Finn’s cold hands are clinging on to your neck, his legs around your waist. Ahead of you are people on horses, and they carry guns more updated than yours. Where they got them isn’t something you’re interested in knowing. What they intend to do with them is, and the protection of your son is your priority.
“You’ve got ten seconds to tell us why you’re here before I blow your brains out!” One of them men shouts, and Freddie sniffles into your neck.
Your words won’t come out, despite the fear for your son forcing panic into your veins. You swallow hard, your arms tightening around Finn.
“I’ll say it again!” He bellows. You don’t move; the snow is turning your calves numb. “Tell us why you’re here—”
“Some guy on the radio!” You try, looking up at the man who shouted. “Said there was space here. Daniel, or someone?”
The longer you stand, the heavier Finn seems to get, the colder your body becomes, and the more panic settles in your bones. Will these be your last moments? On the way up here, you’d noticed bodies laying about—your boy had been up and in your arms instantly. Would you turn out like them? Cold, left for people to look away from?
A fierce protectiveness for your son comes over you, worn and tired, but still there. It’s a type of instinct that goes back to the very first human beings alive. And it’s the instinct that makes you determined, now, to get to safety, wherever that might be.
“Listen,” you started. “I—”
The man didn’t lower his gun, neither did his comrades around him. But he did ease up. Turning his head to the woman on the dark horse to his right, he said, “Get the dog.”
The dog? You wondered. What the hell would they need a dog for? It wasn’t like you outnumbered them. Their guns would kill you much faster.
“Put the kid down,” someone else demanded. Your eyes lifted to him—covered in a heavy jacket, his face shielded with a scarf besides his eyes, you couldn’t quite make out what he looked like. All you knew was that he didn’t need to look scary to get you to do as he said—his voice did it for you. “The dog’ll tell us if either of you are infected.”
“We’re not—”
“Stop talking. Put the kid down or I’ll shoot you right here.”
Easier said than done. Another man came from the gate ahead of you, a tall, dark-furred dog on a lead. Was that a German Shepard? The second the word ‘dog’ was uttered, Finn had peeked out from your neck, the space growing cold, and became interested in the animal. You’d have thought him happy to see it.
If not for him squeezing the life out of your shoulders. He shook his head. “Mom—”
“It’s okay,” you muttered, kissing him encouragingly on the cheek. Maybe his last kiss. “I just gotta put you down for a second. You’re getting heavy, now.” Everything you went against. But if it got you any more time to bargain…
Finn’s gold curls shook. “No.”
You began to grow desperate. With eyes and guns on you, you shifted Finn to one arm, and lifted your free, shaky hand to try and pull Freddie’s hands away from your neck.
The dog was let off it’s lead, sprinting over, kicking up snow as it ran. Finn grew closer to you, your hand tightening on his. The dog lowered its head and sniffed at your knees, only visible above the thick snow. The animal whined, but moved back. Then onto Freddie. You knew nothing was wrong with him. You’d protected him day and night and fought hard to do that. It was a relief when the dog moved back from him, too, and ran off back to the man previously holding it.
“Michael,” a woman’s voice called. “Fetch a horse for the newcomers.”
You just hoped you weren’t making a mistake.
—
“That’s our sort of dining place. Community cookouts, baking, just everything to do with food is here.” The large building with tall windows and yellow, warm lights inside. “You can get food there pretty much all day every day. They stop serving at midnight, open again five in the mornin.”
The small town mustn’t have gotten new people often, because it was like you were the main attraction. On your own horse, Freddie seated in front of you with yours arms around him holding the horse’s reigns, you were led into the gated community. It was like being transported back to 2003, before the world turned to unrecognisable shit. To Freddie, it was all new. But for you? This town was everything you’d hoped and dreamed for in the last twelve years come to life. It was like the Cordyceps never happened, here.
A cobblers. A small supermarket. A couple of clothes stores, outfits on mannequins in the windows. People milled the town, eating food and laughing and talking along the sidewalks, or rushed like they had to get home or to a job on time. Things were…normal? How long had this place existed?
