Silent Thoughts- Aaron Doh imagine
Warnings: mention of sexual activity and slight cussing
“I wanna see your face once more but, can’t stand to see your face no more cause, your pretty little face just brings me pain, me pain, me pain”
I know I should’ve never done it and I can’t even figure why I did it, but I did. I broke his heart, which broke mine. Aaron said he didn’t want to see me till he could figure things out for himself, I still went to see him, to try and work things out. I shouldn’t have, within minutes of me being near him he told me to leave, he couldn’t bear to see me, he didn’t want to see me. Could I blame him though? No I couldn’t.
“Bye baby, I’m going to film with Brennen, I’ll see you tonight for our date” you uttered to Aaron then kissing his cheek. You and Brennen were going to be filming a dirty never have I ever for your channel. You got to Brennen’s house and stating setting up your camera, lights, and writing the I have and I have not signs.
“Hey guys it’s Y/N here once again and today I am joined by the one and only Brennen Taylor! Today we will be doing a dirty never have I ever! You ready Brennen?”, “I was born ready baby!’ Brennen yells to the camera.
“Never have I ever had a threesome before” We both rose our have not signs.
“Never have I ever had sex with someone on a family member’s bed” I raised my have not sign while Brennen raised his I have sign. “Yo wtf Brennen!’ “What!”
“Never have I ever either gotten or given anal” Brennen raised his I have sign while I raised the I have not sign. “You’ve never done anal before?!’ Brennen exclaimed, “Nope, never done that before” I said shyly, my cheeks turning a light shade of pink, “damn, I feel like you’d be into it’ Brennen commented still not believing I’ve never done it before. After about 10 more questions we decided to wrap up the video so we would still have time to hang out before I had to meet Aaron tonight.
“Well that’s a wrap guys, I hope you enjoyed the video and that it didn’t make you to uncomfortable. Make sure to follow both me and Brennen on all our socials, they will be linked in the description. Till next time, ci vendiamo babies!”
“Well what do you wanna do now Bren?” “I say we watch Hush on Netflix before you have to leave” “Whatever, sure”, it wasn’t my favorite movie but I knew Brennen liked it.
We sat on his couch and I started cuddling Kobe while Brennen put the movie on. Half way through the movie I was getting bored and anxious, Brennen could tell.
“So you’ve seriously have never had anal before?”, Brennen laughed, “Are we seriously going to talk about this”, I was kinda annoyed. “I mean it’s just an experience, something different and new” Brennen was saying, “How would you know, has colby been giving you some?”, my snarky side came out, “haha so funny Y/N, no but I’ve given some before”, he sounded to proud for his well being, I was tired of hearing him talk about it at this point, “Cool now shut the fuck up weirdo”.
After that I don’t really know how it happened but it did, I tried something new that I shouldn’t have done with brennen. It ended with me naked next to Brennen on his couch starting to tear up, not from physical pain, but emotional from what I just did to Aaron, even if he didn’t know about it. I laid there beside Brennen feeling numb, not knowing what to do, then I realized I was supposed to meet Aaron for our date 10 minutes ago. Shit was all that came out of my mouth as I gathered my cloths and put them on not caring that Brennen was watching me. I collected my filming equipment and dashed to my car, quickly fixing my hair and makeup in the car mirror. I made it to the restaurant pretty much 30 minutes late, hoping Aaron was still there I rushed into the restaurant. I told the hostess I was here with a reservation under Aaron and she pointed me to where he was sitting, he was still there. “Hey baby sorry I’m late, Brennen ended up not being home when I got there so we got late start on filming and ran over time” I said making the lie up right on the spot hoping he couldn’t tell I was lying. “That’s okay babe, I got you a tea and ordered us some appetizers” Aaron said sweetly while standing up to pull out my chair for me and give me a kiss. How did I get so lucky, I thought, and I just messed it all up.
After hours of chatting, eating, and laughing in the restaurant, with me feeling guilty the whole time, we headed back home. I broke his heart and he doesn’t even know it yet and that’s what was killing me on the way home, I was glad we took separate cars. I wanted to tell him when we got home, but I just couldn’t, I told myself I would tell him tomorrow, but I didn’t, I’ll tell him next week, but I didn’t, not even the week after that. I eventually thought I just wouldn’t tell him, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right?
*two days before present*
It’s been three weeks since the whole thing and I’ve cried almost everyday. I haven’t seen or spoke to Brennen since what happened, but today I had to face him as he was coming over and spending the day filming and hanging out with Colby. I just planned on staying in either my room or Aaron’s room all day, but that didn’t happen. It was a beautiful day so Aaron wanted to go swimming in the pool and I just couldn’t say no to him after what I had done. We had to go past Colby and Brennen in the living room to get to the pool, I was praying that they wouldn’t notice, but of course Colby see’s everything, including Aaron and I trying to get to the pool. “Hey guys, what are you two up to” he practically yelled, “well it’s a really nice day out so Aaron and I were just gonna go for a swim in the pool” I managed to utter out, nervous as I could feel Brennen staring at me. “Oh that’s cool, now that you mention it is a pretty nice day out, Brennen and I will probably join you two” Colby said as he started standing up, “oh yay” I tried sounding excited but it was hard to be. “We’ll be down in a few minutes” Brennen chimed in.
