f/o that understands why you aren’t happy for your friends right now and doesn’t villainise you for it.
f/o that sees all the stress and the pressure and the anxiety you’re under, and also sees the way you’ve asked nicely for people to give you the space to feel that, and that they aren’t listening.
f/o who holds you as you sob and bawl because everyone’s got it so good but you’re so bogged down by your situation. who combs their hands through your hair when someone rubs in your face yet again their joy while you race to meet deadlines, to sort situations out, to feel okay again.
“Baby it’s okay, you can’t be happy for everyone all of the time. Not when you feel like this, and certainly not when you’ve asked people to wait”
they say as they bring you tea as you work and rub your shoulders, and help you through your challenges.
f/o that turns your phone off when someone yet again violates your boundary and rants with you about such.
f/o who is okay with you not being 110% positive all of the time. they know you need a break from celebrating everyone’s joy for just one moment while you get through this.
{ on a real, im really on a crunch to finish my thesis and submit my degree and people are TESTING ME this week with their joyous and whimsy nature despite me asking people to just give me a bit of space while i finish my degree. let me have 2 weeks of being a mardarse and then I’ll be happy for you…}