You’re led down the hall by a staff member early in your day at TRC Entertainment, to Tiger JK’s office. When you step into the room, he’s seated behind his desk, appearance far more casual than would be expected of a company CEO. He motions for you to sit just as casually, and the lawyer you recognize from when you signed your previous contracts crosses his arms from where he stands beside the desk.
“We’re all busy people with lots of things to do, so I’ll keep this short,” Tiger JK begins with an amused, close-lipped smile. “It’s already been four years since you first signed your contract with us. Time flies when you’re having fun, eh?” He chuckles to himself, then shuffles through papers on his slightly messy desk. He comes up with a single folder, and glances down at it briefly before he continues. “You’ve grown a lot in your time here so far; I think anybody can notice that. Trust me, with a little more patience I can assure you that your chance to shine on stage will come to you. Everyone at TRC thinks we have a good thing going. If you stick with us, I think we can make it a great thing.”
It’s then that he slides stapled pieces of paperwork towards you: your new contract, specifically marked where each new signature is required.
she had been thinking about it for a while, it had been in the back of mind. her contract renewal had been coming up but then she hadn't realized how close it was until it was half-way through august. her worries increased the closer it got, even though she managed to keep a cool head. or at least let others think nothing was wrong.
but the day had to come at some point.
so she wasn't surprised when a trainer called her and told her she had to to tiger jk's office. she went without a word, wondering where her favorite coach was but yubin didn't voice her question. she'd find him later and demand to know why he didn't come take with walk with her. or maybe it was better he didn't, she probably would've felt like she was getting the boot if he took the walk with her.
it wasn't to say she wasn't though.
the walk is silent as always and it gives her time to think. a lot had happened since her last contract renewal. she had stagnated for the most part, a repeated cycle of just training -which was probably what they wanted- but she had felt like she lost herself. she had the chance to feature on the track with feeldog and there was the royal survival. those had helped a bit, the survival show mostly. she had wanted to find that spark again.
and she did it, but it was gradual. things didn't automatically get better after the show but she saw a small change and officially marked it with a new hair color. she wasn't better yet, not all the way but she had been working towards and it she hopped that the company saw it. when she took this walk before, she wanted to stay but she also considered leaving. everything seemed so hopeless.
this time around she didn't have any thoughts about wanting to leave but she wasn't sure if they wanted her to stay. yubin hadn't caused any trouble so far but the nagging feeling that they wanted her gone would always be there.
the staff member didn't follow her past the door and when yubin was let in, she bowed to both the people she saw and sat down in a seat. she wasn't given a chance to speak, her ceo had already started and yubin prepares herself for it.
but it doesn't come. not what she expected at least.
he's smiling for one and she thinks she hears good news. but her brain process everything a second late. in the end she does and yubin is feeling extremely happy. but this isn't the time to jump around like a kid on Christmas. and she didn't know what to say, other than a string of thank you's which she was sure neither person had the time to hear.
so she reached forward and grabbed a pen -almost snatched- and went to sign her name in the correct places. once she was finished and had been given the okay to leave yubin stood up with a bow.
"thank you." it was muttered hurriedly and she left out, finding no one waiting for her. that was fine, she wanted some time alone to think but the most important thing had been that she was still a trainee under trc.
the company she wanted, as long as there was a chance to debut under them. she wouldn't throw it away.
Right after your last schedule for the day, you’re approached by a staff member and invited to join a few other coaches and higher-ups in a private office. Everyone is busy staring at different screens when you enter, and it’s not until you’ve settled onto a chair that someone explains what’s going on.
“Good evening, Yubin-ssi. We apologize for this sudden meeting, but there is one urgent matter we’d like to discuss with you.” The man turns off his phone for now, focusing his attention solely on you. “As you may have guessed, we’ve been keeping an eye on you, even more so than our other trainees, and I’m sure you can understand why. Especially with this new merger of sorts with The Samsung Group – we’ve been carefully monitoring your activities to make sure you haven’t forgotten your place in the company and in this industry. And I’m happy to say we’ve found no new reasons to be concerned about you.”
Another coach takes the lead, then, scanning you with a stern gaze. “You’ve been a trainee under this company for quite a while now, and we’ve seen your growth and learned all about your potential. You have a knack for getting yourself into trouble, and don’t think we’ll be forgetting about it anytime soon. That being said…”, he almost smiles. “We think you’re ready to be shown on stage in your true colors.”