Within a few minutes Colby and Brennen joined us in the water, I tried avoiding Brennen as best as I could for the two hours we we’re in the pool. Finally Aaron decided we should get out and go back inside and I couldn’t have been any happier.
I was trying to get rid of the extreme guilt that was boiling inside me from seeing Brennen but it was impossible. So, as I was cuddling with Buddy and Aaron in his bed, I exploded, i couldn’t keep it from him any longer and I said it.
“I cheated on you with Brennen!” I couldn’t keep it in “When I was late for our date and said I was late because of filming, that was a lie, I had sex with Brennen and lost track of time” I wanted to die at this point, I didn’t look at Aaron, I just couldn’t. All Aaron could mutter out was a simple, what.
“I’m so sorry baby, I don’t know why it happened but it did after we filmed, and it’s been eating me alive and tearing me down ever since” I was crying, and I knew he was too. That’s when he got up and left the room, not knowing what he was going to do I followed him, down the hall. down the stairs, that’s when he bursted.
“HOW COULD YOU, FOR THE PAST YEAR OF US DATING I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING, I TREATED YOU LIKE THE PRINCESS I THOUGHT YOU WERE AND YOU DO THIS!” he was chocking back tears. Aaron was always so calm and never yelled, so when he yelled I knew I had really messed up. We didn’t know it but Colby and Brennen were still in the living room, which is where we were headed. When Aaron finished yelling we were in the living room with the boys. Aaron realized that and instead of getting mad when he saw Brennen, he just started crying.
“I spent a year of my life with you, the happiest year of my life, and you cheat on me with our friend” he cried out, this really grabbed Colby’s attention.
“Y/N you cheated on Aaron? with who?’ Colby was confused and was getting angery once he learned I cheated on Aaron.
Brennen spoke up answering Colby’s question, “Y/N and I slept together three weeks ago” he looked just as ashamed as I did. That sentence angered Colby even more knowing that his best friend slept with me knowing I was dating Aaron, which got him even more mad at me.
“Y/N, you should go for a little bit” Colby said since Aaron couldn’t say anything. I left, my heart broken, my mind foggy, I didn’t want to lose Aaron, but I know I just did.
Since I told Aaron, I’ve been staying at a friends house so I wouldn’t upset Aaron even more, Colby won’t talk to me. Sam texted me asking what happened and if it was true, but I just ignored him. Yesterday Aaron told me he needed time to himself to figure things out and I understand, so I’m giving him space and leaving him alone. Brennen texted and tried calling me but I just blocked his number, I never want to talk to him again.
It’s almost 5pm and Aaron texted me, I got my hopes up for some stupid reason and thought that he might want to work it out, but I was completely wrong. He broke up with me just like I broke his heart. I lost the love of my life, the man I thought I would marry, because of a youtube video and temptation. My friend was having her boyfriend around tonight and I didn’t want to be around them. I took my little bag I had of stuff I took with me when I came over and I left to go back home, to see if anybody would even want there after what I did. I pulled up to the drive way and saw Aaron’s car gone, he’s probably at the gym. As I unlocked and opened the door I could hear everybody in the living room hanging out. I tried being as quite as possible, which I was, but the dogs weren’t. It started with Navi and then Buddy followed. Everyone called out thinking it was Aaron, but they saw me instead. I darted upstairs, hoping no one would follow and they didn’t. At about 12 I was dying of thirst and had to go down to the kitchen. Aaron was there eating his egg whites, I saw him and avoided eye contact trying not to cry and I know he was too. What I said next was impulsive but I think it needed to happen.
“I think I’m gonna move out, I know you don’t want me here and I know all the other roommates are gonna look at me in a different way, I don’t want to hurt you anymore b-” out of habit I almost called him baby, but I can’t do that anymore, I lost that right. With that I went back to my room with my water and cried till I fell asleep. I was awoken but the lick of a dog, opening my eyes I saw it was buddy, Aaron was standing in my doorway.
“Buddy missed you and wanted in, hope you don’t mind” he said it with the blankest expression on his face and no feeling in his voice.
“Oh, Buddy’s fine, I missed the little guy too” I wanted to say I missed Aaron, but I lost that right too.
‘Also Y/N don’t move out, we may not be together anymore but that doesn’t mean you have to move out. Yeah, what you did really hurt me but over time I’ll learn to forgive you. As for the house mates, they’re really disapointed but they’ll forgive you too.” Buddy was licking up my fallen tears at this point as Aaron walked out my door.
In my quietest voice I whispered “I love you Aaron”, but I had lost that right.
