embracing messy + broken
I am a messy, broken person. I feel this pull to be perfect, to act perfect, to have my life all in order or at least appear to be in order. It is a cycle I want to stop. Life is not perfect. Humans are not perfect. I know this but yet I am still so hard on myself when I fail. I also instinctively hide those faults and shortcomings, not just from people but also from God. I'm talking about the "big-awful-horrible" mistakes I sometimes feel I can never be forgiven for all the way to the "little-bitty" ones.
Part of being in relationship with Christ is continually going to him with the good and the bad. Surrendering your heart and letting him change you. Being honest about your shortcomings and failings. I think of any relationship: you have to get to know each other, spend time together, and communicate with each other to build a deep relationship. In a close relationship, you talk about the highs in life and also share the deep lows. Obviously being in relationship with God is different from the relationship between human beings but approaching my relationship with God in a similar way (getting to know who God is and listening to what God has to say) has helped me in growing closer to God.
When we act like we have it all together and like our lives are perfect, we take the glory away from God. We are in constant need of our Savior. I want to share my shortcomings and be thankful to God that he meets me where I am. God's grace sustains me, not my own strength.
“...in order to keep me from being conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
I am striving to be a Christian who embraces the messy and broken parts of myself—with God and with people. I don't want to act like I am perfect because I am not and I never will be. And in my imperfection, I want to praise the power of God's mercy, unconditional love, and faithfulness on the most broken people—because I am one of them.