The woman next to you turns her tablet to you, showing you a face you’re very familiar with. “Our senior idols of BIGSTAR are currently preparing for a December comeback. You’ve been chosen amidst our other trainees to feature on a B-side track for them – for leader Feeldog specifically. We’re most likely including another trainee in it as well, and we’re waiting on confirmation from SBS about the December schedules, but chances are you would get to perform once or twice as well.”
The instructor that first spoke asks for your attention once more, before you can even process what’s been said. “This is a huge opportunity for you. More than anything, it’s your chance to prove once and for all that we’ve done the right thing by sticking with you despite all your setbacks. This is just the beginning for a new era in TRC – but it can be the end for you. So, before you answer, I want you to think long and hard about whether you’re ready to stand on stage representing your company once more. Are you ready for this commitment, Kim Yubin?”
Going back and fourth to the SamSung building and TRC wasn't that much of an issue. She still spent most of her time at TRC, once she had settled and given her time to know the new building, but she still preferred the place she knew. It hadn't been a lot of trainee's in the the building, it was almost a ghost town save for the stray person here or there. It felt like it was almost a one on one with each of her classes and she felt like she could learn in peace. It had been so long since she went around with her hood down and the face mask off.
Just as she walked out of her last lesson, they attacked. The staff member didn't jump her, but the woman was already outside the door. How long had she been out there? Just that quickly, she wasn't sure if she was in trouble or if she wasn't. If it was as serious as her mind was quickly making it out to be, she did something somehow and they were ready to give her the boot. But if that was the case -she was sure it was- they would have pulled out the room, no one would wait.
In that second she wasn't sure if had been her they wanted but the second she took a step, the staff member motioned to follow. So she did, with her head down trying to figure out just what she did wrong. This time around, someone had to have framed her. Even after the ban lifted, she went to her classes and still visited the same places. The only big thing that changed had been the soundbox showcase but she didn't miss anything with training because of it.
Or maybe it had been the photo she uploaded? Yubin thought she waited long enough and the photo she posted showed nothing other than her face. It had to be the make up she wore, it had all been for the photo but what if they assumed she was out partying? The littlest thing became her biggest crime in a matter of minutes. Just as they got to the door, she was respectful enough to pull her mask off and pull down her hood.
There wasn't a chance to take a deep breath, as soon as they got to the door she was pulled inside. No one had been looking at her, even her guide moved quickly and pointed to one of the chairs to sit down in. She took the chance to stuff her mask into her bag and soon as it seems like she is comfortable, one of the staff starts to speak.
When he first said her name she couldn't help but bow her head in return. He started to speak and she knew this was it, she was out and she wouldn't be back. But the words she expected sounded nothing like what she had thought out and there was nothing left but shock. She had almost sorted her thoughts when another person started to speak and turned her head towards him. On impulse, she wanted to defend herself. It wasn't like she woke up and asked herself how she could get kicked out her dream company today.
It didn't happen though, partly because she knew he was right but mostly because of what he finished with. The person talking switched again and she wished they'd stop the tag team act. Everyone word that came out his mouth seemed like a lie. They couldn't be thinking about her, it hadn't been that long that she had been given the green light. No way, anyone would approve her being on an album with Feeldog and they would have started a riot at the thought of her on a stage.
If this was a joke, Yubin would be beyond pissed. She was upset that it was so sudden, they threw this question at her when there wasn't an answer. The first thought was to say no. This wasn't an order it was a choice and Yubin couldn't be sure she would be able to do it. It seemed like that anything she just got back to a good space, something came along and fucked it up. So far, all the major events in her life happened after a few weeks of happiness. The road of a trainee was damned hard and she learned it the hard way. If she said no, they might be disappointed but they would understand. How would TRC be able to trust her if she couldn't trust herself?
But if she said yes, at least some of her dream would be realized. As a trainee, she would be able to sing on a seniors track and even preform it. If she said yes, she would be able to show her talent. It was something she knew she had and she wanted to do this, but what happened if she failed? At the same time, she knew there would be people in her corner. The scandal really showed her who would be by her side and who would drop her. Some of those people hadn't been who she expected at all. If it didn't work out this time, they would be there again right?
Her thoughts drifted to Sohee, she was the best friend Yubin had in TRC. If Sohee found out she skipped out on this when she knew she had the skill to do it, the girl might try and kill her. If she said yes and failed, it wouldn't be Sohee out for her blood. It'd be every netizen, trainee and journalist that would come for her. It nearly killed her once, she would she really be able to stand it again?
