things that cannot save you

a catalog of your doom

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

YOUR STYLISH OVERSIZED FLOTATION TROUSERS CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

FULL AND COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THE CIRCUMCISION CLAMP CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

DISCO ROOSTER CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

YOUR INNOVATIVE DEPLOYMENT OF VEGETABLE MATTER FOR THE HOLIDAYS CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

YOUR EPIC, LASER-RESISTANT CLUB GEAR CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

"DISCO WASHING" YOUR CULTIST ROBE CANNOT SAVE YOU

it's not even a thing really

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

REACHING THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN FINALLY TAKE STOCK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S COME BEFORE AND REALIZE THAT YOU'VE TRULY REACHED IT, YOU'RE NOT AFTER SOME LOFTY PEAK OF AMBITION OR MATERIALISM, BUT RATHER YOU'VE ACHIEVED THE OVERDUE REALIZATION THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY AT PEACE WITH YOUR PAST AND YOUR PRESENT, CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

TIMELY DEPLOYMENT OF THE STYLISH DISCO COMBINATION HAIR DRYER & MIND CONTROL RAY DEFLECTOR HELMET CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

THE MAJESTIC GLORY OF THE DISCO LAWN CHAIR CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

HAVING ENOUGH MEAT FOR THE LONG WEEKEND CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

" TWINKLE " CANNOT SAVE YOU

[thingsthatcannotsaveyou]

REAL TIME INTEL FROM THE GAY SEX COMMAND CENTER CANNOT SAVE YOU