Only Regret for Us to Feel
Rafe Cameron/Reader
Angst, hurt, breakup
Spoilers: for season 3, episode 2
Summary: You never wanted a reunion with Rafe, especially not like this.
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“(Name)?”
“Rafe!” you said in shock, almost mistaking him for someone else.
But no, you could never make that mistake with the man you’d once loved.
He was so different than the last time you’d seen each other back on the ship. He’d shaved his hair and was now wearing a suit like any business man would. Like Ward would.
You couldn’t forget it: Rafe was his father’s son. Being your ex-boyfriend didn’t change that. Rafe was still the one who’d broken your heart by choosing his father over you, his own girlfriend. He’d choose his father every single time, even knowing what kind of man Ward was.
Rafe had changed too much for you to ever be together again.
You could see it in his eyes, that wild obsession about treasure that he’d never need. Not like you did, the Pogue daughter of Pogue parents, a poor family who happened to live in a place with a view everywhere you looked. Kildare Island itself was more special than anything your family owned. Just being able to live there was sometimes enough to make you happy, even through the bad days.
But Rafe was more than a bad day. He was a series of them tied together, hardly the boy you knew before who’d been accepting Pogues more and more because of you. You’d wanted him to fully accept Pogues someday, but that was impossible now.
Rafe would always be a Kook. A killer.
“No, no, no, no.” You shook your head and backed away from him. “I don’t have time for this!”
You turned around and ran, not knowing or caring where you were in the house, the owner unknown. You just had to get away from Rafe.
Footsteps followed behind you, and a hand grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further.
“Wait, (Name)!”
“Wait for what?” you yelled, wrenching away your hand from his grip. “There’s nothing left to say, not after you chose your father! Like everything we were didn’t even matter to you!”
The crack in your voice didn’t escape Rafe’s ears, his own voice sounding hoarse. “It did,” he said. “You were everything to me. You were… my life.”
“Your life?” you repeated with a disbelieving laugh. “What a lie! You threw me away as soon as Ward started paying more attention to you, and look where that got us.” You gestured between both of you, standing in a house likely neither of you had been before. That was true for you, at least, kidnapped and still in danger. “We’re broken up and caught the eye of another crazy treasure hunter, but oh, wait, you’re one too, Rafe.”
“No, I’m not.” Rafe’s face was hard, but in a second it softened as he looked at you. “I’m trying to help my dad by bringing our family back together. The gold, the cross… that’s all it is.”
You looked away, all the better to hide your brimming tears. “I don’t believe you. Do you really think that’ll do shit?” You glared at Rafe with anger burning in your eyes. “Wake up, Rafe! All you’re doing is Ward’s dirty work! He’s not gonna love you more than Sarah just because you bring him gold!”
Rafe’s stare was colder than anything you’d ever seen from him before. He remembered like you did all the times when he’d confided in you about Sarah. How she’d been their father’s favorite since the day she was born. Maybe even before that.
Rafe’s expression was one of a man who felt betrayed, but you hadn’t done that. He had when your love wasn’t enough for him anymore, and Rafe had gone back to Ward, desperately seeking his father’s love and approval.
“You think I’m just some rich daddy’s boy, don’t you?” Rafe accused. “That I’m doing all this fucking shit because I didn’t get enough hugs and kisses when I was a kid?” Rafe finished with a bitter laugh before staring at you intensely. “Hey, answer this. Did you ever love me? Or did you just wanna know what fucking a Kook was like?”
Hearing those sickening words from Rafe was like a knife slicing down your heart in half. You wanted to believe that he himself didn’t believe in any of it, but he’d become a completely different person since that day with the plane, and he wouldn’t turn back into the boy you’d fallen in love with. That boy hadn’t known the feeling of death on his hands.
“I did love you, Rafe,” you said, almost in a whisper. “But you changed, and you—” You took a deep breath and then looked him in the eyes. “You should atone for what you did.”
“Atone?” Rafe shook his head, unable to stand the sight of you for a moment. “Then I guess this whole talk was for nothing.” He waved a hand at the door. “Go ahead. Run back to your little Pogue friends. Tell them I’m the reason why you escaped.” He barked a laugh that reminded you too much of Ward. “Tell them I could’ve stopped you, but I didn’t.”
“You could still stop me now,” you pointed out, skeptical of his motive—or motives. “Why are you letting me go?”
“Because the more I look at you, the more I wonder why I ever wasted my time with you in the first place. Just another Pogue bitch.” There was no stutter in Rafe’s voice.
You buried the hurt he caused you into the deepest part of yourself, where you’d never let Rafe in again. He didn’t deserve you.
“You’ll regret this, Rafe.” Your voice was steel, hardened by pain that you promised you wouldn’t feel again from him. You had no more sympathy to give to a past that was already gone. “You could’ve been a Pogue too. We could’ve been happy even without all of it: money, your father, even the treasure.”
“I’m happy right where I am, and the only thing I regret is you.” Rafe turned away, refusing to look at you any longer. “Get out, (Name), before I decide not to let you go, after all.”
You and Rafe didn’t say another word to each other, and you walked out the door, leaving him behind to his life of crime and treasure.
He could rot in jail with Ward for all you cared.