They needed an answer and she only had more questions? How long would they wait for it? She had to answer before walking out of the room but how long could she stay in the room? He said think long and hard and she was was but no answer came.
The silence lasted for a few more minutes, all she heard was the hum of machines and people typing away. Taking a deep breath Yubin sat up a little straighter and closed her eyes before opening them and staring that the instructor who asked her.
You’re led down the hall by a staff member early in your day at TRC Entertainment, to Tiger JK’s office. When you step into the room, he’s seated behind his desk, appearance far more casual than would be expected of a company CEO. He motions for you to sit just as casually, and the lawyer you recognize from when you first signed your contract crosses his arms from where he stands beside the desk.
“Now,” he begins, more seriously than typical of him. “We both know your two years in TRC have been…interesting, to say the least. You’ve had your ups and downs…but I still believe in your talent. I know you want to be here, and I think you can still become an artist, but you’ve gotta turn your life around for that to happen.”
[trigger warning: mentions of mental health]
He shakes his head a little, then shuffles through papers on his slightly messy desk. “We’re going to let you stay in TRC, but there are a few new terms on your contract you need to follow. You have to keep going to therapy, at least once a month, until we say otherwise. You have your phone and your freedom back now, but all of the PR managers will still be watching you better than the journalists and sasaengs will, so be careful with that. You have to come into training every day within the schedule, and there will be consequences if you miss any training time without giving us a notice ahead of time. We also reserve the right to terminate this contract at any time if there are any problems. Got it?”
He sighs, like he’s tired of hearing his own voice, and slides a folder with your new contract, specifically marked where each new signature is required, toward you. “Everything I said is in there too,” he mumbles.
Sept 1st. 2016
She didn't know why she had thought someone would pounce on her as soon as she walked through the door. As if they would be waiting for her to walk through to the doors. No one did in fact, she walked through the halls with her head as per her recent style. Everything went by like clock work, it felt strangely off for her own personal d-day. Honestly it was nerve-wracking, did the company want to scare her like this? It was working because time seemed to be dragging second by second.
By eight she was ready to march into someone's office and ask what happened. She also had hoped they simply forgot about her. Maybe she had been silent enough to slip into the cracks. All she had to go was by careful. The thought didn't raise her spirits, Yubin had almost dismissed it as soon as they came. No, they wouldn't waste time on her like that.
It had to been an hour but when she looked at the time only thirty minutes had passed. Her hand was on the nob of door to her next class when a voice she knew all to well called out to her. And it only took a second later to know that this was it. Slowly she turned around and for a second she met Coach Gun's eye. It only took a second for him to give her a small smile, a rare but it was there.
It didn't give her any hope because the next second his face had it's normal indifferent look. Then they were walking almost side by side, she trailed after him a little. It was only prolonging what was going to happen but the fear was there. This could be her end or a new beginning. If only one sign pointed to a positive outcome she might have latched onto it. But nothing could make her think otherwise. So each step she was just a little bit behind.
If her coach noticed he didn't say anything. Even as other kids passed them he only nodded his head and only spoke if it was another coach. Sometimes she would meet someone's eye and still hate. Maybe they this was her last day too? Some might even through a party, she would be officially gone from TRC, something even they failed too do. Even if her will had been their she couldn't do anything if they cut her.
Those thought's lingered with her until she came to her CEO's door. There wasn't a chance given to her as the door opens and only the worse rushes into her mind. Jinseok walked in first and she followed, still two or three steps behind. It sink's in that's she's really in his office when the door of the door closing fills the room. Her eyes dart across the room before they land on Tiger JK himself. For a second she want's to laugh, he looks at home in his office. While he looked as if they were meeting for a friendly chat and not her contract. Yubin felt as if the walls were closing in around her, this could be her last moment as an trainee under this label.
It's when she sits down at the she finally notice's the other person in the room. There's only a moment to take him when she turns around to see that her coach left. Yubin was sure she would have noticed but he slipped out. Why didn't he stay? Even if it only took a second for her to be cut he could be there. But he wasn't and it was just the three of them. Nothing could leave her mouth, should she even speak first right now? Everything in her mind had been replaced with questions and doubt, nothing was able to process.
