being pregnant with rafe’s baby meant being treated like a princess from sun up to sun down, the man not allowing you to do a single thing that may cause any kind of physical strain. unfortunately that meant no cooking or baking since it made you stand up for long periods of time— it really didn’t, but that was rafe’s claim. if you wanted to do any of those things you had to do it while he was gone at work, and even though you’d hear a never ending lecture about it later, rafe still enjoyed your surprise dinners you made for him throughout the week. tonight, however, you realized rafe would be pretty much eating by himself. despite making this very dish for him hundreds of times, you still managed to mess up and accidentally under buy everything needed to feed you both.
instead of buying two steaks, you only bought one. instead of making a fair amount of mashed potatoes, you made just enough for rafe to have a second serving the way he always did. you didn’t think about yourself once while you were out shopping for tonight’s meal. “god, i’m such an idiot!” you whispered to yourself once you put together rafe’s plate. glancing to see what was left on the stovetop, you laughed. of course, you could leave it up to your pregnancy brain to not think clearly of all days. before you could dwell on your mistake for too long, the sound of the front door opening made you snap out of your thoughts. “it smells good in here!” rafe strolled into the kitchen, his eyes growing wide as he immediately zeroed in on the plate waiting for him at his spot at the table.
wrapping his arms around your waist, you leaned into his kiss as he softly rubbed your belly. “you look gorgeous as always.” you smiled, your eyes fluttering closed as you breathed in his scent. “i missed you.” you hugged his arm, your lips pressing another peck to his chin. rafe hummed, muttering a ‘i missed you, too’ before he placed his keys down on the counter. “everything’s ready!” you chirped, “go ahead and sit down, i’ll come back with my plate right now.” rafe nodded, making his way to the dining room. panicking, you tried your best to serve yourself a little bit of everything you made, your plate still looking empty and void of food even though you packed all that you could without taking from rafe’s portion.
all hopes of rafe not noticing your poor excuse of a ‘plate’ was deemed useless as soon as he gave you a double take as you were taking a seat. “what the hell is that?” he looked up at you, a mix of confusion and concern lacing his tone. “i’m not that hungry, i—” rafe was shaking his head immediately, his eyes traveling over to the kitchen. “baby, where’s the rest of your food? it looks like you got free samples on a plate and called it a day.” you sighed, your eyes watering as you reached for your plate that was now in rafe’s hands. “i just— ugh, i feel so dumb!” you pulled your plate back, “when i went grocery shopping for dinner earlier, i didn’t account for myself on accident and i only bought enough food for just you to eat, so obviously now there isn’t enough and i hate losing my train of thought—”
before you could keep rambling on, rafe was already cutting his steak in half to place on your plate, in which you tried to deny but it was no use. “here,” he scooped his mashed potatoes next, and then it was the corn and his favorite bacon wrapped asparagus, “i can’t rest or even be remotely comfortable unless i know you’re in perfect condition.” rafe stood up, kissing the crown of your head. “don’t you worry, baby, i’m gonna have whatever is left over and if i’m still hungry i’ll just order something. it’s no big deal.” he reassured you, kneeling down so he was eye level with you. “i didn’t want you to get takeout though, this dinner was for you!” you sniffled. “you do a lot for me already, sweetheart, please don’t let this upset you.” rafe pleaded, genuinely stressing at the sight of you shedding tears.
“i just wanted to do something nice—” you hiccuped, “but nooo, i just have to forget something all the time!” rafe shushed you, his hands enveloping your own as he let you bury your face in the curve of his neck. “i think you’re being way too hard on yourself,” he thumbed your chin, “it was an honest mistake, babe, i promise you it’s not a big deal. the guys treated me to lunch earlier, i was eating the snacks you packed for me throughout the day, now this. i’m not starving, okay?” you finally met his gaze, your teary eyes tugging at his heartstrings. “you swear?” you sat up straight, picking up your fork. “i promise. now, please help me feel better by just digging into your food, yeah?”
cw. canon rafe, unhealthy obsession, stalking, rafe and a one-sided crush (at first), angst, kissing, needy rafe, masturbation (m), meltdowns, confessions, lots of dialogue, inebriated sex, drugs, unprotected sex, semi public sex, breeding, size kink (rafe has a huge dick), dom/sub, possessiveness, light cumplay, reader is often pressured into acts with rafe. it is not entirely consensual.
synopsis. rafe has never had such intense feelings for someone until he met you. his problem is that he doesn't know how to get you to want him back.
