if i look back, i am lost
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Color Me Curious
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@talia-mckinnon
“Woul’ ya like to join?” He asked, waving the water gun. “I know it’s gotten a bit cooler, but it’s the first thin’ to pop into my head when my dad showed up this mornin’.”
“That should not even be a question. Give me a water gun.”, Talia requested as she extended her empty hand. “But, if this is a thing that you and your dad do, I should leave you to it.”
Catrina walked around in her muerte form, her flower crown laying loosely atop her head as her abuela carefully went to fix it. “So this is, famed WDPA, hm? I am glad your father listened to bringing you here.” The old woman replied as she curiously looked around. “It’s certainly something magical…”
Talia was rolling her wheelchair through a crowded quad. She just wanted to find an empty spot and although that seemed possible, she still tried. As she was rushing, she accidentally bumped into an old lady. She looked up at her and showed a guilty smile. “I’m so sorry. I did not mean to bump into you.”
“Oh, it’s so fucking nice to be able to taste this again… Even if it tastes like shit” He grumbled, taking another deep breath of his cigarette before a figure interrupted the sun. “What the fuck do you want?”
“I want you to go somewhere else to spoke.” Talia said as she continued reading the book she had in her hands. “You are dead so it does not affect you but it affects the people around you. Be considerate for once.”
“Ahh…it’s good to be back. It’s only been 2 weeks…but it feels like a century!”
“What do you plan on doing while you have the chance to be here?”
“Right… Which I still need to find. It’s not exactly like I can flaunt my bones and blue skin around” She sighed. “You find it cool? You’re definitely the first… Everyone’s so shocked.. slightly confused, some disgusted, and one girl passed out in front of me”
“It is not difficult to find a reason to be confident. I am sure there is more to you than your blue skin and bones.”, Talia reassured. “Well, yeah. It is not everyday that I get to talk to a dead girl. For those people are disgusted, let them be. They are not worth even a second of your time.”
“Something, huh?” He quirked an eyebrow as a smirk pulled at his lips. “I’ve got plenty of those.” He kept on pushing her along towards his place, sending looks towards people who even dared glance at Talia. “Here we are” he announced walking in front of her to open the door to his dorm. “It’s a bit crowded, cons of sharing a room, sorry. I’m looking for a place of my own though, I definitely have enough money for that, I’ve just been putting it off.”
“We’ll see.” Talia finally looked away from him and looked instead at where they were passing. To her surprise, no one was giving her a look anymore and she knew that was because of the person behind her. She smiled to herself and got rid of that smile once they were in his dorm. She looked around and honestly did not mind how it looked. “That’s okay. I do suggest you find one of your own soon.” Her eyes landed on his bed. “Can you put me on your bed? It looks like the most comfortable spot to be in for watching movies.”
“I wish I was that confident about well… everything” She smiled weakly as the other girl spoke. “Oh, didn’t you hear? I’m dead, literally dead, a skeleton walking, and everyone now knows it. I just hate all the looks people give, it’s unbearable”
“It is not difficult to be confident. You just need a reason to be, whether it is a big or small one.”. Talia suggested before raising her eyebrow at the girl. “Okay, you are the first dead person I ever got a conversation with, and I find that quite cool actually. What looks do they give?”
“ I know a place, there’s hardly every anyone there, and it’s in a nice shaded area.” Lady was speaking more to herself than the blonde she was accompanying, and she quickly changed directions, bringing them to a secluded space on Walt’s campus. “Is this alright?”
“Then that is the perfect place for me. I do not like writing in noisy and crowded places, especially now.” Talia looked up at the girl with a smile and kept quiet as she was brought to a place she was unaware of until that day. She looked around the place and liked that it was a quiet and had a tree. “It is perfect. Thank you.”
“I… I guess you’re right, aren’t you?” She sighed. “You’re not serious… I really wanted to get away from people, now I’m walking into a crowd.. I…I think I might just go back home, less people”
“I am most of the time, if not always.” Talia frowned as she spoke her next words. “I am. Trust me. I want time and space away from these people just as much as you do. What is your reason for wanting to be alone?”
Lady nodded and began pushing Talia through the crowd, trying to move quickly so they could get away from their watching eyes. “Where would you like to go?”
Talia looked up at the girl and did appreciate what she was doing. For the first time since she got out, she felt speed again. “I did not think of anything specific. Somewhere with not much people, that is for sure.”
“Have you forgotten who you’re speaking to? Of course I have good movies. You can name almost any movie and I have it.”
“I know who I am talking to and that is why I am questioning him. I think I would rather see for myself how good your taste in movies is.” Talia turned her head and smiled at him. “The movies have to make me feel something.”
