THINKING OF YOU
jack abbot x ex!situationship!fem!reader after things fall out between you and jack, you do your best to stay away from him when you can. but that doesn't mean that you don't wish that things were different, and it certainly doesn't mean that jack enjoys seeing nurse mateo diaz flirt with you.
tags: angsty and yearning, comedic moments, allusions to smut, implied age gap but not defined, mateo aka utah, besties trinity and dennis and javadi, devil's advocate robby, jack abbot / shawn hatosy is so sexy i just can't help it
you and jack were...something. something that was good. something more real than either of you were ready to admit. you could lie and say that the first time was an accident, that it was just the alcohol that made him choose to walk you home, that it was the only reason you chose to invite him in for a drink. but you also both knew that you both had sobered up by the time he ended up in your bed. the absence of a hangover the next morning was proof enough for him, but he also couldn’t be happier that it wasn’t just a dream to find you in the kitchen cooking in just his shirt.
maybe if it was just that one time, the both of you wouldn’t be where you are now. but it wasn’t just that one time. what was meant to be a casual, convenient, fun way to blow off steam turned into spending the night more often than not. it was “five more minutes” in bed together, kissing in the car before walking in separately into work, and wordless coffee drop offs when charting.
jack couldn’t get you out of his head. he found himself seeking you out more than he knew he should, but he wanted to. he wanted to be the one you went to after a good shift or a bad one. he wanted to keep making you laugh. he liked buying you things and taking care of you. he just wanted you. that's how he knew he was getting in too deep, but he was your superior, your boss, technically speaking, and the lines were becoming blurry. he wasn’t ready, or at least he thought he wasn’t. so he started to pull away. he put boundaries up.
you didn’t put up a fight, you even beat him to the punch by ending it before he could under the guise of “keeping things professional”. you switched to day shift when you could, but that wasn’t working out too well for you. he didn’t want to lose you, but it seemed like it was going to happen anyway so at that time he didn’t protest.
you couldn’t avoid him altogether, after all he was still your boss and you had a lot to lose career wise if you messed up, but boy if you didn’t try. it didn’t work too well for you when an attending was needed though.
“i need an attending for my case in trauma 2, are you free?” you waltz up to the charting station, internally hoping that robby could help you out.
“i’m a little tied up right now, but looks like Abbot is about to be free?” he answers, giving you a knowing look.
“robby.” you respond back flatly, trying to control your face and voice from breaking out into protest. trinity, who’s watching from the other side of the station, laughs and you raise your hand to hit her but she backs away.
“you need an attending, he’s an attending, is he not?” robby doesn’t back down, instead he crosses his arms across his chest momentarily to stand his ground. “can’t avoid him all the time, doctor.” he says with a slightly lowered, but stern, voice to you before getting up and diverting his attention to other matters.
before you can protest again, jack walks over.
"someone need an attending?" he asks, his eyes floating from robby to land on you. his gaze doesn't waver and it's soft and warm, it always is, and you hate it.
"i do, but it can wait, if you're busy?" you sigh, but you can't take your eyes off of him either.
"always got time for you." he smiles all smug, and you hate that too.
you open the chart for your patient, angling it towards him. he leans into your space anyway, a hand on your lower back that is just barely there, as an acknowledgment that he's listening. but he's actually flirting when you're trying to be professional. you don't know if you want to kiss him or yell at him.
"if the cut is a deep as you say, flush it out then put a few dissolvable stitches underneath and then some lighter stitches on top to minimize scarring. i'll check on it after you're done to sign off." jack advises you. he got a quick look at the patient when they came in, and he trusts your skills.
"got it. thank you, dr.abbot." you emphasize "doctor" as to make a point that this is supposed to be professional. the hand that was on your lower back now moves to squeeze your shoulder as he crosses to the other side of the ER.
jack still wants you. he just hasn't gotten over his pride yet to do anything about it except flirt with you. you won't be the one to force him.
you temporarily shove your face into your arms as you lean against the nurses station.
"so...are you guys like back together or..." trinity speaks up again and you manage to actually hit her this time. "hey! this is workplace violence!"
"we would have to had been something to be anything now. which we are not. he is an attending, that is all." you hiss, but there is no denying that the atmosphere is charged even if with jack out of your current line of sight.
