Deadpool Presents: Once upon a Zeitgeist Ch 2
Warnings: Deadpool’s trashy mouth, Zeitgeist's trashy mouth. a dash of fluff, violence (although I’m not sure I describe a violent situation very well. It was violent as I thought of the scene} immaturity, jealousy. a dash of fluff, innuendo, flashback story within the story. This is also my first attempt at some comedy.
ch 1 Ch 3 Ch 4
Deadpool said, “Once upon a time your Daddy loved to eat donuts.”
Axel Jr, said, “What kind of donuts.”
Deadpool said, “All kinds of donuts, chocolate, vanilla...”
Peter says, “strawberry with icing and sprinkles?”
Deadpool says, “He told me he loved to lick that pink strawberry donut icing the most from your Mom’s donut.”
Peter says, “Mom Always shares her donut.”
Deadpool says, “Yes, yes Peter she does. But before your Dad met your Mom, he was sad. All that unexpected acid puking made it really hard to eat donuts.”
He puts noise cancelling headphone on the kids and hands them Deadpool action figures. As soon as he turns to address the reader, they those the action figures and grab their favorite Wolverine ones.
To the reader Deadpool says, “By eating donuts, I completely mean he likes to eat pussy for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between. But when he deformed a girl by puking acid on her while fucking around on the beach, he tried to swear off women completely and even men, well for like a full fucking day. And you want to bang this guy? Are you sure? I mean I’d bang you good and hard in all the positions you want and not throw up acid on you. But if you have such a fucked up fantasy about this Bill Skarsgard fucker that you would attempt to fuck any of his characters even if he left you disfigures, soulless or whatever the fuck that Clown would do to you, who am I to judge your fetishes.”
When he turns back to the kids, they hide their wolverine action figures under the covers and smile. They have their Daddy’s smiles which is very innocent yet mischievous. He takes the noise canceling headphones off them.
Peter says, “Axel throws up acid on my dinner, so I don’t get nothing sometimes. Mom just thinks I ate it quick.”
Laughing Axel Jr. says, “I can keep you from eating all day if I wanted. Glad the table absorbs acid.”
Deadpool says, “No more interruptions. I have an audience to entertain.”
They roll their eyes.
Deadpool says, “Do you want to hear this story about your Daddy or not?”
They both say, “Yes, Uncle Deadpool.”
Deadpool says, “Your Daddy and Mom met while fighting Anarchist who is normally a great guy. He sweats acid and enjoyed stealing the media attention away from your Daddy, but over all a stand-up hero until he had a little bity lapse in judgement deciding most people don’t deserve to live.”
Deadpool says to you, “Go on and read the more adult flashback next while I tell the kiddos something their Mom won’t kill me over. Go on, the story will circle back to me when needed. I don’t need to always hold your hand through this. Keep reading. I know my long winded beautiful rants can be stupid, but the crappy writer actually did some fucking research for this shit and you got through the first chapter so at this point you might as well read how this flashback shit turns out. Go…”
Zeigeist gets a call he will be paid thirty-three million dollars and the media will be watching the whole event if he takes out Anarchist who has already left a blood bath of acid-soaked people in his wake at the local gym. There was always a rivalry between the two men since Zeitgeist thought Anarchist stole the limelight from him and took more credit for a grand acid related mutation being able to just sweat it out instead of the gross vomiting Zeitgeist did. So, Zeitgeist swerves through traffic on his black Harley Street 500 towards the gym. He gets there spinning his bike to a screeching halt just as Anarchist is coming out dripping Acid.
Zeitgeist steps up to the scene. “Stop, this fucked up behavior you Motherfucking Anarchist!”
Laughing Anarchist said, “Why, are you jealous?”
Zeitgeist said, “Why the fuck would I ever be jealous of you, you limp dick. I can get all the pussy I want. Shit the only thing I have to do is put this thing over my mouth and the bitches are all over this cock.”
He looks over to the crowd of mostly females forming to watch the chaos with his hands on his hips, pelvis out giving everyone a sexy smirk. Two women, faint. The rest, gasp. One can be heard saying, “Oh fuck I’m pregnant.”
Anarchist says, “Those fangirls just want to be in your, I mean my limelight.”
They start running towards each other. Anarchist working up a lot of sweat destroying the sidewalk in his path. Zeitgeist pulls up everything in his stomach to disintegrate his foe. Just as Zeitgeist lets loose a huge amount of projectile acid a woman comes between him and Anarchist. His acid covers her back as she gets a power dampening collar on Anarchist. She turns to Zeitgeist with a wink and a smile before hauling the criminal over to the near by police car.
His eyes wide with surprise, “Fuck me.”
She hears him as she is walking away. “That could be arranged Axel.”
He runs over to catch up with her before she gets into her red Ferrari 458 Italia. She is a foot shorter than him, so it really takes him no time to catch up. Axel notices how her skintight white leather bodysuit fits all her curves as if it was a second skin. The heart shaped front shows off her good-sized breasts. They aren’t huge but he would say a good handful for him which he thinks to himself as he tries to figure out something less juvenile to say.
He leans against her car. “Hey, how are you? Are you alright? I mean, how did the acid not fry the skin off your back side?”
She gets in her car. “I’m receptacle, but you can call me Julie. Follow me if you want to know more.”
She pulls out. Axel books it to his motorcycle ignoring all the reporters that want to know what just happened, and who that woman is and where she came from. He wants to know who she is and where she came from to, so he rides off to keep up with her recklessly fast driving.
