anymore.

  The sun is shining brightly in typical Los Angeles fashion. I ignored the heat and dressed in a comfy hoodie and comfy pants; both printed brightly, both provided to me by Alessandro. I park my car nearby and try to walk through the pain in my back. I’m slower than usual; I like to walk as fast as I can normally, but lately it’s a struggle putting one foot in front of the other.

I get to the plaza where the small private hospital is that Doctor Rider usually does these tests at. For a moment I stand by the fountain in the middle of the open square and let the spray hit my face, while a couple of kids run past me with ice cream cones in their hands. I follow them with my eyes and find a beautiful woman standing there. The way she stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and her sunglasses on her nose I can tell… she’s not in the best mood.

I slowly approach her, and maybe even overdo it with the hunching. She hasn’t seen me yet, so I get to stare at her for a few moments. She got a haircut apparently; her hair falls in soft curls around her face, being only a little shorter than before. Her bangs have adjusted; she looks a bit like Wonder Woman. I love it. She’s wearing light ripped jeans and an off shoulder white blouse-shirt. The ache in my chest is back; I miss her so much.

“Hi, baby.” I smile brightly for her and kiss her softly on the cheek. She doesn’t respond to it, but she doesn’t push me away either. I can’t see her eyes through the sunglasses, but I can tell she’s sizing me up. Slowly she takes off her sunglasses. There’s pity in her eyes and she puts her hand on my arm.

“How is your back, Jared?”

I would prefer it if she’d hug me, or kiss me, but this is a first step! "I’m trying to treat it with ice, but it… it’s painful, and I won’t deny it.”

Together we start strolling towards the entrance. She has her arms crossed over her chest still, but she’s looking at me with worry in her green eyes. “Has the doctor said anything about… what it could be?”

I hesitate. Taking her hand in mine, I kiss it tenderly to gain some time, then I smile reassuringly. “Let’s not speculate, okay?”

She seems shocked, her hand presses against her throat. In a surprise move, she hooks her arm underneath mine and lays her hand onto my echelon tattoo while we walk inside. This is going better than I expected, better than I dared to hope.

The door opens automatically and opens the way into the lavish hall. A waterfall is behind the reception desk which is made of marble, just like the floors. There’s plants everywhere, but they don’t cover the stench of ‘hospital’, even if it’s just a private one.

“Jared Leto, I’m here to get some tests done for my back.”

The receptionist, a blonde young thing with bright LA teeth and a white dress that’s too tight and too deeply cut smiles at me, ignoring my wife behind me. She leans forward and pushes a pencil behind her ear. “Yes, first of all, we should get you out of those clothes, so that we can… examine you.”

My eyebrows rise and I painfully smile. “Yeah, well… where would I go for that?”

“Let me show you the way and I can lend a hand.”

I don’t think I have ever met a woman that’s so brash without even blushing. I turn my head to look at Maggie for a second. She’s just standing there with her mouth open, completely taken aback by what’s transpiring in front of her eyes. She shakes her head slightly to get out of her trance, then she takes an affirmative step forward. “He’s a big boy, he can take his clothes off without anyone’s help. Just tell us where to go, please.”

Miss Receptionist looks very disapprovingly at my wife, but then she folds and sends us to the first room down the hall on the right. Maggie walks me down the hall, but she doesn’t come into the changing booth with me. I don’t mind that though. One step at a time.

A few minutes later I come out, dressed only in a long white gown, my sock and my slippers. Maggie sits in a chair in front of the door and when she sees me, she laughs. Her clear, beautiful laugh is contagious, so I grin and twirl in front of her, only to groan in pain afterwards, pressing my hand in the small of my back.

“You look like you broke out of an asylum, with the beard and the hair and all,” she smiles and cocks her head. I mimic her gesture and lean against the wall.

“There was a time when you didn’t mind that at all.”

She slowly shakes her head, but her smile doesn’t cease at all, giving me hope. “Let’s not go there right now, please.”

Another nurse approaches us. She’s a bit older, a bit more mature, and she has a modest smile on her lips. “Hello, Mr. Leto?” I nod. “Hi, my name is Lisa and I’m going to accompany you to your tests and exams, and in the end the doctor will take a look at your back again.”

