Talon's Quote of the Day!

God help us all. Make me stop

[ramisuschrist-blog]

me as a detective: WHO DID THIS 😂😂😂

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9/11/16

"Do you think Ludacris was upset that a lot of people died on his birthday or do you think that he'd be the asshole to throw a party on 9/11?"

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9/10/16

"The only logical solution to my problem is using Donald Trump's hair as a parachute to float to the Atlantic Ocean and get eaten by sharks. I don't think logical was the right word."

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9/9/16

"I never understood why the song 'Wonderwall' was a meme and then I got thinking. Why is she his Wonderwall? Is she a wonder? Is she a wall? Is she made of bricks? Or is she made of LIES??"

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9/8/16

Nicky (my gf): "What do you want to be for Halloween?" Me: "Straight." Nicky: "That would be a first."

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9/7/16

"You know, I wouldn't mind if people were cats and cats were people, because I've always wondered how it would feel to shit in a litter box and lick my own balls."

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9/6/16

"Listen, Lacie, you may call yourself a vegetarian, but shoving a cucumber up your asshole does not make your opinion more valid!"

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9/5/16

"All these girls trying to find the perfect man. 'Oh why can't I find someone perfect?' Maybe because all the guys you date listen to Nickelback?"

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9/4/16

"You know, I don't think people really understand me. But I can totally understand them because, well..." *turns to imaginary camera* "I'm kind of a sociopath!!"

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9/3/16

"Welp, time to use sarcasm to escape my feelers."

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9/2/16

“Well, I had a glorious day dealing with my depression and anxiety! Run me over with a steameboat, honey, ‘cause life is FUCKING FANTERRIFIC!!”

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9/1/16

"I feel like pumpkin spice is God's gift to earth, but then we did something terrible and then he gave us Uggs boots as a punishment."

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8/31/16

“Of course you would make a better DM than him! YOU have an imagination! He has a unibrow!”

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8/30/16

“I love drowning the oreo in milk until you see no bubbles coming up. That way I know I’m eating the corpse of the battle-ridden cookie. Farewell, my cream-filled brethren. May you find peace up in the sugary heavens. But, for now, you serve a higher purpose... IN MY BELLY!!”

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8/29/16

"God, if Jesus was alive now, I bet he'd be some chill hippie dude who only played reggae music, smoked the pot, and made his own trail mix. I just hope he wouldn't be a vegan because he'd be missing out on the delicious beef jerky."

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8/28/16

"Whoops forgot to update my blog. Better think of something horrible to say... Testicles."

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8/27/16

“I’d rather trust the Zodiac Killer than either of the presidential candidate. At least he didn’t disappoint.”