DIABOLIK LOVERS GRAND EDITION Gentei Tokuten Drama CD ”The Test Wars: Winter Break On the Line!”
Original title: 冬休みをかけたテスト戦争
Source: Diabolik Lovers GRAND EDITION Gentei Tokuten Drama CD
Audio: Here
Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke, Katsuyuki Konishi, Midorikawa Hikaru, Kaji Yuki, Hirakawa Daisuke, Takashi Kondou, Takahiro Sakurai, Kimura Ryouhei, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Kishio Daisuke
Translator’s note: This CD was honestly a little...disappointing? It felt like very little was accomplished in the end and none of the guys really got to shine. Even though it’s about the exams, we don’t get to see (or hear) any of them study at all. I guess it’s because they already did a CD very similar to this one, so I suppose they didn’t want to repeat that. I honestly would have much rather seen a CD about the Sakamaki & Mukami family going skiing together over the winter break. That could be a wild ride. :p
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Ayato: …Oi! Whatcha bein’ so restless for? God, I can’t believe you’re gettin’ all excited over Winter Break. How old are you, five?
Anyway, as my possession, you’re bein’ quite cheeky, thinkin’ ‘bout how you’ll spend the break and all. You just need to spend time with me, end of the story.
You ask him how he will spend his break.
Ayato: …Shut up, Chichinashi! That’s none of your business, is it? Why do I have to tell you? It’s already bad enough that I have to go to school period, so no way in hell I’m also adjustin’ to some stupid rules made up by a bunch of humans.
You ask if he would rather not have a winter break at all then.
Ayato: Haah…? I never said I don’t want a break, did I? Honestly, a break sounds great just ‘bout now. Studyin’ is just a big pain in the ass after all.
Reiji: Haah…I was wondering what the two of you could be talking about over here, but you’re already discussing your winter break plans?
Laito: I think you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself there, Ayato-kun.
Kanato: Agreed. Besides, she is mine, so I’d highly appreciate it if you would stop talking as if she belongs to you.
Ayato: Haah!? Who are you callin’ yours…!?
Laito: Nfu~ Kanato-kun’s casually trying to claim her, but Bitch-chan belongs to me, remember?
Subaru: Haah!? Cut the crap! I can’t believe you’re just lettin’ these guys say all of this stuff…Why don’t you talk back a lil’ too, huh!?
You frown.
Shuu: Pwaah…Nn…Shut up…You guys woke me up. You really are a nuisance.
Reiji: I believe you are the biggest nuisance of us all for sleeping in such a place. Although right now, I have to give Ayato a reality check first.
Ayato: Haah!? What do you mean, reality? Honestly, you always talk like you’re the shit.
Reiji: Good grief…Sorry to break it to you Ayato, but I am afraid you simply do not learn.
Ayato: …What’s your problem, you fuckin’ Four-Eyes!? Dare say that one more time!
Reiji: I do not mind repeating myself as many times as needed if that is what you wish.
Ayato: Che…!
Reiji: Since you appear to be completely ignorant of your current predicament, allow me to take this opportunity to make it clear to you. While you are free to get excited about the break, please do not forget that there will be exams right before.
*Poing*
Ayato: …!? E-Exams...you say!?
Laito: Aha! Geez, Ayato-kun! Seems like it completely slipped his mind!
Subaru: How do you even forget about that…? You’re a sophomore, aren’t you!?
Kanato: I’m sure he’s the type of guy who conveniently forgets everything he doesn’t want to remember.
Ayato: …Fuck off! Get off your high horse already! I only forgot ‘bout those stupid tests because I didn’t deem them worthy to remember!
Kanato: You plan to ignore Father’s orders? I doubt you will get away with that. …Aah, but, I suppose that could be interesting as well. Right, Teddy?
Ayato: N-No way! I never said, did I!?
Reiji: Ayato. Your homeroom teacher called me in to talk earlier. Your grades are far too terrible, if you keep this up, you will surely have to repeat the year.
Ayato: Repeat the year…!? Oi, are you bein’ serious!?
Reiji: Why would I lie about it? For one, you sleep through most of your classes. So how would you expect your grades to be stellar when you never study at home either?
Ayato: Keh…
Shuu: Tests are just a big pain in the ass. I honestly don’t understand the people who get all serious about them.
Reiji: Shuu. This warning applies to you as well. After all, who is the guy who already had to repeat his year once because he could not be bothered to do anything?
