Amazing Things I Learned About Kim Jong-il from Bradley Martin's "Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader"
- He sleeps in a bed literally MADE of women, like a bunch of Korean ladies laying on top of each other and intertwining.
- He murdered his youngest legitimate brother, and almost certainly had his father Kim il-Sung killed.
- He has close to four dozen illigitimate children, from a bevy of mistresses and concubines.
- His illegitimate children actually form a SECRET ASSASSIN HONOR GUARD who protect him and murder his enemies.
- He's obsessed with American movies, to the point of creating his own film studio in 1970's and writing, producing and directing a series of epic propaganda films, falling so far into the rabbit hole as to micromanage battle scenes by running around them as they're being filmed.
- He responded to his films getting panned by the rest of the world by abducting the most successful South Korean film director and torturing him to try and get him to make N. Korean cinema.
- He made his own version of Mao Zedong's book of quotations to distribute among the people, but since he's never said anything of substance he stole wholesale quotes from Mao, Stalin, Thomas Jefferson and Voltaire and attributed them to himself.
- Despite his people's routine bouts with starvation and malnutrition, he has "theme nights" at his royal palaces where all of his servants dress up like members of different countries and feed him the delicacies of that nation. You know that mock-U.N. thing you did in highschool? He does it for real.
- His favorite actress is Elizabeth Taylor (I bet he's bummed right now).
- He tells his subjects that he has the power to "control the weather" through force of will.
- He claims to have invented the sandwich.
And although he's directly responsible for twenty years of starvation, forced labor camps, and purgings among the impoverished North Korean people...
- Brad Martin STILL advocates a "sensible" method of diplomacy with Pyongyang, going so far as to add chiding, scummy letters at the end of his 1100+ page history book TO Kim Jong-Il himself as part of an elaborate daydream where this crazy dictator voluntarily agrees to give up power. Somebody's been drinking the Kool-Aid.