#~matt

[tshsystem]

our headspace is slowly becoming more and more detailed and it’s really nice

[tshsystem]

i’m so fucking lucky that i have my sys mates in my life holy shit i don’t know what i’d do without them

[tshsystem]

ok talked to one of my therapists abt this

i’m still anxious but she was rly nice and didn’t judge me so i think i can talk to my other therapist too. maybe my psychiatrist eventually? and i’m getting a psych evaluation soon enough so i’ll talk to the people there too maybe

[tshsystem]

oh man i can’t stop talking oh shit o fuck

aiwhwkwhWKWJWKJ anywayyyyys

i’m rly happy that we’ve got a co-host in our system cuz uhh idk if i’d be able to do this shit without lu. i was sorta spiraling badly before he split offa me mental health-wise soooooooooooo yeah! i still struggle but that’s the beauty of havin a host ~ coworker~ in our system. when i’m unable to do something, he can usually step in. when he’s unable to do something, i can usually step in. and if neither of us can do something, law steps in which is why our lil triad of a subsystem is great but i digress

[tshsystem]

ahahwhwhjee funny (not so funny??) story: i used to think i was a l//uffy kinnie

in reality lu and i are just. the hosts of our system— he’s the co-host, i’m the primary. so, we work together closely when it comes to functioning and getting through the day !!

basically i thought i was having frequent, intense kinshifts— if u don’t know what those are, god i wish that was me— but in reality he’s just co-conscious with me a lot (like, a lot a lot). so we sorta just got mixed up with each other often?? even now we kinda get a bit blurry a lot and struggle to tell who’s fronting so yea

he has really convincing and intense pseudo-memories too and i have access to them somehow, so that shit threw us off HARDCORE. it caused Many identity crises for us both and i kinda. ignored the possibility of him being a fictive. which wasn’t healthy for either of us. it seems like he didn’t wanna acknowledge it at first either but i can’t speak for him tbh

but anyways now we’re mutually available of the reality of our situation which is sooooo much better for us. idk if it’s normal for system mates to b super close, but, we’ve got like a brotherly/close friend bond and it’s great!!!! and we can laugh about all of this too which is good. there’s some aspects of it that still have us shaken up which is unsurprising lbr but yeAH that aside we’re p much just vibing man

[tshsystem]

lu’s sexuality being so drastically different from mine throws us both off when we’re co-conscious like ... oogh it was especially tough before we realized that we were influencing each other

[tshsystem]

i might have to make a sideblog like law oopsie,