His first few words sound like buzzing in her ears and it takes a moment to really focus on his words. There had been praise and scolding, was this final advice for her? Just in case she came across another company willing tot take the chance?
Her mind went blank, as soon as he said they would keep her. For a second her breath stopped and faintly she can hear him still talking. A few sentences stand out but Yubin was still trying to control her breathing. When she could manage to look at up him she's mumbling. Once again, her mind was a bit shock. It was a humbling moment for her. This was most likely his personality but her seen mumbled to her. A trainee who had made a bad name for herself under his company.
Maybe her emotion's were too haywire but she couldn't process a single thing. It felt like an out of body experience when she saw her hand move towards the pen. It shook a little but somehow she willed herself to calm down and sign in every place she needed. Maybe she should have asked about or read but she was scared that this chance could be gone any moment. There would be a chance to get a copy.
When she finished she could feel her body standing straight up. Her body bowed on it's on. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth and it felt like an extra effort to speak. Still the word's came out because it was all she could say. No long speeches, nothing but those two little words that summed up everything.
"Thank You."
Then she was dismissed and she couldn't get out the office fast enough. For a moment she thought she was going to be sick but her feet pushed towards the stairs that lead to the roof. Her cell phone had only been back for three days but she hadn't made any calls. Now her hands couldn't put in the pass code fast enough.
Quickly she wanted to put in as much distance between her and that office as possible. As if they'd call her back and tell her it was big joke. It felt as if they further she got away the safer she was. If she moved quickly they couldn't stop her and say it was a lite. But every few second's she looked her shoulder and didn't see anyone there was hope. It was real, TRC the company that could have kicked her out wanted to resign. Tiger JK didn't want to give up her. This was a dream, but she'd fight to stay asleep. If this was only a dream then she refused to wake up.
It was a sting on her face that made her realize she was outside. The wind hit her face again and it only took a second to feel the wetness. Without even knowing it her feet carried her to the roof and her tears started to fall out her eyes. For a moment her throat felt clogged and she couldn't take in fast enough. It didn't stop her pressing her speed dial, wanting to hear the other woman's voice on the line.
By now her sobs had been reduced to coughs and hiccups. At the last second when she was about to hang up and try again she heard her mother's surprised voice.
"Yubin?"
"M-mom.."
"What's the matter? Where are y-"
"They resigned me."
"What?"
"Today, it was up. They re-signed me, I'm still at TRC."
"Baby..you did it, I'm proud of you. I love you."
It only took those few words to send her into a fit of tears. She just stood there, in one of her favorite spots, her mother whispering into her ears. Tear's were running down her face but she couldn't think of a moment that she loved anymore right now.
You’re led into a TRC PR manager’s office again, much more calmly than the last time you were here. It’s the same manager, but there’s no yelling, and when you enter the office, no other instructors greet you. It’s just you and her, and it’s quiet. The air is still tense, but not nearly as overwhelming as when your last scandal broke.
The manager doesn’t say a word; she just opens the drawer of her desk and pulls out your phone you haven’t seen in months. She hands it over to you carefully. “You’ll want to charge that,” she comments before sighing and clasping her hands together on the desk in front of her once you take your phone back.
“You’ve managed to stay out of the news, and despite some outbursts, you’ve stayed under the radar. You listened to us, and hopefully you learned not to make the same mistakes again. You can consider yourself officially off of lockdown. You can use your phone again and use your time outside of training as you see fit now, but that doesn’t mean we give you permission to act out. Hopefully that goes without saying, but please, Yubin-ssi, continue to be careful. You may only be a trainee, but you still represent TRC Entertainment, and your behavior affects its reputation.”
She lets the words hang in the air for a moment, then nods her head. “You’re free to go now. Thank you.”
It was never a great experience being told she was wanted in the PR office, even as they lead her there. No yelling, no cursing, no anything her body refused to ease his the discomfort and think some happy thoughts. No all she could remember was being yelled, being told she had a ban on her life and her cell phone being taken away from it. It was all an horrible experience, something she didn't want to repeat but it would be her luck. Another scandal hit the news and she would be in the center.
Maybe this is how they could cut her?
Her looming contract renewal had been on her mind for the past two months, everyday felt like it was dragging. If they wanted her out, she wanted it to be done quickly. Just the thought sent her stomach jumping and she had to try and fight back the wave of panic. It had happened like this for the past days, it had only gotten worse. There was no day she hated more then September first right now. She had hated it for being so close but being just as far away.