“What if you just stick to long skirts and dresses while you have to wear them? That will keep them covered, therefore providing you with a way to keep on using them without compromising your outfit.” She ranted, taking a quick breath once she was done.
“I will keep that tip in mind and most likely will follow it. I did not notice how ugly these shoes are until you pointed it out.” Talia looked down at her shoes again and thought of her new outfit. “I want to change.”
By Your Side || Talia & Kota
After noticing the tears in Talia’s eyes, Kota mentally kicked himself for having been so harsh with his words. Truth was, he’d been scared when he came back and found the blonde on the ground, her eyes red and puffy. He could tell that she was trying her best to sound as though she had everything under control, especially when she claimed that she didn’t need his assistance, but instead of firing back and reminding her of her condition, he wrapped his arms around her firmly, allowing her to finish. Taking a deep breath, he sighed before finally speaking up. “You don’t have to do anything by yourself, okay? If and when you need anything I’m going to be right here, no matter what. Even if I have to step out for a few minutes I’m coming right back.” Cracking a small smile, he tried to lighten her mood a bit. “And to be fair, you do need me because, lets face it, what would you do without me?”
Still a bit overwhelmed by the fact that she’d gotten herself into this, he raised a brow and looked around. “What were you doing, anyway? Already trying to run a marathon or something? Really, you nearly gave me a heart attack… And then you would’ve had to come see me in the hospital.” He chuckled lightly, resting his chin on the top of her head. “But really, don’t ever, ever do anything like this again unless you really wanna see me panic. I just barely held it together. It reminds me of that time my brother and I went cliff diving… I remember how terrified our mom’s face was when she realized what we were up to. Now I think I know just how hard her heart was pounding.” He shrugged, hoping that another one of his stories would help put her into a better mood.
It was unusual for Talia to be like this. There was not one moment in her life that she spent crying about something when she was with someone. Most of the time, she did that kind of thing alone. That being said, she was unsure about the moment she put herself in. She wanted to get out of it so bad but at the same time, she does not. She knows that she needed this and because it already begun, she might as well let it go on. No more words came out of her mouth and that was okay for her. Having Kota’s arms around her made her feel okay despite everything that is happening. It was a long time since someone made her feel that way. “But I want to! I don’t want to be in this stupid wheelchair and have you do everything here. I mean, I do want you here.” She could not go on. Instead, she let herself process the words that he just told her. It did reassure her for a while. With tears still in her eyes, she managed to show a small smile as well. “I don’t know.”
She looked down at her lap after she said those three words, avoiding eye contact because she could not look at him after what she said. “I wanted to get my journal. There is so much going in my head that I needed to let it out. I-I’m sorry. I just wanted to write so this heavy feeling in my chest goes away.” Talia moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. “I will make no promises but I will try my best not to. It is not easy, you know.” She kept quiet after that and listened to his story. She liked hearing him tell her stories, because she knows that the words that come out of his mouth are his. Everything he tells her is something personal and that makes her feel comfortable around him. After he finished, she smiled then placed her hand on his chest to see if his heart was still pounding. “I can feel your heart beat.”
“I live up to my own expectations, if only anyone could say the same about you.” He smoked freely, not really caring where the smoke went. “20/20 vision.”
“I am sure you live to other people’s expectations of you as well and that is not automatically a good thing.” Talia said as her annoyance with the boy worsened. “If you say so.”
“Damn, tha’s a while.” He made an impressed and worried expression. “I’ll be right back, then. Ya hang tight.” He grinned and then hurriedly made his way to the library, coming back to the spot a few minutes later with three thick books in his hands. “Couldn’t choose, think they’re gonna be any help?”
“It is going to feel so long in my shoes.” Talia raised an eyebrow at the man, wondering why he looked worried about her. “Not like I have a choice.” She shrugged and avoided the looks of everyone who passed by while she waited. when Jock came back, she nodded at the sight of the books. “I do believe so. Thank you.” She leaned forward and took the books from him. “ Do you have anywhere to be?”
“To my dorm, remember? We’re supposed to watch some movies and eat some treats. I hear it does wonders when you’re feeling down.”
“Ah, the usual thing to do for a girl who is not in a good mood. You better have good movies, not cliche ones. I am very picky with that and with my treats.”
“I-I guess you’re right, It’s not really the best habit to have, is it?” She shrugged. “I-I was just going to the library, to get out of the way of people and noise, you know?”
“If you want to let people walk over you and take advantage of you, it is. If you don’t then it obviously is not.”, Talia answered. “That makes sense but unfortunately, the library is filled with people now as well.”