“This is my wife, she’ll come with me if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Lisa smiles and gives Maggie her hand to shake as well. We follow her to a room down the hall where she tells us to sit. “Alright, first I’m going to take some blood, then we’ll take an X-Ray and then I’m going to ask you to get into the tube for an MRI. Alright?”

“Sure,” I smile and offer her my left arm. While she stanches my arm, Maggie gets to her feet again and walk towards the window, looking down onto the square. “Where are the kids today?”

“With the Nanny. They have their swimming lesson today, so she took them there and later they’ll go for ice cream.”

I nod. “Maybe I can see them later?” Lisa glances a look between me and my wife, but she immediately concentrates on her work again, like a true professional.

“We’ll see,” she says non-committedly while watching the bustle outside. “Let’s see how long this all takes.”

It takes a long time. After taking the blood, Lisa leaves us for almost half an hour until she gets me for the X-Ray. After injecting me with some radio activity, she takes me back to the room where Maggie waits and leaves us again with two cups of tea.

Maggie and I don’t talk a lot. She’s focused on her phone, scrolls through endless tweets and emails. I slowly pace up and down in the room. I hate waiting. And sitting still hurts basically as much walking around, so I’d rather be walking.

“Have you heard anything from London,” I ask her while staring onto the ground, not looking at her. “Did you get the job?”

“They haven’t decided yet. I’m still waiting.”

I sit down next to her for a moment and smile softly at her. “Can’t you reconsider? I think there’s a real chance you might get a similar position in New York. I’m sure we can find something. I thought I might ask Alessandro if he could pull some strings, and then we could see each other more often. Of course, I’d love for you to stay here in LA, but if that’s not possible for you, at least…”

Maggie sighs and looks around for a moment, then she cocks her head. “I’ll think about it, alright? I’m not promising anything, but… I’ll think about it.”

We both nod and for a moment, I feel like we’re back in that loving relationship, trying to pull through together. I have an overwhelming urge to pull her into my arms to kiss her; a year ago we might have taken a risk and fucked on the doctor’s desk. Maybe we can get there again? Not to ruin the moment with any more conversation, I get back up and start pacing again. Maybe it will all be fine somehow. Maybe.

“Jared,” I hear from behind me, only a small voice coming from the woman I love. “Jared, is there a chance you have cancer? I know what an MRI is used for, what are you… are they searching for a tumor?”

I turn around, cross the room as quickly as I can and cup her face with my hands. In her eyes is pain, I can see it, she’s scared for me. I kiss her softly and caress her cheeks while I try to look reassuring. “Maggie, I-“

“Jared,” Lisa pops her head back into the room. “We’re ready for your MRI.”

Together we walk into the room and Lisa tells me where to go and what to do, and she gives me some ear pieces. “Here you go, just get comfortable.”

When I look to the side, I see Maggie sneaking some pictures of me. She has a weird little smile on her face, but her eyes are still sad. I’d love to take her into my arms right now and comfort her, but I won’t. This needs to be done. I groan with that sweet relief of passing pain when I’m flat down on my back, and glance towards Maggie again, but she’s already leaving the room together with Lisa.

The time in the MRI is hell. It’s too confined, it’s too loud, it’s too uncomfortable. I hate it. When I get out I try to shake it off a bit, but it’s too painful to properly move. Lisa leads us back into the room without leaving us alone this time, and now Dr. Rider is standing there with his engaging smile that’s always promising the world.

“Jared, it’s good to see you. And I see you brought your lovely wife.”

“Yes, this is my wife Maggie,” I proudly introduce her and they shake hands.

“Mrs. Leto it’s so nice to meet you. Trust me, your husband is in good hands. Why don’t I have a look at this and then we know what’s what?”

He examines me thoroughly, looks at my back, feels my spine and the surrounding area, tells me to breathe, bend and whatnot. Then he looks at the X-Ray and the MRI. All this time, there’s no conversation, no clue to what he thinks; and yet my heartbeat is going so fast, I’m surprised they can’t hear it. It all went alright so far, but now it could all go to shits.