There was one thing that was clear, the trust in her was still at at all time low.
Even though they saw her to the doors, and she had on hand on the handle. The two with her didn't leave, even as she looked at them they seemed to be waiting for her to step foot into the office before they thought it was safe to walk away. Did she suddenly become a flight risk? And what would they lose if they lost her? What did Yubin Kim add that TRC didn't have?
It was amazing, just how much the scandal had changed the way they treated her. Even as she closed the door Yubin wondered would they be back to make sure she got to whatever lesson's on time. The thought only lingered in her mind for a moment before she turned to the problem at hand. Nothing was said for a while so she moved to sit down on her own, every so often she her eyes would stray back to the manager in front of her but they stayed on her office. The last time she didn't have a chance to take it all, but now it seemed as if she had all the time in the world.
It wasn't something she wanted.
Then she was moving and what could it be? Out of all the idea's she had in her mind, her cell phone wasn't it. There was barely enough will power to keep her jaw off the ground. Was it a trick? But when she reached for it, the woman didn't pull it away from her. Yubin was stunned, too stunned to even think about the other's comment. It could have been an attempt at an joke, a way to smooth things over but it fell on mostly deaf ears. Even the feel of her phone had been something she missed. It was strange, the way it felt now but it was comforting. An old friend she hadn't been able to see in a long time.
Slowly her brain processed the rest of the information the manager was telling her. She looked at the other, trying to give the utmost respect but her mind was on this new development and what it could mean. It might have been a good two or three minutes before she reacted and stood up, a small bow was given. "You're welcome, thank you."
Yubin wasn't sure if the woman was expecting a long speech or anything more but it wasn't her style, it wasn't even something she could think about. As she opened the door she noticed that no one ( thankfully ) was waiting for her outside, she was able to pocket her phone and keep it moving. At least it was lunch, she found herself in the recording studio, her body was moving before she could even think about. Her hands went into her backpack to grab her charger it seemed like it was taking to long to plug it up and for the screen to light up.
Excitement finally died down and she could only stare at the device in her hand, something about seemed to good to be true, her punishment was over but she was sure it was going to last? Did this mean they had given up on her? She endured well until the end but even after seeing her talent, maybe she was too much of the risk for the business to invest too.
Her time was coming up in less than a week. Right now should have been a happy moment, tears should have come down her eyes but she was only left with a bittersweet taste in her mouth, this could be her end.
Over lunch break, you’re asked to join some of your coaches in a video room for a private meeting. After a few minutes of waiting all by yourself, the instructors sit down with you and let you in on a little secret: this year’s MGA will be broadcast in a survival competition format, and some of the companies’ current trainees will have a special participation on the show.
“We’ve been planning this for months– discussing possible picks to be the coaches. You were in discussions, even after your scandal. We can’t deny that you’re talented, and that your experience on last season of the MGAs would be an asset on the show this season, but trainee participants will be coaches this year.” The instructor pauses to allow the words to sink in, then looks you over with a small shake of their head, and another coach speaks up.
“Yes, coaches; you would be asked to guide contestants on the show, and really, do we want anyone to follow in your footsteps? The public is still disappointed in your behavior, and frankly, so are we. Putting you in a position to guide potential additions to TRC would be an insult to those that take their training seriously here, and to the fans of our company. We called you here because we wanted you to know how close you were, and that your behavior has had actual consequences on your opportunities. We suggest you work on cleaning up your act before you lose even more than this. ”
They all shake their heads, like the entire meeting was a grave disappointment, then get up to leave, but not before telling you to get back to practice. After that, you’re left alone in silence.
It seemed as if she wasn’t moving fast enough, as always ( as of now ) her goal had been to disappear from TRC and allow herself to breath, even if she didn’t eat lunch and just went home to sit in her room. It was enough to make her sort of happy, and the door was close too, it would only take a few more steps but one of her coaches had called out her name and she wouldn’t lie and say she didn’t think about ignoring the voice. If she didn’t run around and kept pushing forward she could claim that she didn’t hear him.
And she knew it wouldn’t go over well.
Yubin took a long deep breath before she turned around. There wasn’t any fake smile given, all she could do was try and keep the annoyance out of her eyes as he motioned for her to follow him. And she did, not even putting up at fight. He dropped her off in some room and she plopped down, there was nothing to do but wait so her she kept her self busy with a game on her IPOD. Yubin didn’t even bother to look up when they entered into the room, yes they.