Shuu: Oh yeah, I guess that happened. Well, I definitely don’t want a repeat of the North Pole fiasco, so I actually anticipated and did the bare minimum this year.
Reiji: …
Laito: Reiji. Too much anger is not good for your health. Shuu has always been like this, so why get upset over it now?
Reiji: …Either way, to ensure that no other member of this family gets held back a year, I shall personally tutor you so Ayato, please bear that in mind.
Ayato: Haah…!?
Reiji: By the way, you do not have the right to refuse. If the results of your tests are not up to par, then you will devote your entire winter break to your studies.
Ayato: Reiji, you bastard…Don’t be decidin’ this for me! …Also Chichinashi, what’s up with that look? Don’t tell me you’re pityin’ me!?
Laito: Bitch-chan is so kind~ Those bad grades are something he brought upon himself, so no need to pay mind to it. More importantly…How would you like to spend our winter break? How about we both retreat to my room for some ‘naughty fun’...~?
Subaru: Don’t make me gag! I don’t see how anythin’ good could come from lettin’ you have her during the break.
Laito: Oh? Would you perhaps like to join in as well, Subaru-kun~? I don’t mind. I guess the three of us can all have a good time together then!
Subaru: Did you listen to one word of what I said!? Fuck…I never alluded to that, did I!? ーー O-Oi! Whatcha touchin’ her for!?
Laito: …Mm~ Bitch-chan’s hair smells so wonderful. This fair skin of yours as well…Even just looking at it makes me weak in the knees…I guess it’s because your blood is just so sweet and delicious?
Shuu: Oi, Laito. Can’t you shut up for even one second? It gets even worse when you’re around her so back off.
Laito: Eeh~? No way. If anything, I want to cuddle even closer to her. Nfu~ I wouldn’t mind having a little sip of her blood eiーー
Shuu pulls you away from Laito.
*Rustle*
Shuu: Enough with the bullshit. …And what is your deal, huh? At least fight back a little more. By reacting like that, you’re basically asking him to suck your blood.
Laito: Excuse me, Shuu? Could you not pull her away out of nowhere? She seems to be in pain.
Shuu: …It’s your fault for trying to suck her blood.
Laito: Eh? You’re putting the blame on me!? How cruel!
You frown.
Shuu: You always seem to be having such a good time when I suck your blood, so can’t you let this one slide?
Kanato: Please just let go of her hand already. It’s highly upsetting. …What is the problem with you guys? Are you trying to show off on purpose?
Shuu: Not really…That’s not my intention.
Kanato: Honestly…You’re not in the clear either. You always let everyone do with you as they please…Are you testing my patience, perhaps? While I do like submissive dolls, it isn’t exactly enjoyable to witness other men have their way with you right in front of my eyes. You don’t seem to realize that you belong to me. You are my plaything. Therefore, all you need to do is do as I please. If you fail to comprehend that…Perhaps I should just make it so you cannot move at all?
Subaru: …Ugh.
*THUD*
Subaru: Cut the crap! …Oi, you! Come here already!
Subaru pulls you his way.
*Rustle*
Kanato: …!? What do you think you’re doing, Subaru!?
You thank him.
Subaru: Ah? …No need to thank me. Honestly, these guys just keep on spoutin’ bullcrap…It pisses me off!
*THUD*
Reiji: Please leave it at that! We have gotten quite a bit off-topic…but the matter we need to discuss right now is Ayato’s grades problem.
Ayato: Who cares ‘bout that crap!?
Reiji: Stop being so stubborn, Ayato. If you fail these upcoming exams as well, you will no longer get any pocket money!
Ayato: …Hah!? Fuck that!
Laito: Ayato-kun, I think you might regret going against what Reiji says~ Or else it won’t just be during the winter break, but you might never get any money again.
Subaru: Heh! Serves you right!
Ayato: That’s fuckin’ dirty, Reiji!
Reiji: Call it whatever you please. Besides, as a noble Vampire, you should be ashamed of yourself for getting worse grades than mere humans!
Ayato: Fuck…Guess I have no other choice. Just this one time, ‘kay!? Still, you really think I’m gonna study all by myself? Chichinashi and all of these fuckers will suffer with me as well!
Subaru: Haah!? Why do we have to keep you company!?
Kanato: Exactly. You’re the one who’s at risk of having to repeat his year, correct? This doesn’t apply to us!
Shuu: I’m definitely not tagging along.
Laito: Hm~ Personally, I wouldn’t mind joining in if Bitch-chan is there as well~
Reiji: How ridiculous…Are you perhaps hoping that I will be more lenient with more people around? I believe it is time to you stop struggling in vain and just honestーー
Kou: M-neko-chan~!