“So what happened, Jared? What rock did you fall off?”

Oh no. This is not how he should have brought it up. I would have loved for him to ease into the topic, but now… I can feel Maggie’s eyes burn a hole into my head. “Uh, what?”

Dr. Rider holds up the MRI and points towards a dark spot on the picture. “This is a lesion on your back, which looks a lot like a violent tear in your tissue. And since I treated you constantly for flesh wounds and the like that you received while rock climbing somewhere in the desert, I assume you also got this injury while doing that?”

My face is burning. This is embarrassing. For some reason, every aspect of making Maggie think I might die seemed perfect and well thought out, but somehow, I didn’t plan for this situation at all. “Well, I- I- the thing is…” I stutter until Dr. Rider arches a brow. “Yeah, I guess.”

I crave death. From the corner of my eye I can tell that Maggie looks at me with the most content I have ever seen. I’m sweating and blushing and I’m ashamed to the bone. I hardly hear the rest of what Dr. Rider says, I hear something about ice and pain killers and I can hear him mention my tour and stuff, but other than that I’m busy trying to force the ground to open and to swallow me whole. I only wake up again when Dr. Rider gets up and offers his hand for me to shake and says “I’ll call you with the blood test result.”

Maggie shakes his hand as well with a disturbing smile. “Thank you, Doctor, you definitely cleared up a lot today!” He looks a bit confused, but doesn’t comment and instead opens the door for us. As soon as we’re out of the exam room, Maggie starts stalking quickly towards the exit.

“Wait, Maggie! Stop!” I can’t run after her in this weird night gown, so I grab her by the arm. She turns around and the look in her eyes says she’s considering murdering me. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“You fucking asshole,” she hisses, pushing her finger into my chest. “You made me think for the last two days that you’re about to die! I thought you had cancer! I thought I’d have to bury you soon, while in reality you went CLIMBING AGAIN AND FELL?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

“I’m sorry, baby, but… they did the tests to prove that this is what it actually was! I didn’t know until now.”

“But that’s what you suspected, you ass! And you wanted to take advantage of me being afraid, so that I’d be more willing to try things again or go to New York and not London! You are a manipulative, mean, shameless-“

I take her finger and hold on to her hand when she tries to pull away. “I did it because I love you, and yes, I want you back, but… I did it for the right reason!”

“No, you did it because you didn’t get what you wanted any other way! Do you know me so little that you think you can regain my trust by treating me this way? By lying to me, again?! Seriously, go fuck yourself!”

With that, she turns around and storms past the people in the lobby staring at us. I dash into the changing room, the adrenaline and panic letting me forget my pain for a moment, and get back into my normal clothes to hurry after her.

I push open the door leading outside onto the plaza  and look for her between all the kids that are still here and other people hurrying past. I look left and right, but I wasn’t fast enough. Maggie is gone.

[earthtomaggie]

YOU’RE IN MY BODY Pt. 116 - REBRANDING

Hello! 

I decided to give this another shot! I hope you like it! If you’ve never heard of this story before, here you can find the first 115 parts (Geez!) of this story!

please share this if you like it! thank you!

xoxo ♥♥♥

Pt. 116 - Rebranding

 With my hand on the cold door handle, I take a deep breath. I bite my lip, trying to ignore the nauseous feeling that is trying to crush me every time we’re playing this little game. Shaking my uncut fringe out of my eyes, I then open the door.

“Hey,” he says with his husky voice and looks at me from underneath his thick lashes. I know he’s trying to unleash the mystic powers of his eyes on me, but those days are over. It’s just not happening anymore, no matter how good he looks. “I brought something for you,” he announces and from behind his back he produces a single pink peony. I cock my head and stare at my favorite flower for a bit. At least he remembers. But that doesn’t change anything. And it doesn’t make this easier.

Overwhelmed by the situation, I take the flower he’s holding out to me, and take a step back to let him in. “I’m afraid we’re not ready yet. Ellie is still in the bath and Noah is being impossible today…” I lead him through the apartment, leaving the flower on a side table, and go into the bathroom where Ellie is playing with an oversized yellow rubber duck in the water.