It just was one the who called her over but five of them. It clicked her mind, her contract wasn’t even up and they were going to kick her out. Not surprisingly, she didn’t wish for it to be something else like she did in the past, what was done was done she didn’t have the energy to care. When it seemed like they were ready to talk she shoved the gadget in her bag and sat up a little more, when would this be over?
Once they started talking, the ball got rolling. If they looked at her for any hint of expression they didn’t get one. No infact, she agreed whole hardheartedly. Yes she was talented, it was a fact but she wasn’t a person who needed to lead others and Yubin was fine with that. She wouldn’t want anyone get in trouble like she did, she would’t want anyone to get hurt like she did.
When they got up to leave she didn’t say anything just shrugged her shoulders and watched them go, of course she would have to get back to practice, they took up most of her lunch hours, she didn’t plan on eating but still it was a bit of free time. When they were all finally out she stood up to make her way to next her training class, ignoring everything around her while she thought about the scolding.
They hadn’t let her speak once and that was fine, because what they might have thought they were going to hear and what she was going to stay would be vastly different. Yes, if she could do this project she would and she would love it and there was bitterness at TRC for even telling her about it, but she deserved it but the feeling of caring about anything right now was something she lacked energy for. Right now she needed to train to stay in the company, she needed to work on her skills to grow and she needed to eat to stay alive.
Eat, sleep, train, work, go home. That was what was her goal right now, caring about if she was really living her life or the quality of it, those just weren’t important things right now.
I was born in a thunderstorm
I grew up overnight
I played alone
I played on my own
I survived
The cold bit into her and for the most part Yubin managed to ignore it. Shoving the thoughts of the cold back to her mind, it was the constant push and pull that kept her from thinking too much about her life at TRC. She was ready to be cut anymore, to straighten her back and walk out the doors as proud as she was when she came in. They could take away her chance but they couldn't take away her dream. The thought that Tiger JK didn't want her kept floating to the front of her mind and she pushed it back. No new wasn't always bad news and it wasn't always good news so she was forced to wait.
The wind blew past her and eyes trailed to the TRC building. Finally she would be back to regular programming for the most part. She wasn't really crazy, just tired and when pushed to the edge, she would always respond in kind. The halls were empty when she walked in and for a small moment she was thankful. It was easy to make it to her locker, throwing her bag in as she made her way to the classes. By now people had come out and a few pushed past her. The incident gone from some people's minds, others simply didn't care. She had been gone for long enough, enough time to let them regain their confidence.
Yubin didn't mind, it was like always. She sat outside the group, learning from a distance. Much to her couches delight when someone 'accidentally' splashed water on her, she did nothing but leave out the room. Her first stop wasn't the locker but the gym room. Here she could work out and take off her shirt and it would be alright. Everything would be fine. She told herself this as she upped the speed of the machine. After a few moments she wasn't sure if he feet were even touching it but she felt blood rushing, her breathing more labored. If she had to do this to make it, she would.
It felt as if she spent the whole day in the gym but she remembered walking to her next class at some point, and the one after that and the ones that followed that. When she finally came too, she was in front of her locker. Staring at her now ripped up book bag, the contents of her bag on the floor. When she crouched down to pick it up, she noticed the screen to her IPOD had been broken, in tiny pieces. Nothing let her mouth and she closed the locker back, only taking the earphones, IPOD, pencil case and what was left her notebook.
If anyone called out to, she didn't pay any mind. Her body pulling to her car, she thought that maybe the tears would start now. But all she found was that she was tired, reaching into the glove compartment she started to search around until she could find the one thing that could make everything better.
Since her very public display of how much she couldn't keep it together, Yubin had been wondering if she should still visit her CEO's office. It had been her plan to surprise him with the good news of her last surgery. It was something to be celebrated even if it was just her. It felt as if she finally paid her due's and really deserved to be at TRC. Just had simply wanted to thank him.
Then the news broke and she crashed harder than she realized. It was easy to take mocking jeers, and hate filled stares from the people that had been once close to her. But it wouldn't be easy to take his disappointment in her, because he and given her a chance when she wasn't going to be accepted anywhere.
After her sixth time passing by the door, she pulled the letter she had out and paused while she thought about it.
She was a coward.
Still, if he was in the office she'd have a chance to get away and if he wasn't, she'd still be out of sight. Taking a deep breath she paused it under the door and quickly walked away, her eyes downcast. She didn't know what it was but she wanted to tell him. Yubin could still remember every since line she wrote down.