Rafe watches you intently as you flit around the snack bar at the country club, serving a rich family overpriced ice creams. You'd been working at the concessions stand since summer started. No doubt a seasonal job to pay for college. He could pay your whole tuition and not bat an eye, and it's not like he hasn't offered on multiple occasions.
He'd been strangely offended when you'd gotten defensive and angry. You accused him of throwing money at you like you're a whore. You think the worst of him. He knows you do. He can see the way you behave around him.
He noticed your smile always faded when he entered your line of sight. You usually bolted with a weak excuse of being busy, or gave him clipped, terse responses if he managed to get you to speak to him. Even then, it felt like he was talking at you, and you were responding like you had a gun to your head.
Perhaps you thought you were too good for him. That fancy college you were going to was getting to your head. Maybe you were dating some douchebag econ major... He didn't even realize the family left and he was just staring at you. You're probably even more creeped out by him now. You have this odd look on your face and there's a stiffness in the way you stand now, like you're trying to shrink yourself without being obvious.
He takes a sharp breath in and walks over to you, hands sliding into his pocket to hold out the pretty necklace he bought you today. He was planning to ask you out. For the second time this week already.
He fidgets with the necklace in his pocket, running his thumb along the delicate little charm he'd picked out earlier that day. It reminded him of you, all soft and bright and way too expensive for someone scooping sherbet in the heat. He'd thought about just leaving it in your locker. But no, that'd be weird. Creepy, even. He wasn't creepy.
Your shift is almost over. He can tell by the way you've started glancing at your phone, counting down minutes. You don't look up when he stops at the counter. But you freeze for just a second. Your hand lingers too long on a napkin dispenser.
"I g-got you something," he mumbles, voice low and a little nervous, like a child speaking to their first love. He pulls the necklace from his pocket slowly, afraid you'll turn him away. You finally look up. Not at the necklace but at him. Your face is guarded.
"Rafe…" Your voice is soft, but there's weight behind it. You sound tired. "I told you not to-"
"You didn't let me finish last time," he says, setting the little box a little too hard onto the countertop. "You never… you never let me finish. I'm not trying to buy your attention. I just… think about you a lot." He swallows, tongue darting across the inside of his cheek. "You don't even have to wear it. I just thought it was pretty. Like you."
You blink, eyes scanning his face. It almost sounds like he's rambling, and your cheeks warm up at the compliment. Still, wearing something a man bought you is far too intimate for your liking. He notices your hands twitch slightly at your sides.
You shift your weight like you want to step back but don't want to make it obvious. The silence that follows is thick. Your eyes drop to the box, then lift again to meet his. You're not smiling. He wishes you'd smile at him. The cute one with a hint of a dimple. You're so adorable.
"I don't want to owe you anything," you say quietly. "And I don't want you thinking that this means anything. Because it doesn't. I don't feel that way towards you."
Rafe's feels his heart sink like a rock in a body of water, his eyes trained on you as you lower your head, gnawing on your plump lower lip. You're a coward. He thinks to himself. Mumbling that to him while being incapable of looking him in the eyes. He reminds himself that this happens every time he makes a move on you, but it still stings.
"Why not? How do I make you want me?" The words tumble out before he can stop them. He feels like such a loser. He's practically begging for your attention.
"You dont, Rafe." You mumble. You don't meet his eyes again as you gather up your things, shifting uncomfortably as you turn away. There's no venom in your voice, like he's not even worth the time or energy to get mad at. "Stop wasting your time with me and go hang out with the girls your speed."
He frowns, pushing his body against the counter as he watches you lock everything up. His eyes drift to the way your tits push against your thin polo when you lean forward to grab your phone charger. Fuck, he wants you.
His mind returns to your last couple words. "What do you mean my speed? You're my speed. I want you to be my speed."