“Mommy, I want Pooh in the bath wit me,” she announces and with her paddy little hands she wipes her curls out of her face. “Hi Daddy!”

“Hello angel,” he smiles and kisses her forehead, kneeling down next to the tub.

I take the special shampoo I use for her hair off the sideboard and form her curls into a mohawk. “Don’t you remember, sweetie, kittens don’t like water. I don’t think Pooh would like to play with you in the water, but she’s just waiting for you to get out!”

And as if on cue, Noah and our little rescue cat Pooh walk into the bathroom. “Why are they called kittens and not cattens,” he asks while staring at the feline, but then he looks up and sees his father. “No!” Turning on his heels, he stalks out of the room, like only a five year old can, with the most sass and anger he could possibly fit into these steps, the cat following him like a loyal companion.

Jared looks at me, surprised and frowning, so I shrug apologetically. “He’s in a bad mood today,” I try to explain, but Jared can tell, that’s not the whole story.

Apparently he decides to ignore that though. “Can we talk? Please?”

I hesitate. I’m suddenly parched; I’ve been planning how to bring it up all night when I couldn’t sleep, and now he has done it for me. Suddenly I’m too scared though. I can’t do it. I need more time, so I opt for the diversion technique. “Why don’t we talk tonight? And why don’t I try to talk to Noah and you get Ellie dressed?”

He sighs softly and tries to wrap me into his eyes once again, but when he notices that it doesn’t work, he gives it up. “Alright, fine.”

I get up and step out into the hall where I turn around and look back. Jared looks odd these days. Even though he was named one of the best dressed men in the world by GQ lately, to say he embraces the hobo style would be an understatement. Gabe Saporta’s hobosexual style was nothing against Jared now: shaggy hair, wild beard, clothes that don’t go with themselves… so odd. But the way he persuades Ellie right now to get out of the tub and wrapped up into a towel, I cannot deny one thing: he tries to make an effort to be a good father.

I leave those two alone and go into Noah’s room. He has turned up ‘Holding on to You’ loudly and has hidden underneath his blanket; probably not realizing that the bump he makes is very visible. It looks very odd, because apparently he is bopping along to the twenty one pilots’ song he’s listening to. I sit down in the rocker in the corner and sigh.

“Honey, I can’t change the facts. He came here to hang out with you and play with you… and you should go with him!”

“No!”

I lean forward, ignoring the pain of my elbows digging into my knees. “Why don’t you want to?”

He angrily rips the blanket off his head and shows me his reddish face. “I hate this! I don’t want him to come and play with me! Why can’t Daddy live here always?! Like he used to!?”

It’s so funny. He is angry at his father because he doesn’t live with us anymore. Yet I am the one forbidding this family to get back together and I am the one keeping his father from living with us. Thank God Noah doesn’t know my plans for the future; he’d hate me, a lot.

“Your daddy loves your very much, you know? And sometimes things can’t get back to what they were before.”

He scrambles off the bed and puts his hand on my knee. When did my little preemie grow up into a man? Time just flew by. He gets to his feet and throws his arms around my neck. “Is it because of the woman?”

I freeze for a moment, but then I start rubbing his back. “I’m going to tell you one day. When you’re older,” I promise, using a terrible phrase that I swore myself never to use with my own kids. “But I want to make sure you know that the fact that Daddy and I are fighting has nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing.”

“But you are fighting,” he repeats and tightens his hug. “I don’t want you to fight with Daddy!”

I kiss his curly head and caress his little cheek. “I know. But if you want to do me a favor, you go with Daddy and show him that you love him no matter what!”

“Alright,” he whispers just when Jared appears in the door with Ellie on his arm.

“Is it me,” Jared asks with a small frown, “or does Ellie have pink hair?”

“Yes, I do! Mommy dyed it for me,” she grins and ruffles her hair. “Am I pretty, Daddy?”

He laughs and gives her a scratchy kiss. “You are the prettiest little girl in the entire world!”

She blushes and hides her face in his neck. They are so cute together, it breaks my heart. Jared holds his hand out to Noah; my boy gives me another sad look and a wet kiss, then he gets to his feet and takes Jared’s hand.