Reiji: You guys…
Kou: Hey, hey! It’s almost winter break, right? The four of us are planning a ski trip so why don’t you join us?
Ayato: Aah!? Are you out of your fuckin’ mind!? She’ll be hangin’ with me during the break!
Kou: Eh!? You don’t have any time to play, do you? Don’t you have to study? I’m pretty sure that you’ll be stuck studying the whole break if you get bad grades on the upcoming exams so you won’t be able to hang out, will you?
Ayato: Kuh…
Reiji: Eavesdropping, I see. What a nice hobby you have there.
Laito: Hm~ The whole Mukami family is here, it seems.
Kou: Man, you really must have it rough having to keep up with the selfish whims of the Sakamaki family. …Hey, don’t you think so too, Subaru-kun?
Subaru: Shut up!! I mean, I’m part of that family too, aren’t I!? I bet you’re askin’ me on purpose!
Kou: Geez, how cold. If you keep on making that scary face, you won’t get any love from M-neko-chan~
Subaru: …!! You bastard…!!
Yuma: Oi, Sow. Yer grades aren’t half bad, are they? Then why don’t you join us before Ayato gets ya involved in his mess?
Azusa: Hey, Eve…Let’s hang out together…I’m sure skiing will be fun…Ah, but I guess it might not be with me around…Although in my case, I enjoy any time as long as we spend it together…
You assure Azusa that you enjoy his company too.
Azusa: Ah…I’m happy…You really are so kind…
Kanato: Kuh…Why are you guys here?
Azusa: Why…? We just so happened to pass by…That’s all…
Kanato: Please don’t tell such blatant lies! I bet you secretly followed us, didn’t you!? That’s so creepy, it’s making me gag!
Yuma: Oi…! Stop throwin’ a hissy fit over every fuckin’ lil’ thing!
Kanato: How about I sew that loud mouth of yours closed instead!?
Yuma: Aah!? The fuck did ya just say!? Ya wanna throw fists, mate!?
Ruki: Cut it out. What’s the point in lowering yourself to their level? There is no need for us to give those guys any attention, is there?
Ayato: Ahー God! Shut up already, all of you! We stay quiet for two seconds and you instantly assume you can just run your damn mouths! All I need to do is pass my exams, right!?
Ruki: I honestly cannot imagine that happening to the guy whose grades have been rock bottom the whole semester.
Ayato: Kuh…Oi, Ruki! Don’t think you’re the shit just ‘cause you’ve got good grades! I can pass those exams with ease as long as I put in just a little effort.
Kou: A little, you say? That’s an interesting claim, Ayato-kun. Ruki-kun is pretty smart, you see?
Ayato: Shut up! Keep that mouth of yours shut!
Ruki: Then, how about our families having a competition to see who can get the best average score? The winning family earns the right to keep her all to themselves over winter break.
Ayato: Heh, interesting. You’re on!
Subaru: Don’t be decidin’ that on your own! I’m not doin’ this shit!
Yuma: Hah! Is Mr. Hikikomori scared of losin’, huh?
Subaru: You bastard…Are you pickin’ a fight with me?
Azusa: …Can we win? …Right. We might be able to…if Eve cheers us on.
Kanato: Please do not voice your ridiculous fantasies out loud. It’s unsettling.
Shuu: I don’t want to deal with any trouble.
Laito: I like the idea of all of us fighting over Bitch-chan like that! It kind of sounds like the plot of some cheap romantic drama, it’s giving me the shivers!
Reiji: Good grief…Things have become quite bothersome because of you. However, we cannot back down now. Very well. We accept this challenge!
Ruki: It’s settled then. I hope you will not have any regrets, whatever the outcome may be.
*TIMESKIP*
*Thud*
Ayato: So this is where you’ve been Chichinashi! Don’t make me look for you!
Reiji: One would almost assume that you are avoiding us on purpose. Do you understand that you are not entitled to do so, I wonder?
You try to explain yourself.
Reiji: You do not wish to get in the way of our studies? How imprudent of you. Seeing as you are part of the reason why this challenge was set up in the first place, do you not believe it would only be logical to help us out? If you fail to realize your own position, then I believe I will have to make things extra painful for you today. Please brace yourself.
Laito: You heard him, Bitch-chan~ Reiji can be quite scary, can’t he? Personally, I would ensure that you experience the ultimate pleasure alongside the pain, so what do you think?