You scoff lightly, shaking your head. You think he's clueless. He knows you do. As you slide out of the concessions stand and come around to roll down the security shutters and lock it. He stares down at you, admiring the way your body moves. You're not answering him, so he holds onto your upper arm and turns you with little to no effort so that he can look at you. You're just… so out of his league, and yet, he can't let go of this hope. This stupid, selfish hope that you'll turn to him one day. That you'll see him the way he's seeing you now.
"I don't know why you're doing this," he continues, his voice rougher than he means. "But I'm not the bad guy here, alright?" He steps closer to you, leaning in. His heart races, his voice low but urgent. "I know you... you don't want me anywhere near you. But I can't stop thinking about you. Every damn day. Every time I see you, I-" He pauses, his breath catching in his throat as the words spill out before he can stop them. "It h-hurts. It fucking hurts, you know?"
The silence between you two stretches, and Rafe's chest rises and falls rapidly like he's been holding his breath for too long. His hands shake. He's not sure if he's angry or desperate, but either way, he can't let it go. He needs something from you but he knows it's not something you can give so easily. You stare at him silently through long lashes, your brows furrowed. You hate him. "I'm going home, Rafe," you say, not acknowledging his desperation. "I suggest you give this a rest."
He watches as you tear your arm out of his grip to brush past him and head toward your dingy little car, hips swaying as you walk. The pretty necklace he bought you is still in his possession. Like he's out of his mind, he stalks after you from a distance just as you get into your car. He walks to his own truck and decides to tail you to your home.
-
Rafe shows up the next morning like he didn't follow you home the night before and sit in his truck outside your house for hours with his hands clenched tight on the steering wheel, replaying your voice in his head on a loop.
"I don't want you." "Stop wasting your time."
He'd been a fight with his dad this morning, and that, paired with yet another day going by with you refusing to open up to him, had pushed him over the edge. The fight had been loud, ugly, and violent and had left his voice hoarse and his knuckles raw from punching drywall. He'd stormed out without a plan, just his keys in hand and the necklace in his pocket.
You're working in the stupid concessions stand again, your face a little sleep ridden, but so so cute. He stares at you like it hurts to look and hurts worse not to.
When you see him storm up to the front, you frown immediately "I told you to stop coming here," you murmur softly, stepping back just a little, but you don't yell or swear at him.
"I know, I know," he rushes out, his voice low and breathless. "But I-I need this. I'm going through some shit right now, alright? I'm not okay. I swear I'll leave right after, I just.. fuck, I just need to hold you right now. Please."
You blink, staring at him from behind the counter with furrowed brows and pursed like you're unsure. Your voice is soft. "Rafe…"
He talks over you before you can turn him away "I'm not trying to pull anything. I'm not here to freak you out. I…" He drags a hand through his hair, pacing outside the snack shack like he's going to have a meltdown. "Please. I really, really need this. God, I miss you and I don't even have you yet."
That makes you pause, your brain scrambling to process the sheer desperation in his words. Your face is warm for a reason you don't comprehend right now. Your eyes flick up to his, and you sigh. "Fine," you whisper, stepping aside to move to the side door and open it. "Just for a bit." He's inside before you finish the sentence.
He practically throws himself on you, arms around your waist, head buried in your neck as he exhales into your skin. You stumble a little because he's so big and heavy, but he wraps his arms around you tighter to keep you steady. Your hands go instinctively to his shoulders, and he relaxes, grounded against you the second he has you in his arms. You're so warm and soft and you smell sweet, causing his body to relax against yours. He can finally breathe.
You tentatively reach up to touch his hair gently, voice unsure. "Did… something happen?"
He just hums, not answering right away, eyes fluttering shut against your collarbone. "You feel so good," he mumbles. "Shit… I don't know what's wrong with me…"
You don't respond. You just let him hold you, fingers threading through his hair, and for a moment, he actually feels calm. He doesn't even care that you're not kissing him or telling him you feel the same. This is enough for now.
He holds you for a long time. Too long, probably, but you don't push him off. Your fingers are still gently threading through his hair, and Rafe presses himself against you tighter like he can fuse the two of you together if he tries hard enough. Feels like he wants to be in your skin. He doesn't say anything for a moment, just soaks in the warmth of your body, the comfort of your scent, the softness of your voice when you ask, "Are you feeling any better?"