 I fill my day with doing laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning… we don’t have a housekeeper anymore. The apartment I live in with the children is much smaller than what they’re used to. We have 3 bedrooms and a large living area, a big kitchen and a breakfast nook, but everything on a smaller scale than in the old days that feel like a century ago. I feel reminded of my student days; when I moved out I had no furniture obviously so everything in here is bought from IKEA. I packed the children’s toys and our clothes, and some of the furniture in their rooms was picked up as soon as we had the apartment, but everything else is new. And untainted. I assume everything else is gone since Jared sold the house and moved into the new Lab. Or rather trying to sell the house.

The apartment is located in Woodland Hills, just off Canoga Avenue. Maybe not the best area, but it’s fine. No paparazzo would ever think to look for us here. We have a small balcony and access to a pool, and there’s a playground nearby. I put Noah into a play group once a week, and they still have their Nanny twice a week; the time I have off I use to write for different papers and magazines, at least up until now.

I sit on the couch and scroll through my emails with Pooh on my lap purring when the doorbell rings. Checking my watch I frown. They should not be back by now. When I buzz whoever it is up I wait until they climb up the stairs to the 2nd floor. A smile spreads on my face when I see who it is. “Now look at that!”

My sister in law, Flor, comes up the stairs, her dog Heidi behind her, wagging its tail. “Hello Mags,” she smiles and folds me into a hug. “I thought I’d drop by and drag you outside for a walk?”

I sigh and giggle. “Yeah, alright, fine. Just one second.” I go back inside and scratch Pooh behind her ear for a moment, check that she has enough food and water and then I grab my phone and keys before closing the door behind me.

We walk a short distance towards a path around the golf course; I come here a lot with the children. I enjoy the sun on my face without having to run after a toddler every couple of steps, and it’s nice to chat with Flor again. We obviously don’t see each other as much anymore since we don’t live next to each other anymore.

It’s a nice area here. With a country club nearby, they really try to keep the area pretty; well trimmed bushes and clean roads and paths, all surrounded by flowerbeds of Southern California-appropriate greenery. Birds are chirping and there’s a hint of salt in the air today, even though we’re miles from the sea.

“Jared was over this morning, and he told me that he’d take out the kids today. So I left my children with Shannon and thought I’d stop by.” Flor looks at me from the side. “How are you? Really, I mean.”

“I’m good!” I hesitate when she looks at me with a frown and then shrug. “It’s been a hard couple of months; but we’re getting used to it, a bit more every day.” I sigh heavily and stretch out, breathing deeply. “I’m sad about my marriage not working out, I will admit that. And I miss him. No, that’s not true. I miss who I thought he was. I thought I saw something that others don’t see, I thought that I knew the real Jared, and that he was all mine. Finding out that I was making a fool of myself made me swear to myself that this would not happen again.”

Flor shakes her long hair out of her face and slides her shades up her nose. “Will you make it official then? Will you try to divorce him? Or what do you mean by that?”

I look down at my feet and rub my arm. “I don’t think I want to divorce him right now. Maybe one day, if I meet someone new I guess. But for now, it’s not that. I have different plans. I’ve been talking it through with some lawyers, and I think it’s all sorted.”

“You make me curious!” She grins at me and cocks her head. “What are you planning that you need a lawyer’s approval for?!”

I shake my head and squint in the sunlight. “I’ll tell you after I told Jared. I owe him this much; he won’t be happy about it, I can tell you this much!”

I can feel her eyes burn a hole in the side of my head, and the way she hooks her arm through mine, I know that she tries to convince me to give it up. “Flor, I really…”

“Alright, I won’t push it.” She whistles after the dog and shrugs. “I just hope it’s not too dramatic.”

I bite my lip and look down on my feet again. “I can’t promise that.”

  I get back to the apartment at 6, which gives me time to shower and dry my hair properly before Jared brings the children back at 7. When I’m dressed again I take a moment to look in the mirror. My favorite black sweater is hanging a bit too loose off my shoulders. I lost weight in the last couple of months. You can see it especially in my face that seems to have harsher edges now, and my boobs have gotten smaller. Great; the one thing that actually made me interesting to the opposite sex has decreased. It’s funny though, Jared and his model friends actually turned me into a clone of one of his model friends. I need to get away from all this, and fast.