It was an overflow of emotions, and you weren’t ashamed when liquid shock ran down your cheeks.
“It’s a lot to take in, I know,” the dark-skinned woman to your left voiced your feelings. You leaned your head down to rub your cheek on your’s knotty hair. “I was the same a couple years back. It takes a while to remember you’re really awake. It’s not some weird dream.”
You nodded absently, eyes wandering. “Yeah,” you laughed breathily. “You can say that again.”
Kids ran alongside the horses but not too close, giggling childishly as they rough and tumbled in the snow.
“So, uh…” you swallowed, and finally looked at the woman at your side. Her hair was braided, tied back, and she nodded as you spoke, urging you to go on. “Where do we go from here? What happens next?”
For the last few months, you had called the shots. Once out of the quarantine zone in Arizona, everything from safety to happiness had been your responsibility. Now, inside this gated community of pure bliss and disbelief, who construed what? What happened now?
The woman nodded forward. The others had since left her to get you acquainted with the place. “There’s a couple of unoccupied houses left behind from years back. They’re slowly building new ones and extending the place. But for now we’ll put you up in one of the houses already here, they’re mostly furnished so you won’t need to worry about any of that. And you can stay as long as you like, or need. Once you’re settled enough we can talk more about maybe finding you a job or getting your boy enrolled in school.”
You felt a little silly for being overwhelmed by everything. The street lamps dusted with snow. The buildings and shops lit up with light and people wondering about happily. You paid good money for a brief few moments of information with the guy on the radio back at the quarantine zone. You’d prayed it hadn’t been for nothing—an empty lie. And it hadn’t.
“I’m sorry,” the woman’s gentle voice came. You looked at her. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you all at once. My name’s Maria.”
You nodded and smiled the best you could. You told her your name and tried to sound happy about it. Then your focus shifted to the little boy in front of you, staring wide-eyed at everything.
“This is Freddie,” you said softly. He looked up at you and smiled. “He just turned five yesterday.”
Maria gasped playfully. “Oh, woah!” She said. Freddie giggled at her, hiding shyly in your front. “That’s the best age, little man.”
Seven months of you being his only company had worn Freddie down from a happy as can be, talkative child to a shy, hesitant one. You felt so guilty that your mom instincts made you want to fix it ASAP. And lord, you prayed this place was the answer to all your prayers.
The house Maria led you to was a one-storey building with a small porch and the outside painted a dark-green. Upon arrival, she climbed down from her horse first and you wondered just what she was doing.
Maria kneeled in the snow which buried the first step of the porch you couldn’t see. She pulled a side piece out, and dug around for a second before pulling something silver out—the key.
She came over again to yourself and Freddie, pulling the horses over to the porch and tying their reigns up side-by-side. You climbed down first, swinging into the freezing glinting white, and held your hands up for Freddie next. His little backpack, once blue-now-brown from rough sleeping and all weather exposure, was pulled onto your shoulder, over your own backpack, as he reached down or you. Maria was patient, something you mentally thanked her for. Once settled into your arms, you walked to the porch, Maria holding your elbow as she guided you up the snowy and hidden three steps, and unlocked the front door.
Once again, you were neither shocked nor ashamed of the tears.
It was like stepping into the past. Into a more peaceful time. You had been seventeen years old on outbreak day. Your last year of normality was spent laughing at lunch in a warm corridor and then going home to your mom. You’d walked up steps as normal as the ones here to bed. You’d come home to somewhere quiet and calm like this for the last time without knowing it would be a long, long time before it happened again.
You were a different person now to back then. But something inside of you begged to be acknowledged—you had ached for this feeling for a long time.
“It’s alright,” Maria dug around in her pocket. She held it out. In one hand, a tissue packet. In the other, a tissue. “We’ve all been here, hun.”
As if only just tuning in to your emotions, Freddie turned back to look at you from where he’d been gazing around the entry hall, the long strip of hallway space leading to the kitchen at the end. You could see the back door and part of a cupboard from where you were standing.
