not sure how many other people have this experience, but i personally find it very hard to call my "abuser," well. my "abuser." both because i get this sense that im not entitled to use that word but also because i feel like im needlessly villainizing an otherwise good person that loves me
my mother, despite everything, is the most important person in my life. i guess thats why everything hurt as much as it did. but i feel dirty even implying that she did anything wrong to me, even saying that i have this disorder makes me feel guilty, and frustrated with myself
because how dare i try to lump myself in with people that have real trauma? the worst shes ever done is just be mean to me, isnt that what all moms do? i really feel like a crybaby sometimes but i cant even allow myself to sit with my emotions because my feelings are so silly