Dear, CEO
I had wanted to tell you that I finished the last round of surgery and I'm freely able to wear short leaves and crop tops. I had wanted to thank you for not giving up on me, and giving me a way to truly earn my way into the company. I know I was a problem child but I tried. I really did. I think was doing fine, until my friend passed away. I hated TRC, I hated life and I hated myself. A friend pulled me together and I got back on my game. I thought I did, but I started to go back to my old ways, I was managing to hold on but I needed some sorta crutch.
I couldn't even begin to think how someone took pictures of me at the party, no one was allowed back stage and we didn't stop anyone. But that doesn't excuse what i did. I just wanted to have fun, honestly. I wanted to return to my roots and find the reason i wanted to make music again, it felt good just rapping in front of a crowd and feeling hype.
I got too caught in remembering the past.
I should be done by now, i'm just rambling now but I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you put trust in me and I didn't make anything of it. I'm sorry I couldn't focus on training and put the feelings in I had in the past and focusing on my new life. I'm also sorry, I couldn't handle the pressures and results of my failure. I know my contract is coming up and it will have been two years since I've been here.
Even if you chose to let me go, just thank you. It may not look like it, but the training and memories I've made here will stay with me and I'll treasure it. If you keep me on, I promise to try harder and keep the bad days good. Either way, you give me something in my life that no one else has for a moment I thought that I had a life worth living.
Just thank you.
Her name had been written out messily on the paper and a small tear stain dried at the corner. She wasn't able to come and say it to his face, and this would be her lasting memory but it was still hers.
A sigh left her mouth as she left out the building. She only had hope it ended up in his hands and not in the trash.
The news barely has time to hit the internet before your phone rings. You answer- it’s a number you recognize from work- and you’ve barely said hello when the screaming starts. The scolding is unintelligible, but the instructions are loud and clear. Get to the TRC offices, now.
When you arrive, you’re practically shoved into a PR manager’s office. Some of your other coaches are there as well, and they’re all glaring at you.
“What were you thinking?”
“How stupid can you be?”
“How dare you- under contract!”
They don’t give you any time to speak up for yourself as the scoldings continue. Noteably, no one ever asks if you were actually at the club, actually drinking, actually smoking something illegal; they just assume the worst.
“You are on lockdown,” the PR woman explains. “Hand over your phone. No phone for you until I say you can have it back. No internet, no nothing. No social life. No friends. You come to work, you go home. That’s it. Do you understand me?”
“And obviously she’s out of the Gayo Daejuns-” another coach starts.
“Are you insane?” the PR woman answers, livid. “If we put her in reflection, they’ll know she did it. The only way to handle this is to act like nothing happened at all. You sure as hell better practice for that Gayo stage, Kim Yubin. All eyes are going to be on you.”
It had felt like she just made it into bed and had a chance to close her eyes. The first time the ringing started, she thought it was her phone and made a point to ignore it, but the ringing kept coming until she looked at her phone. It seemed like a number for work and she paused before answering, honestly what did they want that couldn't wait until she walked through the doors.
The word 'hello' barely made it past her lips before there was intense yelling. All she could make out was get to TRC now, when the phone call was hung up, she laid in bed for a moment before throwing on the clothes that had been left on the floor. On her way, she could only wonder what happened and if other trainee's had been called their early. It was only a moment but that was all she needed. The kids who were around had been looking at her and then their phones and before she could over and ask, she was pulled into the office.
Yubin could barely say anything before they started yelling at her. The words passed quickly, it was becoming harder to keep up. All she could catch was the fact that she should have been removed from the gayo's and then shrill yells that she shouldn't sit out. Before she knew it, her phone was taken and she was being rushed out. No one had bothered to explain anything, and only rushed her in and out. Her eyes spotted a stray trainee who had a hard time, making it not obvious she was looking at Yubin. Quickly she walked over, "What is it?"
"How do you not know?" The girl asked, passing her phone to Yubin. "I was asleep and-oh my god." The girl gave a slow nod, "This is not happening to me." She muttered to herself, turning to go anywhere. It was the girls voice that stopped her and she gave the phone back with a sorry smile. "Well, they're going to fire me. It was nice working with you."
As she walked away, it felt like there wasn't anywhere to go. The Underground wasn't a safe space anymore and her mother had to been working.
