Stumbling Drunk in Wisconsin @taketheunder - Tumblr Blog

People: "You never know, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow." Me: "Where's this bus, where may I stand that will up these odds?"

thelyricaljessejames

I prefer to make bad first impressions. Horrible even. It clears out the suckers right away.

taketheunder

And with a B.A.C. well into the .3s

I wish just one more unemployable meatsack would share this bullshit into my Facebook timeline.

Crazy idea, a government that stays out of your pants and out of your wallets.

People who enjoy life and other humans are the worst.

Fall is like a one night stand. At first it's all anticipation. Then a burst of excitement. Followed by being cold, damp, and everything's on the floor.

No, you have a load of sausage backed into your receiving dock!

#get some meat in ya #sausage truck

speshuled

But that fish prefers water I think.

so-true

This police report is bonkers.

At approximately 1420 hours, the defendant Sean Johnson selected a brown, tan and red-stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department. The defendant then proceeded to the comforter aisle in housewares and proceeded to pull out his genitals which were in an aroused state. The defendant then proceeded to hold the stuffed horse’s chest area to his genitals and proceeded to hump the stuffed horse using short fast movements. The defendant continued his action until he achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area.

The defendant then placed the soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also. The defendant then exited the store and left the property. Contact was made with the defendant directly across the street.

News 8 Louisiana - Police are calling this a crime of the unthinkable, something that most people would never imagine doing. On Monday, police were called to a Louisiana Walmart under the suspicion that a customer was shoplifting food. According to the complaint, a Walmart worker radioed security a

Bet it sounded like she was stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese.

Chopped Judges: We don't feel you've truly transformed these ingredients.

Me: I used twice as much butter as the box called for...

taketheunder

Everyone keeps asking for a “dislike” button on Facebook, how about a “Hey, glad you’ve been getting some good dick from the guy who’s nailed 87% of my timeline over the past two years but let’s slow the roll on posting about how you’re going to be together forever until oh, let’s say week 5.” button?