남궁코에미 @yuggxm
THE GIRL SHOWED SIGNS OF NOT EATING A PROPER MEAL IN AT LEAST 3 WEEKS, HAVING LOST A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT AND BODILY STRENGTH.
if his eyes weren’t already glued to the phone screen, he would have rolled them until he couldn’t see anything but the darkness. he had already read the article multiple times. before he could even get through the headline, he was out the door. before he could manage to swallow the words of the first paragraph, he had pushed his way into and through the afternoon crowd. stormy hued eyes took in as many sentences as they could at a time, haphazardly putting together symbols of hangul that otherwise meant nothing to him when alone but they were all attached to her name. his cheeks flushed with the redness of embarrassment, anger at himself and the attempted will to prevent himself from harboring any resentment for her.
he knew she was lying to him. of course, she was starving. her figure had slimmed down through her clothes to the point where he didn’t even have to wrap his arms around her to tell she was thinning.
he had been lying to himself; she’s been dancing for hours at a time for GOD only knows how many consecutive days. she’s been training, she’d tell you if she needed anything.
she knows you’d give her anything.
no, of course she doesn’t, why would she trust him with anything anymore?
how could she, when his past speaks for itself?
a harsh swallow as he followed the words on the screen for the nineteenth time in a row.
SHE IS HEAVILY GAURDED IN ICU, AND IT’S BEEN REPORTED THAT HER FATHER, NAMGOONG HYUN, A WELL KNOWN SURGEON IN BUSAN, HAD TRAVELED TO SEE HER AND AID IN BRINGING HER BACK TO HEALTH.
how could he forget? by the time he had finished reading the entire segment, he was trying to force his way into the hospital room. hyun had let him in, after all.
WE WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP KOEMI IN OUR THOUGHTS.
that line kept haunting him. he hadn’t left her side, he hadn’t stopped checking on her anytime he got. when they were together, he did everything he could to keep her comfortable. to keep her happy. she hadn’t once left his thoughts since he met her.
not even two days ago she was just in his arms. he had ignored her tears, ones he’d normally brush aside and kiss away. he tried to save her the headache of questioning her again and trust her... but did she trust him?
he started the article again.
if she did, he wouldn’t have found out how she was doing from an online source.
some woman in her late twenties typing away in a newsroom on the fourth floor of a building, earning her wages from daily clicks and scandalous titles. she found out before him, and she had never met koemi outside of a camera. she had never seen her off the screen.
taehyun wouldn’t have beat him here, hell, taehyun wouldn’t have found her like that.
he’d have an answer, he’d have a solution, no
it wouldn’t have happened.
fingers rushed to lock the screen once again, head shaking a mess of black strands out of his face. he had been staying here, a bag of necessities tucked and hidden away from view. he didn’t have to beg her father, the look in his eyes late night on the first day was enough.
hell, he wouldn’t have had to beg the man who pulled enough strings to allow the hospital to let him give medical assistance to his own daughter. if he could get in, so could aaron.
he had done his best to stay out of the way of the workers, slumbering silently in the bedside chair anywhere from 4-7 in the morning, awakening only to excuse himself while the workers ran their checkups, pacing the halls of the building, exhausting the elevators and over-exalting the views from the roof. when “visitor” hours recommenced, he’d slip back into the room, freshen up as quickly as he could, and return to her side.
the watercolor stains he received from daily trips to calm his head on the rooftop washed off quickly in the sink. the guilt of having not been there for her never did.
he couldn’t dare bring himself to be upset with her, if anything, especially after his discussion with taehyun, he questioned if he really did do this to her.
what he’d give for a smoke break, a real smoke break. junior had offered to take him out of the city for a couple of hours to get a session in, but he refused. he couldn’t leave her here, even if she’d be in the eventual company of matt, sachiko, taehyun, or whoever the fuck else, he needed the comfort of seeing her okay. the second she could tell him that, he’d be on his way. out of her way.
for now, he settled for something nearly as comforting. an impromptu canvas found itself in one of the gift shop’s mini journals. a faux leather back, easily snapped shut for his convenience. the black bound collection of cheap papers didn’t handle the texture of rich pigment and water well and warped to an odd and starchy finish once the brush strokes dried. immediately after the first day, he made sure someone delivered him his own journal tucked away in his work desk, one that could stand the challenge. by chance, the friend even put in enough thought to bring him a bag of overnight stay supplies and a real meal.
the warped dry leatherback laid facedown on his chest, while he slowly tapped a pen against his personal journal. flowers were the most therapeutic thing to draw, and he found himself making replicas of the bouquets delivered that stood on the stand near koemi’s bedside. the ambiance was beginning to irritate him, he almost wished his redhead counterpart were still on the other side of the room clicking away at the handheld toy for some variation in sound.
a sigh as he slumped back over in his chair, “ you know what’s funny? “
of course, there’s no response. that’s more than enough permission to continue, however.
“ just the other night, you told me to bring you some painkillers on my way to see you. “
the iv was his only sign that she could be listening. the continual and constant unchanging beat of the system egged him on.
“ so i guess in a way now that i think about it taehyun is right. i did do this to you. “
a rustle of the papers as he shifted himself away from her view, knowing that her eyes were still shut, regardless.
“ but i don’t blame you, koemi. mistakes happen, you’re human. i keep telling you, you don’t have to try and be perfect. people will understand if you ask for a break. if you don’t, things like this could happen. and, well, i guess it did happen... but, you’ve got to fall to learn how to walk. “ he snapped the journal shut, clapped together his other and set the two on the table. they had now become a makeshift pillow, and he doubled over and buried his face in it.
he mumbled, “ i mean... i told you more than that. that i’d do anything for you, you could tell me anything, i.... i’m trying not to be upset with myself, either, “ he rolled over to shift his view to her.
“ trying not to be a hypocrite. but i’m... upset. i don’t know who to be with, though. did you not tell me because i’m part of the problem? “
lashes fluttered shut over the boy’s stormy gray eyes, “ no, i’m not trying to stress you out. i’m just confused. is that a better way to put it? “
“ i’m just so confused, koemi. it’s been a fucking year, and i’ve tried to be the better man, so much has changed, i just thought i earned enough of your trust back for you to tell me that you couldn’t handle anymore. but i mean, why the hell would you fuck i just “ a sigh, a laugh, he forced his fingers through loose bangs, pushing them out of the way of his eyes, but kept the hand there to shield them.
“ i’m trying not to cuss so fucking much, too. “ silence.
the tick of the wall clock.
the beeping of the equipment.
“ if it’ll fix anything, i’ll be one less problem in your life. “
