Thank for reading the previous parts, the cuteness goes on *O* Summary:
What if Matthew kept a secret diary since his very first meeting with Dominic till the birth of Muse and all its consequence? And what if said diary wasn’t just about music?
Summary of the chapter: It's time for Chris to come to play ;P
Teignmouth, The Den, 3rd Jan 1994
I do not know.
After all this time, do you still accept that I can call you 'Dear Diary'?
I haven't opened you for almost two years, but I have my reasons. Can you let me explain?
I take advantage of this afternoon of unusual sunshine, while I'm in my favorite park with Dom who is here next to me dozing…. and if I had a camera with me I would take a picture of him, he has such a serene expression, he looks like a little angel!
But no, no distractions, it's you I have to deal with now.
I had made a pact with myself: I would write you back only when and if I had a definitive idea of stability for my, for our band.
About Four, Five and Six (and, mind you, I know their real names, but they don't deserve to be named, that's it!) I was wrong, they stayed with me and Dom for quite a while.
As much as I was fond of that name, we all agreed that a new one was needed, maybe less gory. And at the end of that year, Emma, Dom's sister, gave us the idea while I was at their house: Gothic Plague.
Medieval, creepy, gloomy… in short, perfect.
And throughout 1993 we went on like this, between trials that mostly skipped because Four, Five or Six had better things to do, constant disagreements between the three of them on one side, Dom and I on the other, because those three never happened to approve one of our ideas, while their ideas was total bullshit to us!
And even before the year ended, they abandoned us, one after the other, but it's better that way you know?
By now the rehearsals, the few that we managed to do all together, were 10% made up of music, ours, the remaining 90% of quarrels and moments of high tension... It wasn't a good life.
Dom and I discussed it for a long time, who knows why we stubbornly agreed to be five elements: they are too many!
But it's also true that, although the jam sessions between me and Dommeh (I told you I'd find a special way to call him!) are fantastic… we can't be just a duo, we need one more element: a bass player, for accuracy.
As you can imagine, we are not the only band of the school, for example there are also Fixed Penalty, who define themselves as post rock.. but in my opinion they won't go very far.
Except that in that band there is one hell of a drummer, as well as with the most difficult surname in the world: Chris Wolstenholme, who’s my same age, just a few months younger.
Dom and I fell in love with him at first sight, in the artistic sense of the word, I mean.
There was only one problem: he's a drummer, dammit, and I already have the best one on the planet!
Dom came up with an idea so crazy that maybe it could work: "Let's ask him if he wants to learn to play bass to join our band."
And, Dear Diary, you'll never believe me, but that's what we did today after his band rehearsal.
We approached him and, I can't believe it, he accepted!
Maybe he too didn't believe much in the future of his band.
Chris just asked us for a few days to learn bass and of course we allowed him to take all the time he needs.
I already know that he will be great, I just know it, as I know that he is the third element that will complete us.
Such dedication, such a great spirit of sacrifice, such a remarkable willpower… Enough, I don't need to know anything else, he is our ideal candidate, he has already done a lot for our band even before starting!
And he's such a nice guy, very down to earth, we'll love spending time with him.
Do you want to know if I’ll miss the moments just between me and Dom?
Yes, a lot… but anyway I know that he and I will always find time just for us.
You know, Diary, I've taken you back just as I had left you, that is with Dominic who is always my obsession, I keep thinking about him. I don't know how to disguise it anymore, will he notice my heart-shaped eyes when I look at him?
No, come on, I'm good at masking it… I MUST be good!
We have become so intimate after all this time… the physical contact between the two of us is now routine, we look into each other's eyes for a long time, without either of us lowering our gaze, we are each other's confessional, we know each other's states of heart, we laugh together in the happy moments and we are strong for each other in the hardest ones.
In short, we are soul mates, without even being together… in the loving sense of the term.
Even though there are moments when I'm almost certain he's one step away from kissing me, there are others when I'm about to give in and I really want to kiss him.
It's probably just all in my head. He can't reciprocate what I feel, I have to keep it in my heart, double lock it and be satisfied with what he gives me: the most splendid of friendships.
Even if all I do is get lost in my fantasies: who knows what a kiss from him would be like? He must have such soft lips, I mean, I know they are soft… one day he was drinking a latte and he had some foam left and so I took it off with my thumb… I wanted to do it with my mouth, even better with my tongue .
Who knows how he kisses… he gives me the impression of being impetuous, but at times also very sweet… and in my opinion he is one who caresses a lot, I imagine him taking my face in his hands, or running his fingers through my hair… or as he holds me by the shoulders.. or he squeezes my butt... I'd do it for sure, then I'd bring my pelvis close to his, pressing it, to make him understand how much I'm liking it... and maybe I'd find out that he likes it too.
