#yuelin

[andromeda-xyz]

新年快乐 from my DND ocs 🐍✨

[yuelin19]

My emotions are filling up like a snow. How I wish summer come fast and melt them. Please stop it. I can't take it anymore. I'm being buried under neat. How could I run away? Should I just die? Please summer save me before I let it kill me.

[yuelin19]

I forget but I don't forgive. Everything were just forgotten. It's easy that way. My self control helps me to keep them all inside. I don't get mad easily. I get a hold of myself every time someone provoke me to be mad. I should have known better. My self control is the only thing that keeping me alive and still making me walk on the path they said was right. Every time I lost it, all the emotion and hatred that been forgotten are flowing back like there's no ending. It hurts so much. I want to die so badly. I wanna run away. I'm so afraid to lose it. I know I still want to live. I know it's a sin just thinking about taking your own life. But if I keep on holding it I know I will lose my own self eventually because it also holding all my feelings. Letting it keep untold.

[yuelin19]

The Right Words

I want to stop but then I don’t want to quit. I want to run but I also want to stay. I want to throw everything away but why can’t I let go? ‘I’m lost’, I say. I want dead as soon as possible but then I just really want to run away, wasn't I? If dead is really what I wanted then why is there still hope of living inside me? Why my unanswered prayers do still hurts me? My dreams, why they’re still there if there’s really no hope in me?

I know what I want but I don’t know where to go. I’m lost, indeed. I want to live but where should I go? Could I really say that ‘I’m lost’ when the only thing I did is to blind myself from what the world says? What should be the right words to say? Maybe I’m not lost. It is just that I can’t accept the path I choose. It makes me hate myself to the point that dead becomes my option.

What should I say for one to understand? If I’m lost for words to describe what’s real in me and those right words are lost, how could I make them feel? I want to live. I know there’s still hope in me. That’s right, I’m not lost. I never was. That’s because this path is what I choose from the start.

‘I need help’, maybe that should be it. Maybe I just hate to admit that I’m weak, that’s why it stock up inside me.

‘I need help’, that’s right. That’s the right words to describe what’s going on me. I just really need help and not a way out, not even dead.