#zoobot

[jerrynaga]

Yesterday's game felt like a dream #wetooktheW #ohhhandthelakerswontoo #lakernation #zoobot #surpriselakergame s/o to @hai_hidao for the #seniorcitizendiscount (at Staples Center)

[spohkh]

beardies crawling around on ground they get no traction on is the cutest thing ever

[spohkh]

mary poe is now under my bed headbutting the vent 

literally what scientist crafted this tortoise 

[spohkh]

oh my fuck mary poe is running around my room like a complete maniac and then she FARTS AND POOPS ON THE CARPET

TWICE

WHILE STILL IN MOTION

I AM SO MAD WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TORTOISE DOES THAT

[spohkh]

hell. yes.

BUT I AM NOTHING IF NOT PERSISTENT WITH MY GENTLE LOVIN so i kept at it u know

and so then jn im like hangin out w/ him (and mary poe, who is also awake bc she was hungry) before i leave them for the night and im pettin him on the head and he's totally chill and even closes one of his eyes and then i kind of pet him on his like... sideburns? and he closes BOTH his eyes and its SO CUTE 

and then i like withdraw to leave him be for a while as i check out wtf mary poe is up to which i will describe in a sec

anyway so reggie was over by his foodbowl and he's just kinda like watchin me with his eye of sauron glare (srsly his eyes are fuckin awesome ill take pix l8r) and then he kinda moves closer to the cage doors (which are open)

and im like whats up lil fella

and hes just starin at me

so i kind of tap the edge of the cage like, you wanna come up here or s/t?

and hes just watchin

so im like

...

..../reaches in to cage

and his eyes close before i even TOUCH HIM????? and then it was just like 5 straight minutes of petting and hes like about to fall asLEEP and UGH!!!!

so im like ok experiment time and withdraw again and after awhile he opens his eyes and looks at me like bro

bro

BRO

and so i go back in there and !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

LIKE I HATE THIS BC SUPPOSEDLY REPTILES CANT GET ATTACHED TO SPECIFIC PEOPLE LIKE MAMMALS AND BIRDS CAN BUT I AM REALLY FEELIN MIGHTY SPECIAL RN LIKE DEAR SWEET REGINALD HAS CHOSEN ME AND IS BESTOWING ME THE HONOR OF LULLIN HIM TO SLEEP WITH HEADPETS 

L I Z A R D S OMG

but wait it gets BETTER

so tortoises have these like weird funky beaks that are attached to their faces that i never really noticed until it was pointed out that mary poe doesnt have one? which is pretty sad. she has like, remnants of one of the sides of her face? like, as if it was broken off or something, which is an absolutely horrible thought and would explain why she's gone tortoise!grimdark bc really that shit's got to fuck ya up.

anyway so she's like strugglin to break off her lettuce into chewable bites and is like dropping it in the dirt and cant pick it back up and im like maaaaaan

lemme help a sister out

so i reach into the tank like SO SLOW bc if you go too fast she HISSES and then withdraws into her shell and then takes like 500 years to come back out, and i didnt wanna totally interrupt her eatin marathon or nothin

so i get some lettuce and i hold it for her and shes like

??????????????????/

for like a solid minute 

before shes like w/e and grabs it

yeeeee

and i do that a couple more times for her yknow just being a good fucking samaritan  (all the while having my epic with reggie playing out on the side)

and then after i close reggie's cage im like

what....

the fuck....

IF.............

and i reach in reeeeal slow

and im like

mary

fuckin

POE

and shes just lookin up at me

and i just

PET HER

ON THE HEAD

OH

HELL

YEAH

I DID IT

I PET A FUCKING TORTOISE

THAT'S LIKE

BOSS BATTLE SHIT

BC THEY RETRACT FROM EVERYTHING

HER HEAD IS THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING INDEX FINGERTIP 

OH MY GOD

FUCKIN

I AM 

THE GODDAMN

BEAST MASTER

SHIT

OMG IM SO HAPPY

T O R T O I S E S

R E P T I L E S

A N I M A L S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[spohkh]

and i look in reggie's cage and he's like passed out with one foot in his food bowl and it doesnt look like he's breathing and im like REGGIE? REGGIE???? REGINOLD WAKE UP HAHAHA PLAYTIME IS OVER

FUCK

so i open his cage to like poke him but then again dont want to in case he's rly just sleeping and then he'll flip out and get mad bc that's what Duckie did when i accidentally woke up. but then isolde is like JUST DO IT HE CAN ALWYS GO BACK TO SLEEP

so i poke him on the tail and am like reggiiieee

no movement

ogfmgldagjk;la

REGGIE WAKE UP

IM LIKE FLOPPING HIS TAIL AROUND NOW

REGGIE!!!

LIL GUY

IM PICKING HIM UP OUT OF THE CAGE AN HOLDING HIM TO MY CHEST

REGGIE COME ON WAKE UP ARE YOU OKAY

WAKE UP

REGGIE!!!

oh my GODD

he slowly opens his eyes and is like

huh

....................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

he is just in another fucking world when he sleeps i guess holy SHIT

completely different from Duckie when woken up. my god

fuckin heart attack central

[spohkh]

#zoobot

[spohkh]

#zoobot