When I buzz them up later, I can hear them on the stairs, babbling Jared’s ears off. I wait for them by the doorframe and when they come around the corner, they make a sweet picture. Jared has Noah by the hand and Ellie on his arm. Both curly headed children look at their father in awe, and he beams back and forth between them. Apparently even Noah forgot how angry he was earlier.

“Mommy,” he squeals and throws himself into my arms. “Daddy took us to the zoo and we saw lions and bears and a koala, and-“

“Elephants!” Ellie shouts with a gleeful smile. Jared grins, happy with himself, and laughs along. “I got the shirt,” she waves it around over her head; apparently Jared went wild in the gift shop since Noah is also holding a shirt underneath his arm.

I usher them in, as to not disturb the neighbors. “I’m glad you had some fun! Did you have dinner?”

“We had burgers,” Noah cheers and skips over to Pooh on the couch and cuddles her as only a child can. “Pooh, I saw a huge cat! It would have eaten you for breakfast!”

“Alright, you two, get into your pajamas and go brush your teeth.”

They giggle and tease each other when they scatter down the hall towards the bathroom. I sit down on the couch and motion Jared to the same. “I need them out of the way for a moment. We need to talk.”

Jared straightens his back, looking at me with worry. He strokes his elbow unconsciously, just like he always does. We’re staring at each other for a bit, and while looking at him I notice that he doesn’t look good at all. He looks like a homeless person. A wild beard, grown out hair cut, dark shadows under his eyes, and, even though he is 45 years old, there are the first crowfeet around his eyes. Well, if he’s unhappy it’s his own fault.

“We’ve officially started recording the album,” he tells me with his soft voice and he puts his hand on mine. “The last couple of months were crazy, I know that, but… I miss you so much. Sometimes it’s hard to sing when I think about us being apart, and I wish you’d come back home, or… at least into the new house. There’s a lot of space for the children, and they can play outside, and we could have a-“

“I’m going to move,” I interrupt him. His face freezes and falls while he tries to comprehend what I just said.

“What? Why? Where?”

I can’t bear to look at his disappointed face and stare down at his hand still on mine. “I’ve had an offer from ELLE magazine in the UK. As Senior Editor for the Culture Department. If I play my cards right, I might be Editor In Chief one day. I’d have to be in London though.” I wait for him to say something, but when he just stares ahead, I go on. “I would love to be closer to my family, and from London we could hop over for weekends and family affairs, and-“

“Wait, wait,” he interrupts me. Oh no. He’s angry now. “You’re telling me that you have no intention to give our marriage another chance, and instead you’re planning to take my children thousands of miles away from me?! Really, Maggie, do you think that’s fair?”

“Fair,” I hiss and get to my feet, stalking over to the window to stare at the sunset. “You have quite a nerve to talk to me about fairness, when I had to come home from that conference in Brussels last year only to find out that you had a female guest here while I was gone and you kissed her in front of our son!”

Jared also gets to his feet and walks over to me. A deep frown is on his face and his lips are pressed together, but there’s shame in his deep blue eyes. “You’ve been punishing me for that for a year now. And I’ve been apologizing for it for a year. And except for that kiss, I swear nothing happened. Nothing! So, please… don’t do this.” He takes me by the arms and looks at me, pleadingly. “I understand if you need more time, but, I need you. You and Noah and Ellie.”

“You spent so much time on your own this last year, I didn’t get the impression that you’re eaten by grief. When you’re climbing and preparing movies and shooting movies for months in some foreign country and skipping around Europe with your friend Alessandro. It doesn’t seem like you need or miss us or even have time for us.”

“I had to keep busy and you know that.” He caresses my cheek so tender and lovingly, just like in the old days. “It was one mistake, Maggiecakes. I got carried away for one moment, when we were fighting none the less. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. And when Vera dropped by it was… weakness. And I regret it every moment I draw breath.”

His hand feels so good on my cheek. A sob is stuck in my throat and for a second I am tempted to lean into his hand. But then that nauseating feeling of betrayal is creeping up on me again. “How many moments of weakness have there been while we were married? And how many of them have you had since I moved out?”

