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Yours 2

You don’t know what you do to me.

I don’t fully know either.

These days I must recognize how sorrily

out of touch I am with these hands.

Over this past month time has been an

enemy and a friend with patience running thin.

Do you know that feeling?

The one where you worry that you are unequal

in your affections in comparison to the other?

I watched a comet streak across the skies once.

When I look at the stars I think of you

maybe looking at the same skies as I do.

I wonder if you read these.

Some days I want to ask what you think about

when I have nothing to distract myself with.

Yet I know that I won’t get a response when

I have the time to appreciate who you are inside

My playlists are being consumed by you and I am

freely corrupting every song when it plays with you

on my mind.

Will I be able to stomach these lyrics when this

is over one day?

When I look at the stars I think about how maybe

one day I could see them with you here rather than

there far away from my shea butter hands.

I want the things I see in my dreams but somehow

this week has not been so kind with its ministrations

of ruined hopes and marred realities

Should I give you up?

Should I let go of you tonight or do what I must to be

patient and wise in my time of few virtues?

When I was walking with you in eyes I felt my raw throat

close around to stop my breathing and convince me that

this time I would not survive.

I watched cars go by as I sunk deeper into my nighttime depression.

As I wandered I tried to hide my rent heart and

ruined clear eyes that had become blurry.

With a stroke of clear judgement these naked feet

inside maroon fraying shoes soaked by the already

present dew at midnight took me back to safety.

I passively returned to the security of campus center

to look upon other sites that would maybe offer comfort

in their familiarity-as ironic as that is to my thoughts.

The blacked grey and red tower of unity and activity

was graced by the presence of a gorgeous rarity.

A magnificent creature flew to the roof and watched

me with an intent gaze while my head ceased to spin

out of control into madness and decay.

Saved by chaos indeed in that small moment.

When I am alone and see the full complement of stars in

the darker portions of the sprawling one story

homes around this bright campus

I cannot think of anything but you when I try to occupy

my mind with illogical pursuits.

I have been taught to not talk aloud to myself in public

Spaces to hide my strange thoughts and nonlinear

Process of speculation.

Do you miss me when you see each pretending speck

of starlight on clear nights to the same extent

that this confused heart does?

Or am I some memory you have stored away for the

times when you have a convenient moment to draw me

further into this horror that is unbalance?

You are the epitome of chaos in this life I live.

I stay up so late that it’s early and with you around

I could stand to lose everything with one text.

Would you do that to me?

Do I dare to dive into defiance and stick to this plan

that may save us?

I question our existence.

Yet in all this anger, confusion, grief, and heartache

I stay with you and wish you no harm.

Someday I want to know if you felt this to or if I

am perpetually without congruity to others.

Let me slumber in blue shades and mountains watching

over my unsettling sleep.

Let me be honest in the way I am in written word and

maybe let me be yours.

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