Reiji: There is nothing to think about. She does not have the right to choose after all. You will come to my room once we’ve returned home, do you understand?
Laito: Eeh~? Then once you’re done with her, can it be my turn next? I’ll show you a world・of・fun~
Subaru: God…I thought we were goin’ to study?
*Thud*
Kou: Ah! M-neko-chan, found you~! Come and study with us~
Ayato: Aah!? Chichinashi’s goin’ to help me with my studies! Fuck off!
Yuma: Haah!? I bet you’re the one who decided that on your own!
Ruki walks up to you.
Ruki: I doubt you have the time to look after other people right now, do you? You should worry about your own grades first. Come here. I’ll help you study.
Your eyes widen in surprise.
Ruki: Don’t look so dumbfounded. Are you really that surprised by my offer to help you out? While I hate unintelligent women, I believe you have potential.
Azusa: Lucky you…Ruki is a great tutor, you see…
Ruki: Come here already.
You join Ruki.
Ruki: Do you have any questions regarding the test material?
You point something out.
Ruki: I see. Well, you’re supposed to use this formula and…
Kou: Ah-aah~ Ruki-kun snatched her away. Look at how they’re basically huddled together. I want to cuddle up to her as well. I tried so hard to finish all of my work in time too, it’s no fair Ruki-kun gets to have all the fun…
Ruki: Kou. If you are going to talk badly about someone, at least lower your voice. How is she supposed to concentrate?
Kou: But I mean…When do we ever get the chance to study together like this~? So even if it’s only for a short period of time, I want to spend every second of it together. You feel the same way, don’t you?
Ruki: Come on. How long are you going to stay distracted? Stay focused. …Your cheeks are flushed. Your breathing is somewhat ragged as well. Heh. Seems like you’ve got some other things besides studying on your mind.
Kou: Heeh~? Are you perhaps hoping to get sandwiches in between Ruki-kun and I as we both suck your blood simultaneously~?
Ruki: It would be rather absurd if that were truly the case. While it still makes sense for us to crave your blood, for you to seek out our fangs as well…What a greedy Livestock you are.
Kou: Ahahaha~ For real! You actually have some nerve. If my fans find out about this, they might just kill you, you know~?
Yuma: Hey, how much longer? It’s our turn now, isn’t it? …Heave-hoh.
*Thud*
Kou: Ah…Hey! Yuma-kun! I can’t believe you lifted her up with the chair and all…You’re such a brute.
*Rustle*
Yuma: …There. Oi, help Azusa and I study as well. …Hah? What are you sayin’? Why bother askin’ Ruki for permission if you’re fine with it? Come on, teach us already.
You start explaining.
Yuma: …Oh. Hmー Hm. …Heh!? …You’re pretty good at this! I think ya could totally become a great teacher!
Azusa: But for now…She’s our own personal teacher…
Yuma: Heh. A private lesson with a female teacher, huh? Sounds pretty good.
Azusa: In that case…I’d love to learn more about you…instead of the subject matter…Although, I suppose that’d make you feel troubled, wouldn’t it? I’m sorry for saying something inappropriate…
Shuu: If you know that you’re being inappropriate, then you won’t complain if we take her back, correct? Let’s go.
*Rustle*
Shuu: Why are you so easily won over by others? The triplets are throwing a tantrum because you were taken away. If you want to pretend to be a teacher that badly, then go ahead and do so close to me.
Azusa: …They left.
Yuma: Che…That guy pisses me off with everythin’ he does!
*TIMESKIP*
Ayato: Ahー This shit makes zero sense! I find the motivation to keep goin’!
Reiji: I am teaching you in a way that even an idiot should be able to pass the exam. If you have a somewhat-functioning brain, at least try your best to remember this.
You return with Shuu.
Laito: …Ah, Bitch-chan~! We’ve been waiting for you! Those Mukami’s didn’t pick on you too much, did they?
Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! Teach me this part. Havin’ Reiji teach me is an absolute nightmare.
Kanato: Excuse me? She will obviously teach me first. We already know that you will fail the exam, Ayato, so it’d just be a wasted effort.
Laito: I’d love to have you thoroughly teach me as well~ …Okay, Bitch-chan?
Reiji: Good grief, you lot…You want her to teach you that badly? Right. I suppose if I teach her first, then it will naturally reach you guys as well.
Ayato: Ah? The fuck are you sayin’?
Reiji: This is in your best interest as well, so I will not take no as an answer. In that case, I am counting on your full cooperation.