He is, really. Much, much better. So much better that he forgot all about Ward and all his other stupid problems, but he needs more. You've got him hooked. "Can I come hang out with you in the stand today?" he asks quietly, nuzzling into your throat. "I'll sit in the back, I swear I won't bother you, I swear."
You hesitate, and he feels it immediately in the way your fingers pause in his hair. You pull back slightly, and he lifts his head to meet your eyes, already expecting the no before you whisper it. "I can't, Rafe. I'll get in trouble. I can't have people hanging around,"
"But I'm not just people," he interrupts, frowning. "I'd be quiet. Just… just let me be near you, please. I can't go back there. Can't go home. Just wanna be with you."
"Rafe…"
"Okay," he says quickly, licking his lips and pulling his hand from his pocket. "Okay, fine. What about the necklace, then?" You blink as he holds out the box again, careful this time, not slamming it on a counter or shoving it in your hands. Just opening it slowly, almost reverently. "Will you wear it? Please?"
There's a pitiful look on his face that makes your resolve falter. His eyes are shiny, lips red and swollen from biting and licking, his face flushed. He's holding you tightly with his free hand. You sigh softly, giving in. "Fine. Just… just for today."
His whole face lights up. "Really? You will?" You nod, reaching for the box, but he stops you gently, one hand brushing yours. "C-can I put it on you?"
You hesitate again, and he's already behind you before you can think of a reason to say no. His fingers tremble a little as he pushes your hair aside, letting the soft strands fall through his hands like silk. You smell like something clean and dreamy, like vanilla and sunlight, and he swears it makes his head spin.
He hooks the necklace around your throat, clasping it carefully, and then just lets his hands rest on your shoulders for a second too long. You're wearing his necklace. Surely that means you're closer to becoming his, right? You're being so nice to him today, he thinks. "You look s'pretty, angel" he murmurs, eyes trained on your skin. "It looks perfect on you."
You turn to face him, not frowning so much anymore. "Thank you… but, seriously. You should go now, my boss does rounds in the morning, and-"
"I know, I know." He nods quickly, eyes dropping to your lips, voice barely above a whisper. "Do you... do you think I could kiss you? Just once?"
You pull back slightly, unsure. "I don't think that's a good idea…"
"Please," he breathes, his hands grabbing onto your arms to make sure you don't run from him. "I swear I won't ask again. Just once. I'm not okay, alright? I need to know what it feels like. Just one. I'm begging you."
You pause. He's looking at you like he's breaking and one kiss could fix something inside him. You furrow your brows, caught between your own better judgment and the way his voice sounds all wrecked and shaky when he speaks, and you know that he won't let this go, so yet again, you give in. "…Just a small one."
He doesn't wait, pressing his mouth to yours with such desperation it makes you reel back slightly. His hands come up to your face, thumbs grazing your cheeks like you're made of glass. He makes sure not to go too fast or try to shove his tongue in your mouth. He wants to savor every last bit of this before you pull away and go back to ignoring him. When his lips move against yours, it's reverent, and his lips seal around yours, making soft smacking sounds. He can't help the breathy groans that leave him. When you finally pull back, he's not all there.
You're warm in the face, wide-eyed, and still close enough that he can feel your breath fan against his lips. "Rafe…" you whisper, gently guiding him back by the shoulders. "You should go." He doesn't say anything, just nods, eyes still glassy and dazed, letting you push the door open and give him a soft little smile, biting your lip to hold it back, as he stumbles outside, like he's in a fog. The door shuts behind him.
He walks to his truck like he's drunk, heart pounding, lips tingling, mind still wrapped around the way your mouth felt on his. He's never felt this before. Not with anyone. He sits in his truck for a long time after that, tasting you on his lips and listening to his heart drum in his ears.
-
Rafe doesn't leave his room for hours after the kiss.
He's lying on his bed, shirt thrown onto the ground and breathing way too hard. The way your mouth felt on his feels like it's been carved into his brain. Burned into it, more like. He can't stop thinking about how it felt to hold you and press his lips to yours all desperate and sloppy no matter how many times he tries to get it together. He can still faintly taste your strawberry lip gloss on his mouth and hear the soft little moans you made when you kissed him back, even if they were quiet. Next time, he'll make you scream.