No, no, Matt, bloody hell, calm down, your jeans are getting a little too tight here!
Let's talk about something else... like past birthdays: on his first birthday, in December, since I found out that he likes to draw a lot, I gave him a pad and some colored pencils... and he said that sooner or later he'll want to paint my portrait... I'm still waiting…forget the obscene imagery that runs wild in my mind at the thought!
I'm just saying that the clothes are not included, neither mine nor his.
No, bloody hell, I had to calm down!
Last year, on my birthday, he gave me a beautiful, fiery red acoustic guitar, telling me that even if I've become super good with the electric one, I shouldn't neglect that way of playing either.
On the other hand, last month I gave him a new bike, he's such a sportsman.
Of course, the perfect scenario would have been a tandem, me and him going on a trip to the plains of Devon, it would be so romantic…
Then I wrote a song about him, you know?
That is, 'wrote' is a big word. I'm drafting it.
It's about me breaking up with a girl I used to date and realizing that she could never be as good as him.. so far I've only written this and not even very well.. There's still a lot of work to do.
And then I don't even know what music to put it on.. but I imagine something sweet, maybe with that guitar he gave me.
Uh, I have to stop writing to you, I think Dommeh is about to wake up.
I sort of regret not having taken that photo…
Notes:
I hope you'll keep liking this little sweet thing ^^ much more to come, Muse are about to born ;)
Thank for reading the previous parts, the cuteness goes on *O*
Summary:
What if Matthew kept a secret diary since his very first meeting with Dominic till the birth of Muse and all its consequence? And what if said diary wasn’t just about music?
This work participates to the 'FirstApril' challenge of the group @Non solo Sherlock - FB multifandom events group
Teignmouth, Il Den, 15th June 1992
Hi Diary.
yes, I know, I'm terrible, I have started so well that it seemed I had to write to you every day and instead…
Look, how late I get back to you.
But I have my reasons, you know?
First I had to clarify what was important to write to you.
And, I admit it, I was a bit overwhelmed by events, I lived days so intense that they left me excited, satisfied, but too tired to share them with you.
But now, thanks to this fresh air that can only be breathed in this park where we skipped lessons countless times (and then I didn't tell you, but that fateful day after school it was right here that I asked Dom if he could give me guitar lessons), I felt like picking you up again.
Maybe it's also because Dom isn't here, he's gone on a family trip, he does it every now and then, he's very attached to his parents.
Unlike me, he has parents who love each other very much, but I'm happy for him.
How do I know all this stuff about him? Because since the day of the audition Dom and I have bonded so much. At first we only saw each other for the guitar lessons that he still gives me from time to time, even though he says I've made such remarkable progress that I'll soon be teaching him something.
And then for rehearsals with our band, me, him and One, Two, Three, because I told you I wouldn't bother learning their names... and I did right, you know?
They left because they weren't motivated enough, they walked out on us without beating about the bush and now we've been rehearsing for a few weeks with Four, Five and Six,… and if I call them that, you already know why.
But I wasn't talking about them, I've already wasted way too much ink on these pages for them, let's get back to the really important stuff.
Dom and I started looking for each other quite frequently: me offering to walk him home from school or vice versa, a movie coming out at the cinema that we both want to see, so we end up going to see it together, me inviting Dom to my place to let him listen to some of my records, him doing the same… and from his grandmother to his sister, I don't know which of that family is the kindest to me,I get a very warm welcome every time, but even in my family everyone dotes on him, me first, haha.
And when we can't see each other physically, we have very long phone calls, talking about anything, even before writing to you he called me, but since he wasn't at his house he had less time to dedicate to me and I understand that.
Last month, on May 1st to be precise, after exactly one month of going out, I banished any kind of fear or shyness. I took him aside and told him clearly: 'Dom, I think that now you are my best friend.'
There was a moment of silence on his part, as he looked at me seriously in the face and I was already completely desperate, fearing that I had run before I could walk, that I had frightened him in some way.
But then do you know what he did? He smiled at me, hugged me tightly and replied: “Oh, Matteh, if you hadn't said it I would have. You're my best friend too, but I don't think that, I know that for all intents and purposes.”
'Matteh', he had never called me that... I like that he has his own way of calling me, now I want to find one too.
So, do you understand, dear Diary? I not only have a regular band, but I also have a best friend, the most special one there could ever be.
And then that hug… something moved inside me… I mean, he and I are very physical, we love contact with each other very much, whether it's to play a joke or when we need some affection… but so close… he had never held me like that before and it was such a beautiful feeling.
Uh, it's true I left you with a nice unfinished business… would I be able to write a song?
Well, the answer is yes, and more than one, it's like having opened a Pandora's box: I can't stop myself anymore and I pull out a bit of everything, from the rabid, even better if stuffed with swear words that are so cool, haha, on the verge of nonsense… and all with a mad rhythm, which Dom handles beautifully… and it goes without saying that Dom approved my songs with unprecedented enthusiasm.