"i would normally insert myself here and tell you how wrong you are, but thought you'd like to know who's coming." princess interupts, gently directing your attention to mateo, who is walking towards you with a smile and an extra coffee in hand.
you glare at trinity and princess, signaling to them to zip it as you change your expression to greet him.
"nurse diaz, you're early for your night shift." you joke lightly, smiling as he approaches.
"i thought i'd take my chances to see my favorite day shift doctor." he teases, handing you a coffee. you take it, ignoring the purposeful brush of hands from him.
"you didn't have to bring this for me, again, you know."
"i know, but i am the one who switched to a night shift today which messed up our plans. it's the least i can do for missing out on taking you out." mateo points out, and it's hard to deflect his teasing.
"i already told you that it's no big deal. we'll reschedule, right?" you offer, trying not to grimace as the words leave your mouth.
" 'course. as if i'd miss the chance to see you outside this ER." he smiles, leaning into your space a bit and shoving your arm playfully. it does get a laugh out of you though.
mateo is sweet. when you're on the same shift, if trinity is taking longer than usual or whitaker is planning to go to the farm and you don't feel like waiting for them, mateo brings you home. or he comes over for dinner. sometimes joining you, trinity, and whitaker for it. sometimes just you and him.
you guess you could say you're seeing each other? it's only been a few outside of work hangouts, or dates, that have occured in the last couple weeks since whatever it is with you and jack came to an end. it's unlabeled and you're trying to keep it that way for as long as you can. you don't sleep at mateo's, but once or twice you guys have fallen asleep watching a movie in the living room at your place. he's kissed you, polite and soft, on your doorstep once or twice. you decided to ignore that you felt nothing after.
he's uncomplicated. he's close in age. he's going at this pace because you set it. you should like him. you should. but do you?
"just don't let these patients get to you. they're fiesty today. something about the holiday brings out the worst in people" you brush him off, again, but not without a convincing smile.
from across the ED, just out of your sight, jack watches the whole interaction. he watches the passing of coffee, the way nurse diaz makes you laugh and you nervously brush your hair behind your ear. it creates this uncomfortable tightness in his chest. for weeks, he has convinced himself that he was doing the right thing by stepping back, even if every part of him was screaming to pull you close instead of push you away. he has no right to feel any type of way about you seemingly moving on. but he does, and he's feeling his regrets extra hard right now.
"dr.abbot you're bending that ng-tube." robby says from behind him. jack snaps out of whatever daze he was in and relaxes his grip on the tube. "you were glaring by the way."
"i don't know what you're talking about." jack scoffs, returning to what he was doing while still sneaking glances at you.
"fine. it's none of my business. but for what it's worth i don't think they're serious. " robby slides that last part in there casually, and jack perks up.
"you keeping up with hospital gossip now?" he teases before glancing back at you and back to robby "what have you heard?"
"you're in deep, brother." robby laughs shaking his head. "according to santos, he's been over at their place a few times. but santos says that your girl isn’t wanting more from whatever it is between them and it’s more friendly than anything."
jack mulls that over for a bit as he watches mateo leave to go on rounds. he thinks that he could possibly take his chance to go talk to you.
robby places a hand on jack's shoulder, looking over at you as well. "normally i wouldn't be in favor of a workplace romance between two of my doctors, but i can see how much you care about her. and i do think you were out of your mind to let her go, but if there's any chance you can get your head out of your ass and get her back then i think you need to.”
robby leaves jack alone, hoping that he’s gotten through to him.
jack positions himself slightly closer to your side of the ED, still out of your view but now in earshot of the conversation you’re now having with whitaker, santos, and javadi.
“how long are we gonna pretend that he doesn’t like you?” whitaker says helping you scan charts since the electronic system is now up and working.
“until she admits that she doesn’t like him, huckleberry.” santos puts bluntly as she starts shredding.
“he’s really nice!”
“but he’s not you know who.” javadi says softly, lightly resting her head on your shoulder as she comes up next to you, earning a sigh from you.
“you know who, doesn’t want me. am i supposed to wait around until they do? after all, i was probably the one who thought it was more than what it was.”
upon hearing this part, jack has to hold himself back. you think he doesn’t want you? you thought you were the only one that wanted more, or felt like it was more?