He turns over in his bed, running his fingers through his hair. He wonders if he's drowning. Nothing feels real right now. You kissed him. He didn't force himself on you or make you do anything you didn't want to. You gave yourself to him, and now he needs more, but you're so difficult. Sweet and soft but just out of reach like you like watching him go crazy.
He sits up too fast, legs bouncing with nervous energy as he grabs his phone and opens your social media so fast it feels like muscle memory. He scrolls through your posts until he finds one he's seen many times before. One where you're at a kegger with friends in a little crop top with shorts where he can see the bottom piece of your bikini underneath.
You look like his wet dreams come to life. He likes this picture because it looks like you were made for him. All sunkissed, wearing his favorite colors, smiling all cute and innocent, fuck…
He tosses his phone to the floor like it burns to hold it and closes his eyes until all he can see is your mouth parting against his, the way your lashes fluttered. The heat of your body under his hands, how easy it would've been to just keep going, to press you up against the wall and devour you like he wanted to. He can't breathe.
He's sliding his hand into his pants before he can think, not bothering to take off his shorts or boxers, just easing his cock out of their confines and groaning at its sensitivity, hunching forward and slowly beginning to pump his hand up and down. He thinks about you in his necklace, bending you over the counter of your dumb little snack store, kissing you again… God, he thinks you're it for him. You're all he wants..
He moans softly, quietly, the sound muffled into his pillow. His hips buck up into his fist, and it's not just lust driving him, it's panic. It feels like you crawled into his veins and rewired every cell of his body. "Shit… can't last…"
He fucks into his hand harder, chasing the feeling with a frustrated groan. It's not enough. It's not enough. He wants your voice in his ear, wants your thighs around his waist, wants your little breathy moans right against his mouth.
His hand moves faster, messier, thumb dragging over the tip just to feel the way his cock twitches, but it's not the same, not even close to how it felt when you touched him. He tightens his grip on his cock a little to try and imagine how it would feel being inside you for real. Wetter, he thinks, and he leans back to spit in his hand, then going back to milking his cock with his hand, forehead pressed into his pillow. His voice is quiet and wrecked, whispered little groans into the pillow as his hips twitch, fucking up into his fist like your pussy's the only thing that could calm him down. "Fuck... fuck... want you s'bad, angel, mngh"
His hand stutters, hips jerking, and he cums with a low, guttural groan that's more desperate than anything, thick, creamy spurts coating his fingers, his chest, his boxers, but the second it's over, the second he catches his breath, the ache only sharpens.
When he checks up on you the next morning like a routine at your place of work, he swears he's gonna puke when he pulls up to the country club and you're not there.
At first, he tells himself maybe you're just late. Maybe you overslept or your car broke down or you're inside and he didn't see you. But after he walks in and asks your manager, only to be told with a shrug that "she's taking a chill day," it's like the floor falls out from under him.
Why didn't you tell him? You gave him no explanation, no warning, no clue about what you're doing or or where you are or who you're with and his brain is going fucking crazy. He drives around for thirty minutes, chewing his nail and shaking his leg and refreshing your socials like a psycho, until finally he pulls up outside your house, parks crooked, throws it in park, and marches up the steps like a man possessed.
He knocks once. Then again, and quickly, he's pounding on the door, then with both fists. His heart is racing. His hands are sweating. And then you open the door and he just sags, a shaky breath leaving his chest. You're in a giant t-shirt with and little shorts, holding a spatula in one hand and blinking up at him like you just woke up. "Rafe?"
He's already crowding the door, peeking behind you like he's trying to find a way to barge in. "Why weren't you at work?" You frown up at him, still surprised at the sheer unexpectedness of his arrival. Why is it that he shows up wherever you go? "I... I just took the day off."
"Took the day off?" he echoes like you just told him you're moving to another continent. "Why?" You blink, stepping back a little because of how close he is. "Just wanted a day to myself. I'm going to a bonfire later and didn't wanna be tired."
"A bonfire," he repeats, stepping over the threshold without waiting for an invite. "With who?" His gaze flicks over to your exposed legs, then your thighs and your lips, plush and a little swollen. "You never take days off. Since when do you go to bonfires?"