Only then I also tried something more serious, reasoned and, bloody hell, it scares me to dig so deep into my soul and find out what comes out of it.
But it is one of those fears that fascinate me.
Not even Dom has read those lyrics, for now they remain where they are.
However, during these days there was also an event that is certainly important to me, my birthday. And Dom knows me so well by now, he knows my mom's passions that he passed on to me too, so he gave me a Ouija board. Not that I didn't already have one... or ten, but I appreciated it so much, even more because he wanted to have a séance with me, even if he was pissing himself off with fear!
We summoned a spirit, I asked him if we are going to be the most amazing band on the planet and he replied: 'Soon'.
Who knows if he's right, in my opinion he is and time will tell, time that I can't wait to spend with Dom as soon as he gets back from his trip.
Uhmm… I just re-read you and I have the feeling that I’m naming Dominic a bit too much.
At this point, I really hope Dom is gay, because maybe I am becoming gay.
Great, now I also want to write a song about him.
Notes:
I pwomise some time-humps , also because this challenge asked for no more than seven entries...
I have so much to tell you and it is true that I should go in order…
No, i can't
I'M OFFICIALLY IN A BAAAAAANNNNDD WOOAAAHHHH!!!!
I couldn't wait to tell you ... write it to you .. in short, let you know!
I left you at yesterday afternoon, when against all the most adverse forecasts I managed to tidy my bedroom for real.
And when the bell rang shortly after, I had to maintain a certain composure so as not to show I was panting after running to open the door.
It was Dominic. He’s always smiling. And he brought a guitar with him.
Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to carry him up to my room and my grandmother met him already armed with freshly baked cookies.
“You are my dear Matthew's friend, how nice to meet you!” She smiled at him, extending the plate towards him.
What a bloody debacle!
I had exchanged four flipping words with him, only for his extreme courtesy he agreed to come to my house and my grandmother came out with these heavy and too classifying names.
I was one step away from going into the garden, taking the shovel and burying myself alive… but do you want to know what Dominic replied?
“Mrs. Matthew's Grandmother, time will tell. For now I consider myself just a very well received guest and very lucky to have tasted such good biscuits!”
Did I mention that boy is really adorable?
Do you think my grandmother was the greatest danger?
Well, it's because you don't know my mum, who appeared out of nowhere and looked so deeply into Dominic’s eyes as if she wanted to read his soul… and mum is psychic, she knows about this stuff.
"I am pleased to see that my son has decided to broaden his connections, he is always so alone, I always tell him that, however it’s a beautiful thing, guitar and piano cannot be his friends in the physical sense of the word!”
If first I wanted to use the shovel to bury myself, after that I wanted to take it and give myself a sharp blow on the head.
Dominic looked at her almost deeper than she had done and then replied: "Mrs Bellamy, ou’re right to be happy for that, too much solitude is not good for anyone."
I mean, do you understand? He didn't walk away, embarrassed, or worse, annoyed, or worse than worst, disgusted.
At least Paul was away from home, so once the obstacles were over, we got to my room..
He said I have a nice room, and he especially liked the posters. I found out that we have a lot of musical tastes in common, but we differ a lot on others.
He has taken his guitar, I took mine, an acoustic, like his, although I think the electric is more fun. We sat on my bed and he asked me to play him something.
Since we both like Nirvana, I chose 'Come as you are', but without singing it.
He cut me off midway, saying that the chord change was too abrupt, he showed me how it should be done.. and I have to admit that he did it much more harmoniously.
He proposed that we play it together and a beautiful synergy was immediately created, only then I anticipated a chord change, I was too frantic and ruined everything.
However, Dominic wasn’t mad at me at all for that, he put his guitar on the floor to slide towards me, he placed his hand on mine, on the neck of the guitar and made me understand the exact moment in which the chord needs to be changed.
I didn't expect that contact, it left me a little bewildered and I don't understand why... maybe it was the irrepressible desire I have to perfect myself on the guitar.
After that we tried once more playing it together and this time the synchronicity was perfect.
He complimented me a lot and I gloated like a fool.
Before leaving, he told me he hadn't missed noticing the piano I have downstairs and wanted me to play him something.
Usually I don't do it for anyone but mum, grandma or Paul… instead I sat on the stool, I chose to play the Nocturne 1 in F sharp minor by Rachmaninov and it seemed to me the most natural thing in the world.
And this was yesterday, let's move on to today... because I anticipated it, didn't I? After the lessons, today there was the audition.
I went to the classroom we had agreed on, by then deserted, where Dominic and three other guys were waiting for me, the remaining members of Carnage Mayhem, who however looked more like someone who is doing you a favor by staying there.