“What’s wrong, mom?” He asked, laying a gentle hand on your cheek, the same way you did to him. “Why are you sad?”
“I’m not sad, baby,” you shook your head and smiled as well as you could. “I’m happy.”
Happy. Sad. Angry. Confused. Elated. Tired.
“Where are we?”
You sniffled, raising your hand to wipe your eyes and nose with the tissue Maria had given you before tucking it in your jacket pocket.
“This,” you cleared your throat, adjusting him. “Is our new home.” You tried to change your tone and sound more upbeat. “Can we?…”
Maria nodded and waved a hand, smiling. “Go ahead and look around. Do you want the door to be locked?”
You said yes, and set Freddie down, taking his hand tightly in yours as Maria set to. Finally it was quiet enough to take in everything in your own time. The walls were bare besides empty picture frames. And the same light-brown hardwood, oak-effect flooring was laid throughout, it seemed. Freddie stuck to your side, beginning to warm up in your hold.
To the left was a small living room, furnished just as Maria said. An open fireplace lay dusty and in need of a clean, but looked like it would work just fine. On the back wall and the one to your right were two two-seater sofas, in the middle of the room a glass coffee table, and almost a foreign sight in the corner by the window—a wide-screen television.
“Woah,” Freddie gasped, trying to wander to it. “What’s that?!”
“That,” you laughed. “Is a television. Probably doesn’t work now, though.”
He tried out the word, and you pulled him with you, setting off out of the room and down the hall. Again on the left was a bathroom; you checked all the taps ran and oh my God hot water. The kitchen was basic but heaven in your eyes—working taps, cupboards with a few dishes and cups and cutlery and blinds over the back door and window.
You found the bedrooms—the bigger one, to be yours, was decorated too. A double bed against the wall on your left when you walked in, a nice set of dusky-blue curtains hung up by the window, an oak closet with clothes inside, and a small bookshelf with books. Actual books. You’d have more time to look through them all later. “This is mom’s new room,” you uttered, looking around. Freddie ran his fingers over the bedside table, rubbing them on his pants when dust arose. You’d need to give it all a good clean, but it was more than you’d dreamed of. Sensing he was growing fidgety, no doubt looking for something for him, you changed the situation.
“How about we check out your room?” You grinned, and Freddie cheered.
His room was just next door to yours, perfect since you couldn’t stand to let him go far just yet. Not until you’d checked the place out. And at least found the courage to let your protective instincts soften in this place.
Maybe Maria knew it was a child’s bedroom once. Maybe she just knew the house was big enough. Either way, you thanked her for picking this house in particular for yourself and your boy, because when you pushed open the door slowly and cautiously, you found there was nothing dangerous to catch your eye.
Only beautiful paintings along the walls.
Freddie gasped, running into the centre of the room. “Mom! Look!”
You nodded slowly, eyes watering again. “Yeah, baby…I’m looking. How great is this?” You swallowed hard, emotion clogging your throat.
One wall had been painted with love. A pretty ocean-blue painted in up and downs to be waves had been joined with cartoon-like sea creatures: fish of all colours, crabs scuttling along small dunes under the sea, coral and seaweed growing from the skirting boards. The colours had faded a little in some places from the sun and years of dust settling, it looked like, but this was everything you’d dreamed of for your son, and he was taken with it all. A single bed stripped of its bedding lay against the wall under the window. You’d move it over a bit, you decided, just in case anyone broke in. On the adjacent wall was a three-door closer and a set of drawers. A set of four boxes in a stand were pulled out by an exploring and over-excited Freddie, revealing—
“COOOOOOL!” He bellowed. You couldn’t help but laugh. His joy was your joy. “What…what the…?”
“These are dinosaurs,” you walked over and kneeled at his side. You picked up a…you didn’t know which dinosaur it was, really, but knew they all roughly made the same noise. You walked it up Freddie’s covered arm and made the noise of a dinosaur roaring quietly. He laughed at you like you were the silliest thing since you’d told him the stars were balls of energy.