You furrow your brows, confused and still kind of sleepy. "Rafe, what's going on? Are you okay?"
"No," he says immediately, eyes flitting over your face, down your neck, lingering on the dip of your collarbone, where the charm of the necklace he bought you is still resting. "No, I'm not. You weren't there. I-I didn't know where you were, cause you never told me."
Your expression softens as you see that he's not doing so good right now. Feels like he needs you. "I'm fine. I was just making pancakes."
"Who else is going?" he asks, voice hard and words coming out fast. "To the bonfire."
You pause. "I dunno. A few people."
"Guys?"
You blink. "Probably?"
His jaw clenches. "What are you wearing?"
You splutter again, this time caught off guard. "To the bonfire?"
"Yeah."
"Ah... not sure yet, I guess"
He stares at you like he doesn't believe you. Like you're lying just to mess with him. "Are you gonna drink?"
You finally realize the absurdity of his comments and scoff lightly. "Why are you acting like my boyfriend?"
Rafe takes a step closer to you, his breath coming out shaky, his jaw tight. His eyes are dark, gaze heavy with something you can't quite place. "Because I will be," he says, low and determined, like it's a promise. You're caught off guard, but you don't let him see that. You cross your arms over your chest, clearly trying to hold on to your composure. "What?"
His eyes never leave you. He looks dead serious; there's not a single flicker of hesitation in his voice. "I'm gonna be your boyfriend," he repeats, firm this time, almost like he's daring you to contradict him.
You stare at him, the weight of it settling over the room like a thick fog, and Rafe takes a step closer, like he's trying to prove something just by you letting him be so close to you.
"You can't just disappear like that, okay?" he says, sounding bossy. "I thought you were gone. Like...gone gone. I had to talk to your boss, cause I don't like when I don't know where you are," he rambles, eyes locked on yours. "I don't like not knowing who you're with, or what you're wearing, or if someone's getting you drunk and trying to take you home."
Alarmed by how he's starting to sound frantic, you think this would be a good time to give him some space and angle the door just enough that he can't get past it. "Rafe, go home." you say quietly, not looking him in the eye as you tuck the spatula behind you and lean into the door like a warning. "You're freaking me out."
Rafe's face twists, first in confusion, like he's still catching up to what you just said, and then in disbelief, then anger.
"How am I freaking you out, huh? You're just overreacting, like always. Trying to treat me like I'm a goddamn basket case."
"I don't like this," you continue, more firmly now, your pulse speeding up. "You show up at my house and start asking all these questions like you own me or something,"
"It's cause I care about you," he snaps, voice rising a little as his eyes burn into yours, his chest lifting with every breath. "You don't get it, do you? You think it's nothing, but it's not. You disappear, you don't text, and now you're telling me you're going out to get wasted with God knows who." His hands are clenching and unclenching rapidly and he keeps raking his hands incessantly through his hair.
"I don't owe you an explanation."
"Yes, you fucking do!"
You flinch, just slightly, and he sees how your fingers curl tighter around the edge of the door, and it makes him panic. He steps forward like he's going to force his way in and you push the door tighter with a hard look, shaking your head.
"I'm not doing this," you say, voice cold now, your tone clipped and unfamiliar. "I'm not gonna let you guilt trip me just because I wanted one night to myself."
"You're not just trying to have a night to yourself," he says bitterly, jaw tight as he takes a shaky breath, eyes wide and manic-like, as though he's about to unravel right in front of you. "You're going out so you can slut yourself out, right? So you can get drunk and let some random guy put his hands all over you, and then you're gonna let him fuck you."
"Excuse me?" you hiss, eyes wide as your entire body goes still.
"You think I don't know?" Rafe seethes, running a hand through his hair, pacing back like he's physically trying to keep from grabbing you. "You think I haven't seen the way you look when you're flirting? You get that sexy little look in your eyes like you're begging to be bent over. Like you want guys' attention. A-and you post shit, you wear tiny hooker shorts and laugh at every guy that breathes near you and then act like I'm the one who's crazy when I don't want to fucking lose you!"
"You are crazy," you snap, voice rising for the first time. "You're out of your fucking mind. You don't get to walk into my house and tell me what I can wear or who I can be around just because we kissed."
