—* you & the things you do.
&&. @yixgh; “the world revolves around the things that you say & do.”
to sum and comprehend a lady’s true nature — or rather, her true nature — would probably start rather simple. first, a thought. an if clause formed in the head in a rather distinct manner, what if she is like this, a thought. what if she likes this, another thought. second, a question. what if’s and but’s formed in the head the second time around, this time, in a less trivial manner. taken in regards of a higher, somewhat more distinct importance are the questions. what if she is like this and what if she likes this? a series of questions all in a row. then finally, a conclusion. not much, just one sentence — “what if she never was anything at all and maybe everything was just an illusion and that she, in itself, is a higher form much more special than any other to be taken in regards of the same clauses as others.”
and maybe that’s why he never got used to it — never got used to the thought of not knowing that she is, if anything, something at all. and his fingers works too quick and his minds work too fast and he is much too prideful to believe that there exist some things he does not know.
and he is not quiet sure if yiyang is the flower, the wind, or the rain; and whichever, does not matter because any or either, all of them are still beautiful and the thing is, she always is. she never was anything less. and the beauty itself, is perhaps what fuels him — an unknown force driving through the nature tearing through its teeth and bones, always eager to find out her beautiful grotesque.
( after all, how could a flower live with only beauty? roses has their thorns, and daisies always has a quick untimely death. and she doesn’t seem as if she has a thorn, to begin with. )
so, in retrospect to the things he says and do, he would say, he is merely fascinated by her existence — as if one would not know that already by the grit in his teeth each time she walks away, or the amount of musings he shared with his notebook, one question mark at a time. and suddenly she was no longer questions ( or perhaps she never is, questions. that’s just a thought he forms in his head the instance her name appeared on the leather covered sheets with coffee tainted pages. ) and she became poetry.
of all things good and all things holy. of all things he always wants to be.
it is only fitting, that he regards poetry as such ; with such care and exempt that he would not dare her name escape his lips if it does not sound anything close to mellifluous. and once he deemed himself as worthy — with mint covered toothpaste covering his teeth, and clean tongue, reminiscence of midnight’s barley tea, he says her name, rolled on the tip of three, taking a trip down the palate line, then a question, “you look sad?”
in an instance, she does — mouth curling down in a frown and eyes, tired as if she did not sleep at all last night ; if any. and suddenly he seemed so afraid, afraid of her answer, so he shifts from first impression to the second faster than he had thought he would. to apprehensive tension doused in expectation.
so he swallowed deeply, and bit his tongue in childish fear. thinks twice, eyes glancing to sides in sheer panic. and so he lands his eyes on a flower, pale white and yellow dot in the center ( or was it? he is not so sure when all he could focus on was her smile ) a sun encompassed in a union of clouds. he coughs, then says, “what are those?” and then thinks again, in the same second, that she might see him as vapid for not knowing such flowers and he does not want that, so he asks again, “i mean, the meaning,”
( but the thing is — he doesn’t really care. flowers wilt and die and he is much too pompous to care for fifteen seconds of adorations flowers would receive. he says he cares more about other important things, the star exploding in the night sky, or the tides sweeping shores. but because she says in such word, that flowers are in fact, important, maybe it is. or maybe it is not and that he is thinking things. with yiyang, sehun is never sure. )