But not Dominic, I had his undivided attention.
This time I chose AC/DC with my beloved electric guitar, ready to perform 'Highway to Hell', I connected it to the amplifier and I no longer thought if I was respecting the passage of the chords, if the riffs I chose were too risky, as well as totally improvised; I let myself be totally carried away by the music. And I even sang, I had fun making those screams like a possessed, hahaha.
The three guys - if they didn't bother to learn my name I don't see why I should - gave a sterile micro applause… but Dominic, ooohhh, he was literally excited, he screamed, he cheered me, yes, his hands were worn out from applauding me and then he ran towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders.
“Carnage Mayhem do indeed have a new guitarist!” He announced, super smiling. “And also a singer, I might add.” then he only said this to me, in my ear: "And after your performance yesterday afternoon at your house, which was incredible, I can certainly say a pianist, too."
I'm not used to all this attention, to seeing my talent - hell yeah, Diary, at least I don't have to be modest with you, I have an immense fucking talent and it can't remain confined to my room, much less this shit hole town. - recognized, but above all so appreciated.
And as if I didn't fill enough roles already, Dominic left me with a question that's been racking my brain: "Can you even write songs?"
Yes, come on, I think I can do it… or at least I'll try.
Ah, d’ you know he told me I can call him 'Dom'? And I told him he can call me 'Matt'… I don't know, it makes it more confidential, I like it better.
However,Dom is way, way too kind… he must be gay for sure!
So far on ao3 this has been an epic fail, so let's try here, too:
this fic was born thanks to a challenge in an Italian group: choose a character and go introspective writing his diary.
Two rules: it must start with a 1st April and it can't have more than seven entries.
So... guess which is the character I picked up?
whichever could be the pairing then? ;P
it's 1992, welcome to Teignmouth:
Summary:
What if Matthew kept a secret diary since his very first meeting with Dominic till the birth of Muse and all its consequence? And what if said diary wasn’t just about music?
This work participates to the 'FirstApril' challenge of the group @Non solo Sherlock - FB multifandom events group
Disclaimer: I don't own/know Muse, least of all Matthew Bellamy (but it's fun trying to get inside his young, bwilliant head, lol), it's all totally invented (save for what it's true in Wiki, articles, interviews and books) and I earn less than nothing from it
And, of course, the title of this fic is taken from the lyrics of the beautiful 'Unintended' by Muse
I: 1st April 1992
Teignmouth, My house, 1st april 1992
If I write it then it’ll come true: I, Matthew James Bellamy, will have a band with worldwide success! Huh, did I say 'worldwide'? Planetarium, we will be the first band to play on the Moon!
After all, with you I can allow myself to talk big, right? You are my diary, starting from today, because I have decided so.
Finally what I thought was a useless gift from my brother Paul last Christmas makes sense.
You will be my confidant, dear Diary, that's what average people call you most of the time isn't that? I will tell you all my deepest thoughts.
And I'm just starting today because something epic happened.
I've been playing the guitar for a few years, the piano for practically more than half of my life and I'm still not part of any band, not stable at least... but today something has changed.
I mustered up the courage to go to Dominic Howard, who is so popular and can play so well, both drums and guitar.
I've been so stupid for all these months, blocked by bloody prejudices that have turned out to be unfounded: I thought he was an arrogant, that he liked to show off, that he would be extra elusive ... but no, he's the most available and kindest person in the world.
I asked him if he could give me some guitar lessons to improve myself, I was sure he would refuse, but not only did he accept, with a big smile, (I'm starting to believe that boy always smiles and risks dazzling you when he does, next time I'll I'll meet him wearing sunglasses!) but he also said that he just needs one more guitarist for his band, Carnage Mayhem, isn't that a really cool name?
And so, in a way, now I can consider it my band too, don't you think?
Well yeah, it's not like he's said yes yet, he just said he's looking for another member and he'll audition for me tomorrow after school... a real audition, like professional musicians, so cool!
But I will try all my very best, he must understand that I am the right element to complete the band!
You know, I'm generally a cosmic pessimist about everything, but this time I allow myself the luxury of expressing some optimism and already consider myself one of them.
So… yes, let me say it: I will be part of a band, but this time in a serious way, I'm sure it will last!
Today is the beginning of something important, I feel it.
Now I have to stop here.
Dominic said he's starting guitar lessons today and he's on his way here and I can't leave my room in total chaos, it’s already more than enough the one in my mind, but at least I can rearrange the room.
You know, Dominic is… I don't think I've ever seen a guy like that… he's blond, yes, but he's really sunny in his own attitude!
Oh God… his hair is so long that… maybe he's gay, maybe I'll grow it too, to make him feel less uncomfortable!
Arghh what am I doing? I said I had to stop writing to you, there's a devastated room waiting for me!