"IT WASN'T JUST A KISS!" he roars. "DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT? YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME!"
You flinch back when he screams at you, and your breathing goes shallow, lips parting like you want to say something else, but nothing comes out. "Rafe," you say instead, voice low, scared. "P-please, you need to go."
"No," he whispers immediately, shaking his head like a child. "No, don't shut me out. Don't do this. You don't mean that-"
"Go away, Rafe!" you cry out, and slam the door in his face before you can change your mind. The sound echoes through your house, bouncing off the walls and rattling your chest. You lock it.
On the other side, you hear nothing for a long moment. And then the soft thud of his fist hitting the door once, twice. Not to knock, just because he doesn't know what else to do. Then footsteps. Then silence.
You slide to the floor and stare at the spatula still clutched in your hand, heart thudding against your ribs like it's trying to claw its way out, meanwhile he storms away to his truck, immediately driving at an obscene speed. He cruises down the road with one hand gripping the wheel and the other twitching restlessly on his thigh, his head pounding. The sun's going down and the sky is darkening, and all he can think about is you in some tiny little outfit, smiling at some guy who doesn’t fucking deserve it.
He goes home to pass the time with whatever helps take his mind off you. Lifting weights, doing jobs for his dad, golfing...
By nightfall he's buzzing and out on the road, headed to your stupid bonfire.
He hits the brakes too hard pulling into the dirt road leading to the beach. Gravel kicks up under the tires and his pulse doesn’t slow. He leans back in his seat for a second, staring out at the distant flames and silhouettes gathering around them, and he mutters under his breath.
He's met up with some friends, his pupils are blown wide and there’s a girl clinging to his arm, some mutual friend who laughs too loud at everything he says and keeps taking hits to impress him. He doesn’t even remember her name.
He’s already smoked, he did a line back at the house, and now everything feels loose and hazy except the fire and the blurry shape of you. He spots you instantly. You’re standing near the fire, laughing with someone he doesn’t recognize, hair tucked behind your ear, drink in your hand, face lit up by the flames.
He drops his arm from the girl like she’s heavy and annoying, snatches the joint from someone's hand without acting, and leans back into the circle of guys while his eyes never leave you.
Every time you smile, or tilt your head to listen to someone who isn’t him, it feels like his skin is burning. He’s bouncing his leg. Grinding his teeth. His fingertips twitch like he’s about to do something reckless, like walking up to you and grabbing your wrist and dragging you off to somewhere private.
The heat of his stare pricks at the back of your neck, even as you try to ignore it and keep sipping your drink, laughing with your friend and pretending you don’t feel your skin flush for no reason at all. But it gets worse with every passing minute. Every little sound around you starts to blur and all you can feel is him staring.
When you finally turn your head, you find him sitting with a group of guys by the fire, his legs bouncing.
You tear your gaze away and pretend you didn’t see, but it only takes a little while before you go off to talk to your friend and there's a warm, huge body pressing against your back, hands snaking around your waist. Music thrums in your ears, and you feel him nudging his hips against your ass as the scent of weed and expensive cologne fills your nose.
Rafe's voice comes out as a quiet slur against your ear. "M'sorry, angel" he mumbles, pressing his face into your hair. "Don't... d-don't want you mad at me. Couldn't stay home. You're not a slut, I didn't mean that...I swear I didn’t mean it."
You push his arm off, stepping away and whirling around to face him. "Rafe! Are you serious right now? You show up here with some girl all over you and now you’re grinding on me like nothing happened?"
His face twists up in shock or hurt. You can't tell. "No...no, what? No!" he says, voice cracking. "I'm not playing you, why the fuck would I be? I did not do anything with her, I just...fuck, I needed to see you. You slammed the door in my face and I thought-"
"Thought what?" you snap. "That you could get a rise out of me and show me how replaceable I am?" Your words make his eyes go all glassy, just for a second, then they darken. He looks feral. He's tired of you and your inability to understand him or his feelings. His jaw tightens and his breathing spikes, and all of a sudden, he snatches your wrist.
"Come here."
"Rafe, let go of me!"
