#yipyap vent

[coraes]

idk how u do it I think communicating every part of a comm is hell. First I have to communicate like hello btw i am in love with a fictional character. I have already embarrassed myself in front of cool artist I like. And then I have to send them a picture of myself. Embarrassment number two. And then I have to communicate that I would like details to make me the dream version of me. Embarrassment number three. I have to convey that I have needs and wants and expectations and risk being difficult and needy. It would be less painful to throw myself into an ice cold ocean

[coraes]

does the feeling of being both a child and an adult in the same body ever go away

[coraes]

honestly me personally as me it’s so embarrassing to me that I am such an unfiltered messy thoughts person like I really believe in honesty and just saying how I feel but it does not get any less scary or embarrassing to do it. like I just do it anyways because it’s how I want to live and I think holding myself back feels 1000000x worse (me personally) but I cringe at everything I say like 5mins ago

[coraes]

I hate being a good girl I fear it is the worst thing ever. look at me whilst I have hope and faith and walk down the path that makes everyone say “good job! if you keep going down this correct road everyone will be proud of you” meanwhile the road is this endless stretch of nothing that I have gained nothing from. and millions of people walk incorrect roads and get thousands of things that I do not

[coraes]

does anyone else have a strange kind of heaviness in their heart that they don’t know what to do with and it just lingers

[coraes]

does anyone else feel like there is a void inside of them and they are out here looking for the thing that belongs

[coraes]

being 25 creeped up on me so fast i can’t believe I graduated 5 years ago I feel life is going too fast and I haven’t achieved anything I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. I just want one easy step forward in any direction i want anything to go through for anything ever. and I actually do have an opportunity to be in [insert abroad company] soon for a work event thing if I want to be which sounds like change but still feels like money spent which is still freaking me out and I just don’t know what to do and I wish I had a path that I could go down and would guarantee that I am making the right choice and doing something in my life and I am tired of applying to 1937293728 things and hearing nothing back and I know the right answer is probably just to start cold emailing but I’ve never done that and don’t know how and everything is scary but I know fear comes with change but change isn’t there or guaranteed either. I’m gonna be sick

[coraes]

I have to go shower