“None! Never! I swear to God, I haven’t touched anyone!”

“What about when you were shooting that Gucci commercial,” I hiss and push away his hand from my cheek. “Why did she suddenly decide to come here if there was nothing between you back then?”

“I don’t know why she came, she said she had been in town, I didn’t really ask! We were talking, suddenly we were kissing, Noah saw us and when I had him calmed down and back in bed, she was gone! I didn’t encourage her, I didn’t invite her, and there was nothing between us when we were in Venice!”

“Excuse me if I don’t believe that,” I snarl and look sideways, only to find Noah standing there in his with tears in his eyes. He clutches his bear to his chest and stares at us from a distance. In three steps I’m over at his side and pick him up and hold him in my arms.

“I don’t want you to fight,” he mumbles and wipes the tears away with the arm of Mr. Bear.

“I know. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy won’t fight anymore in front of you, okay?”

He shakes his head, seeing through the intent of my phrasing. “No, I don’t want you to fight at all.”

I open my mouth and try to calm him down further but instead Jared swoops in. “Why don’t I read a story to you and Ellie and get you to bed? Mommy and I can continue our discussion later.”

I sit around and wait for them to come back, but when I have more ants in my butt than I can take, I get up and sneak over to Ellie’s room. Ellie is already in bed, Jared is sitting on the bed and makes fun and jokes with her. He pokes his daughter in the sides to hear her laugh. Ellie has grown into a fierce and funny girl, always laughing, always in a good mood. While Noah is sometimes moody and sometimes gets angry, Ellie hardly ever even frowns. She has been the sun in these dark times.

I cross the hall to Noah’s room and sit down on the edge of the bed. Noah, with the sheets pulled up as high as possible, gives me a small smile, then he turns his attention back to his book. “What are you looking at,” I ask and he holds up the book so that I can see Winnie The Pooh on the cover. I sigh and massage my left hand. “I’m sorry, Noah. About everything.”

“It’s okay, Mommy. It’s not your fault.” How is he so grown up? I feel like I’m having a conversation with an adult, not a five year old. I want to protest, but he doesn’t let me go on. “Have Tyler or Josh posted something on instagram?”

I smile and shake my head. My five year old son is the biggest Twenty One Pilots fan I have ever seen. He listens to the Blurryface album at least twice a day, and to the others accordingly. I even bought a record player so that he can listen to the live vinyl. Every day we check instagram and snapchat for signs of life from them, and I took him to the shows they played in Los Angeles. “Let’s have a look.” I get up to get my phone from the living room, opening instagram on my way back. I should just put them on notifications, that would make everything easier. “No, it doesn’t look like it. Sorry.” I kiss his forehead. “You should sleep now, my sweet.”

“Will you sing something for me? Please, Mommy!”

I nod slowly and think of a song, in the end deciding on a church song I heard once. He nestles into his pillows and gets comfy while I sing him a song telling him how much God loves him. “Good night,” I smile and kiss him again when I have finished. “Sleep tight.”

“Good night, Mommy!”

I turn on his batman night light and leave the door ajar when I leave. Jared is already waiting for me in the living room. I get a glass of white wine from the fridge without bothering to offer one to Jared, he hasn’t touched wine in years. He gives me a disapproving look, but then leaves me alone. “Don’t go.”

I sit down in my favorite chair; a blue and white striped extra wide and extra deep armchair with a matching ottoman. Jared is sitting in the matching sofa and has a white blanket pulled onto his crotch. I took a cue from Erin when it came to designing the house, and next time I set up house I will definitely let the people who furnished her house do mine. Right now it’s all very bright and light with a maritime touch to it.

“I think I will go. There is no future for me here,” I shake my head and take a sip of wine. Jared frowns at me and rubs his bushy beard. How is that beard not super-itchy and what on earth is nesting in it?

“No. That’s not true. If you want a job a big magazine, you can have that here, you don’t have to travel all this way. You don’t have to leave the fucking continent.”

