You've never bought condoms before.
Zayne usually always had some on him, the perks of working in a hospital with an endless supply of free condoms. But you figured the responsible girlfriend thing to do was to keep a box at your place, just in case. But maybe you hadn't thought that plan out entirely.
You almost feel a sense of kinship with men who've been sent to buy menstrual products, staring at an aisle of items you really don't know much about. So, you call the person you always call when you have a question.
"Hello?" Zayne's voice comes through after the first ring, because of course.
"What size is your dick?" You ask, thankful there's no one around to hear you.
"I'm sorry?" He sounds incredulous, though you know he heard you.
"Well, when you're hard. For the condoms. I'm kind of flying blind here. There's not exactly a size chart on these things." You inspect the back of a box just to be certain before putting it back. Cherry flavoured? Yuck.
"Oh. Well you'll have to grab a large. But it's not entirely necessary, I can pick up more at the hospital."
"If Yvonne sees you grabbing anymore condoms, she's gonna think we're sex addicts or something" It takes a minutes for the words to process, as you're busy scanning the boxes, trying to avoid things like "ribbed" and "glow in the dark."
"Wait...you're a large?" You hear him scoff almost incredulously.
"I'll try not to be offended by your surprise." He says, his tone flat as you laugh.
"Well, I'm just saying. Lucky me huh?" He sighs loudly, and you're sure he's pinching the bridge of his nose. Finally, you find a pack that looks good enough.
"Okay, these look good enough! Hopefully they fit you. If not, we'll probably have to do it raw." You say, relishing the choked noise you hear from the other side of the phone.
"You know what, I believe I'm mistaken. Get the small size."