accountability: day 32
Video 1 (which I got ~20 minutes through): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TB2ISQZ5Mb0
Video 2: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VpW33Celubg
Ugh, hard, sad yoga day. I got twenty minutes through Day 2 and had to stop. I was feeling really good and proud of myself then she sent it back to downward dog yet again, and moved into three-legged dog and warrior poses, and I was like, how is this possible? So after like four minutes in child's pose I checked the video time and saw there was still over ten minutes left. I felt like Indiana Jones when the temple started to collapse. Well. Indiana Jones had an adrenaline response and saved the day. So. I felt like myself in a collapsing temple.
Maybe the first two videos really are among the harder ones? Maybe I haven't gotten stronger? Maybe I should have taken a restorative day before restarting the series? I don't know. I just felt really overwhelmed and sad.
I stopped the video and did a short restorative one I've done before, just breathing and self-massage and tried to get out of my bad headspace. It helped a little.
Probably I just need to not think about yoga again today because I know my hopes and self-analysis are hurting me. I'm going to shower and go buy wrapping paper. Capitalist meditation.
Tomorrow will be better. I know I am stronger than I was a month ago. When I went to massage my shoulders, they felt so firm. That's new and good. And I stayed connected to my breath the whole time on the mat. I definitely wasn't doing that last time, and it was a good change. Breath is life. Ask a golem.