“But I can’t stay here. Even if what you say is true, I can’t stay in Los Angeles. The big magazines are based in New York, not here. And I… I don’t want to be here anymore. There are too many memories here.”

“Let’s make new ones. Here. Together.” I want to answer but he interrupts me. “Besides, you can’t just take the kids and move somewhere else! We’re still married, and if we get a divorce, I’d definitely want shared custody.”

“My lawyers say you don’t have a case,” I say and I can tell how much that shocks him again.

“Lawyers? You already talked to a lawyer?”

“Yes, of course,” I shrug and cock my head with raised eyebrows. “I’m not an imbecile, Jared. I want this to be bulletproof. And they say that you can’t ask me to stay in California while you jet around the world when you’re on tour for extended periods.”

He nods slowly, then he leans forward again and stretches out his hand for me to take. I’m not going to do him that favor though. “If you stay here, I’m sure we can sort it all out.”

I shake my head again. “No. As I said. I don’t want to be here. And I don’t want to be stuck in a marriage if I can’t trust my husband.”

He buries his face in his hands, he looks pitiful. But where he’s concerned my heart has cooled off to an ice block. “What can I do to persuade you that you can trust me?”

“I don’t know, turn back time and unkiss that girl?”

“This is not the time for jokes.”

“You’re right,” I agree and down the rest of my wine. “It’s time for you to leave.”

Slowly Jared gets to his feet. “And if I have to make a speech every time we see each other: I want you back.”

I stride over past the kitchen to the front door and open it for him into the dark hallway. “Well, not even you can have everything you want.”

He seems defeated; I know he’d love to argue, being said ‘no’ to is not his strong suit, but something he will have to get used to these days. When he is almost out the door he turns around again. “One last thing. Have you heard of or seen Miguel lately?”

I sigh and shake my head. “No, of course not. I’m pretty sure he only exists in my imagination.”

Jared shrugs and before I can push him off, he brushes his lips over mine. “I thought I saw him around the house lately. But maybe it’s just a new neighbor, who knows.” And with that, he turns around and leaves me standing baffled at the door.

[earthtomaggie]

YOU’RE IN MY BODY UPDATE

Hello groovy people of the internet (I might just steal this, i like it),

as you can see, i have had a lot of demand to get back to writing JL fanfics. I’ve been reading these messages every now and then and they always started an internal conflict for me since i never knew if i should start it up again or not. I honestly thought i’d never do it again. For a long time i didn’t want to, or had no ideas, and to be honest i’m kind of unhappy with Jared’s behavior lately, and since the character in ‘you’re in my body’ is mostly based on me, i always figured she’d be unhappy as well. 

But the demand has been getting louder, and since i appreciate it so much that people actually still care about what i write, i don’t want to let you down. So i have written a new chapter, and have some ideas for follow ups. 

But:

It’s different. The tone of the story won’t be like before. The first chapter is titled “Rebranding” (coming tomorrow i think) and i mean it. You might not like it. You might not be interested in the drama that i mean to bring back. And i will have to accept that. 

If this post is the first time you ever heard about ‘You’re in my body’, please give it a shot. If this post is a reminder that you used to read it and liked it, please consider revisiting it. If this post is what you’ve been waiting for... I’m sorry to have kept you waiting. All previous chapters can be found here.

Thank you for reading this and my stories!

Love,

Maggie xoxo ♥♥♥

[earthtomaggie]

Hi! I love your story since the beginning, but now everything is too perfect. I mean: perfect couple, perfect husband, perfect wife, perfect childrens, perfect behaviours, perfect life. No disagrees, no "fights", so, no action... I still love, but it's a little annoying now... But i don't want to blame you, just sharing my opinion ;)

[earthtomaggie]

Let me just say that I hope you resume YIMB someday soon. The fight that Jared and Maggie had about her going to the conference never got resolved, and there's so much else going on; the band has a new album coming out, Jared has three movies in the future, etc. Not to mention that Jared had a pretty scary rock climbing incident recently. Anyway, I don't mean to criticise or to pressure you, I just miss YIMB.

[earthtomaggie]

Hello sweetie, I do hope you get back to writing your fanfiction someday soon, I miss it. But most of all I just want you to be happy and well. Love you!