“if he doesn’t want you then why does he still flirt with you? why does he always linger? maybe cuz he’s old he doesn’t know how to handle you cuz you’re young and hot.” santos adds once again. he pretends not be offended at the use of “old” but everything else she’s said is true. he does want you. more than he can explain.
“i don’t know guys. i’m not saying i need some grand gesture, but it’s gonna have to be more than lingering and flirting from you know who for me to believe that it would go anywhere beyond what it was. even if i want that.” you explain finishing up your shredding before getting up to check on a patient.
jack watches you go, but as he does javadi and santos notice him. he makes a particular kind of eye contact with them that says something like if you don’t do something then you’re gonna miss your chance.
so he waits. waits until there's no disasters coming in and you're not tied up with a patient, and he comes to you.
"hey, i heard there's a trauma coming in, can you come out to the ambulance bay with me?" he asks you. no flirtation in his voice, no hand touching you. you narrow your eyes at him, not quite believing that there's a trauma coming in. you look to your fellow doctors watching, and they shrug, so against your better judgement you follow him.
you know right away there is no trauma incoming when you get outside. but you don't leave immediately either because this is the only true time you've been alone with him in some weeks.
"well, dr.abbot, now that i can see there's no trauma coming, what is it that you really brought me out here for?" you cross your arms over your chest in an effort to protect yourself from the emotions you're feeling. it certainly doesn't help that the way he towers over you and looks at you still has your heart beating faster than normal.
"i just need five minutes for you to hear me out." jack starts, and maybe if you were more mad you'd shut him down, but you don't and you listen.
"for weeks, i have been trying to convince myself it was for the best that we didn't continue what we were. and i know that you're probably thinking that's bullshit, it's just that i'm finally realizing that it is bullshit. it is bullshit because i can't stop thinking about you. i haven't stopped thinking about you from the minute i found you in the kitchen that first morning after. " he's sincere, and the thought of that night and the morning after, every night and morning shared, brings heat to your cheeks. he takes that as a good sign so he continues.
"it was never just casual for me. i wanted more. i still do. i wish i never gave you up in the first place because maybe we'd actually be together by now. i didn't think i was ready, and that's not an excuse, but it is the truth. and i'm sorry that i didn't say that before. i also might be jealous of a certain nurse i've happened to hear that you're seeing...as embarrassing as that is to admit too. "
you laugh a bit as he scratches the back of his neck.
"you, jealous, of mateo?"
"maybe. yeah. it's embarrassing, but it just may have been the last thing to push me to get my head out of my ass and tell you that i miss you. "
"oh." you aren't quite sure what to say to that last part. it's nice to hear, it's what you've been wanting to hear. but taking it in right now is a bit unexpected.
"if you have a good thing going with him, i'm not going to get in your way. i just wanted you to know how i really feel, and on the off chance you still want to be with me, i'll hang around a bit longer after the shift ends and we can figure that out."
"i'll think about it." and you mean that. it's just a lot.
"good. that's good. i'll be here." he turns his head to look at you and he musters up a smile. you smile too but only before returning to check on some remaining patients.
upon your return, you try to get through the rest of the shift without thinking too hard. you find yourself comparing jack and mateo, but truthfully you and your close friends know that your heart isn't in it with mateo anyway. you don't need them to tell you that, but the pitiful look whitaker gives you when you walk back in is enough for you.
before the end of your shift, you tell mateo you think it'd be better if you guys remain friends. he understands, because of course he does, and he promises to not make it weird. you feel relief almost instantly, which leaves just one thing.
you grab your stuff and head back outside. not to your surprise at all, jack is leaning up against his truck waiting for you. he tries not to smile but can't help it the closer you get.
"offer still good?" you say to jack as you approach, a smile creeping up on your face too.
"if it means i get to keep you." he jokes, pushing up off the truck and meeting you half the distance.
"i think we could come to an agreement." you grin now and you don't stop yourself from letting your arms wrap over his shoulders and around his neck.
"i think so too." jack smirks, his bag hands pulling you in by your waist before kissing you. you don’t have any complaints.
maybe for once both of you will stay.
⭑.ᐟ
a/n: yoooooo idk what happened here or if it makes any sense but yet another fic i made cuz i was listening to a song...plz lmk your thoughts! i love jack abbot heheh <3
tags: @dumbbandpoetic @pittsick @gibsongirrl @voidsuites @inbred-eater @222col @soaraes