“D’ya wanna play here while I talk to the lady out there?” You asked, looking at him closely. You swept his hair out of his eyes. He gazed, mesmerised, at all the different dinosaurs in the box and nodded, transfixed. “Shout me if you need me, little dude, alright?”
Maria was waiting for you in the kitchen.
Now came the hard part. “I don’t know if there’s some sort of catch or anything,” you waved a hand to her and she instantly shook her head, protesting.
“No catch. At all. I promise. Think of this place as a safe, normal QZ with no FEDRA. We’re just a town as normal as can be trying to live as normally as possible.”
“I feel like I’m being led on,” you voiced.
Anxiety brewed in your chest, and you took slow and steady breaths to try and combat it.
Maria was kind, so far. But you decided you’d better wait before settling on what kind of person she was. You would not make that mistake ever again. Not in this day and age.
“This is the only key to the house, so don’t lose it,” Maria said. Her steps were loud in the otherwise quiet house. She placed it in your hand you’d stretched out to meet her halfway. “Do either of you want food yet?” You shook your head. Both yourself and Freddie needed time to look around get acquainted with the place.
Maria nodded in understanding. “I’ll come by later tonight, or if I can’t someone else will, to take you down to dinner. Usually on a Tuesday night there’s a little kids group going on in the town hall, just a small thing. There’s some music and lemonade and such. They do a storytime at the end of the night, if Freddie would be interested in that?”
It sounded good. Too good. And you weren’t quite sure what to make of it. It would be good for Freddie to be with other kids, as he rarely ever had been, but you weren’t anywhere near ready to let go of him yet.
“I’ll think about it,” you said. “But it sounds really good.”
What also sounded really good was a sleep and a shower, and to stop talking. Seven months with barely any conversation with adults felt almost alien. It had just been you and Freddie for so, so long.
You saw Maria to the doorstep. Just as she got out to where the snow touched her hair, she turned around. You smiled politely but wondered what she wanted. Was the inevitable catch coming?
“Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need anything. Even just to talk. We’re all here for each other, okay?”
Your throat was tight. “Mhm.”
With that, she left.
You stepped back inside.
You locked the door.
And you sank down to the floor, tears stinging your eyes. Too much to take in.
His little voice called out, bringing you from the darkness.
“Mom! Come look at this!”
Being brave for your child is your first priority.
“I’m coming!”
CHAPTER TWO
the first chapter is up and out! I’m happy with it. we’ll go deeper into the emotions and process of new starts in the upcoming chapters.
hope you enjoyed it!
taglist (comment or message if you’d like to be added!)
Andrew was on a long weekend break from university. Carla had more news for her friends, and he wanted to be here for it. Now he wished he were anywhere but here.
Denaris had been looking everywhere for him. Finally, he found him sitting on a bench outside his house staring fixedly.
“What’re you doing? It’s freezing out here.”
Andrew didn’t reply.
“Come inside, my balls are shrivelling up.”
“I don’t care about your balls.”
“No, but Shanice does.”
Denaris gave in and sat down. “I don’t know what to say.” He knew the news that came today was a shock to all of them.
“You can’t say anything.” Andrew’s voice was even.
“Yeh but…you’re scaring me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. There’s all this weird nervous energy around you.”
“That’s because I feel like I’m going to explode.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’ve decided I’m not going back to uni.”
“What? Shit! Have you told your parents?”
“No.”
“You can’t give up on your life, bro.”
“I can’t do it now. I’m going to leave. After the wedding.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t believe I just said that.”
“I can’t believe she’s getting married.” Denaris was stunned.
Andrew’s mouth drew into a thin line.
“I mean, the baby was hard enough. Where will you go?”
Andrew stared at the ground. “I’m gonna travel. Go wherever. As far away as I can.”
Denaris sighed. “Just…be safe, man. Don’t do anything stupid while you’re gone.”
“Like what? Get married and have a baby?” Andrew’s tone was sarcastic.
“Nah, I meant more like get a bad tattoo or locked up or somethin’.”
“Huh, you spoil all my fun.”
“Yeh, you know it. Now will you bloody well come inside; I can’t feel my ass.”
