To date, my favorite things I've said about/at my job:
"nothing in this building has any moral to keep working, even the bathrooms are staging a coup"
"it's like a tiny fence built around a chicken, the chicken runs in circles trying to find an escape when all it would have to do is jump over and into freedom. All of the cage is in the chickens mind"
"well sir, I'm sorry that your ex-girlfriend got custody of your dog, but she can't claim it as a household member to get extra benefits, even if his name is Clyde."
"Ma'am I can't tell you that you can't appeal for a hearing on your case, but your last coverage was 10 years ago... in a different state... No the coverage does not cross over."
"miss I am aware of your situation, and I'm going to have to ask you to not hit the glass with your Splenda bottle as it might brea....." *Over intercom* can someone bring a mop and a first aid kit to the front?
"did your water just break? Your water just broke, I will call an ambulance. You don't want an ambulance? Do you have a ride to the hospital? You want to catch the bus? It's 35 degrees outside, you're soaking wet, and you want to wait for the bus..."
"sir, I can't hear you, you said you put what in your mouth? Marshmallows? You put marshmallows in your mouth? Oh... Not your mouth.... Okay..."