Laito: Eeh~? We’re going to study?
Subaru: Haah…I’m headin’ home first.
Reiji: Hold up, Subaru. I shall not allow you to leave.
Reiji stops him.
Subaru: Oi, let go of me. Ayato’s the only problematic one here, right?
Reiji: Excuse me? This concerns our whole family. Even if it is just Ayato who fails the exam, all of you will have your monthly allowance cut.
Subaru: Aah!? Fuck off!
Kanato: Why do I have to face the consequences of Ayato being an absolute idiot!?
Shuu: Haah…Ridiculous.
*Rustle*
Shuu: …!
Subaru: Oi, Shuu! Don’t you dare try and sneak out by yourself!
Reiji: Well then, let us get started. If Ayato gets a failing score, then I shall give all of you a taste of Hell. So keep that in mind.
*Whip*
*TIMESKIP*
*Flip*
Ruki: The results are in but…
Reiji: As much as I hate to say this, it appears that our challenge has ended in a draw.
Ayato: Hehe! How’s that? Pretty amazing, huh? I skillfully dodged failin’ my exams!
Kanato: Oh please, don’t brag about that.
Laito: Oh well, all’s well that ends well, I suppose?
Azusa: Since we both got the same score…Does that mean Eve will have to hang out with us…as well as with the Sakamaki’s…?
Yuma: So we can’t have her all to ourselves durin’ winter break?
Subaru: Hah! Serves you right! Told you we wouldn’t let you fuckers have her!
Yuma: Shut up! Ya guys can’t keep her all to yerselves either!
Shuu: Oh well, I suppose we’ll have no other choice but to accept these results.
You suggest you all hang out together.
Shuu: …Hah?
Reiji: …All of us together, you say? You mean both of our families…?
Ayato: No fuckin’ way! I don’t want to spend time with them!
Subaru: Che…Ridiculous. I’m not gonna pretend to be pals with these bastards.
Kanato: It’s unpleasant but I suppose we have no other choice. Those who have a problem with it can simply spend the break by themselves.
Ayato & Subaru: Fuck off!
Subaru: Who says I have a problem with it!?
Ayato: I never said I’d spend the break alone, did I!?
Laito: You won’t gain anything from that kind of attitude. Just try and make the best of it~
Kou: Yeah, exactly~! Let’s all have a blast together! Right, M-neko-chan?
Azusa: Mmh…I’m also looking forward…to spending winter break together, Eve…Say, what should we do…aside from skiing?
Yuma: There’s still some time until the end-of-term ceremony, so we’ve got plenty of time to brainstorm.
Ruki: Right. Why don’t you come over to our place so we can set up a plan?
Kou: Nice idea, Ruki-kun!
Azusa: Well then, with that settled…Let’s not waste any more time. Eve…Let’s go.
Subaru: Hold up! Don’t be tryin’ to abuse the situation to take her away! Didn’t you agree to spending the break all together just earlier!?
Yuma: Hah! Says the guy who didn’t seem to like the sound of that at all!
Azusa: Mmh…Yuma’s right.
Subaru: Shut up!! Besides, why do you guys get to decide everythin’!?
Ruki: The more people, the more difficult it becomes to come to an agreement. Rest assured, once we’ve settled on a plan, we shall inform you guys as well. I cannot deny that the challenge ended in a draw after all. However, winter break has not yet started.
Kanato: Exactly. Do you really think that twisted logic of yours will fly?
Yuma: What do ya mean, twisted logic!? He’s makin’ perfect sense!
Azusa: Exactly…I don’t believe Ruki is wrong…
Kanato: Are you an idiot, Azusa!? I’m trying to say that I can’t give you guys permission to take her to your house.
Subaru: No way we can trust some kind of shady plan you fuckers came up with. …Come on, you too! You don’t need to feel obligated to go with those guys. For today, just come back home with us, ‘kay?
Ruki: Do not make a fuss simply because things have not gone your way. It is painful to watch.
Subaru: Kuh…Ruki…You bastard! Meet me outside so we can fight it out!
Ayato: Cut it out, you shitheads! It was always the plan for her to spend the winter break with me!
The Sakamaki’s and Mukami’s start arguing in the back.
Reiji: Well, I do find it frustrating that we were not able to put those Mukami’s in their place, I suppose I can hardly complain seeing as Ayato did manage to pass his exams. …That being said, I am already getting a headache just from knowing that I will be the one having to constantly stop them from arguing. Good grief…Haah…
ーー THE END ーー
