so anyway fuck comptop forever & if you have a transfem partner who's playing that conventionally masculine type of role in yr relationship you gotta make sure she like actually wants that. and even if she says she does, maybe sprinkle some treating her like a sweet little flower in there cuz maybe she's never experienced it & she'll like it more than she thinks. the alternative is always that some suave tgirl polycule whisks her away into the heavens and treats her better than u anyway
I've made several posts talking about this but I feel like my work is never done because I've been in the type of relationship I'm warning about here and throughout that relationship I read lots of helpful things about transmisogyny, but it took me a long time to seriously apply them to my relationship. when you're in it, it's easier to try to find evidence that you're happy with the way things are. comptop doesn't just occur the first time you negotiate the boundaries of your sexuality with a partner, it can also occur every time there is no negotiation, it can occur in the way that things stay the same and go unquestioned. the breakdowns and neuroses that only show up when you try to advocate for yourself mean something. push back! even if you like to top, see what happens if you don't. for years i didn't really know i wanted to bottom, i just knew i felt alienated from the sex that i was having. never stop trying new things or experimenting with what you like--as a transfem, no one is going to do that for you by default.
i was just talking about this a little with my girlfriends & i think something worth adding to this is the way that trans women's sexual trauma is downplayed or devalued compared to cafab ppl--even by trans women themselves. like the whole reason i wasn't able to push back sooner was that i saw my partner's sexual preferences as the result of legitimate causes but couldn't see my own that way.