He doesn’t listen. He’s pulling you off the beach, down the sand while ignoring your scattered protests, all the way until you’re stumbling up the wooden steps of a closed lifeguard shack just off the edge of the bonfire. You yank at his grip but he’s too strong, too frantic, like if he lets go, you’ll disappear entirely.
He opens the door and drags you inside, then slams it shut and locks it behind him. The noise of the party dulls outside. Inside, it’s just heavy silence and the sound of both your uneven breaths. You shove at his chest, not a fan of being in such an enclosed space with him. "You're being just as insane as you were at my house, Rafe. You're not even sober right now, are you?"
He stares at you like you just stabbed him. "You don’t get it," he mutters, almost to himself. "You don’t fucking get it."
"I do get it!" you bite back. "I get that you're a manipulative and controlling bast-" That’s when he loses it.
"You think I'm playing games with you?" He screams, grabbing you and shoving you up against the back wall. Your body slams back against the solid surface, and he gets up in your face, nose pressed into yours. "You think I'm playing games? You think this is some fucking joke to me? You have no idea what I feel when I look at you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can’t fucking think without you taking over every single last FUCKING one of my thoughts. I've never..!” His voice catches, and his breathing picks up so much that he sounds like he's hyperventilating. "I've never needed someone like this."
You gasp out loud, heart doing a little jump at his words. You dont know if you're confused or nervous or flustered, but he's starting to panic all over again, like he didn't mean to say that. Not in the way he did, at least.
Rafe stares at you like he’s just realized what he said. Like the words ripped out of him before he could pull them back. His eyes are huge, chest rising and falling fast.
“You need me?” you say, and your voice comes out soft. Disbelieving.
His lips part, and he nods, just once. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I need you so fucking much I think it's killing me. And I know I act like an asshole, I know I say shit I don't mean, but when you slammed that door in my face I thought I was gonna lose my goddamn mind." His voice breaks at the edges again, cracking away. "And then I saw you laughing with someone else and I wanted to kill him. I couldn't take it. You're supposed to smile at me. Only me."
You're quiet for a beat, not knowing what to say. You know you should be more angry and hold your ground, but he's looking at you so desperately. Like always. He squeezes your shoulders and looks intently into your eyes. "I didn’t touch her," he says again, voice barely above a whisper. "I...I-I didn't kiss her, didn't want her. She was just...there. I didn't even look at her. I was looking for you."
Your heart pounds and he comes closer to you, needing a response. Your reaction is difficult to read for him, filling him with uncertainty. He knows you probably don't feel the same towards him, and it crushes him. The silence between you stretches long enough to make him nauseous. But then you ask, in a quiet little voice, "Tell me again."
His brows furrow. "What?"
"That you need me."
He steps in again, and this time his hand comes up, shaking slightly, to brush your cheek. "I need you," he says, firmer now. "I w-want and need you so bad it makes me do stupid shit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby, I just... fuck-" He trails off by attaching his lips onto yours to show you how bad he needs you, lips slotting over yours as he moans at your taste. His hands slide up under your shirt like he has to feel your skin, making their way to your bra, which he lifts up over your breasts to squeeze the soft mounds under your shirt.
You whimper softly against his mouth at the suddenness of it, the heat of his palms rough and eager as they mold over you, and that sound makes Rafe groan from somewhere deep in his chest, kissing you harder and messier. He tastes faintly of mint.
"Missed you," he slurs into your mouth, thumbing over your nipples with clumsy desperation, like he's trying to memorize the shape of you through touch alone. His forehead knocks against yours as he breathes you in, the two of you barely able to catch a breath between kisses.
You jolt, moaning and halfheartedly pushing at his chest, but he pinches your nipple as a punishment, needing you against him. "Mnh! Rafe, we shouldn't," you gasp when his mouth moves to your neck, trailing open mouthed kisses over your pulse, and you feel him nodding against you like he agrees, even though he's still doing it.
He kisses a path down your throat, dragging his nose along your skin. His hands stay under your shirt, squeezing and cupping your breasts. You feel him shudder when you don't push him away again, when instead you tilt your head to the side, granting him more access to your neck. He groans low and desperate, hands smoothing down your waist to your hips, pulling you closer until there's not a sliver of space between your bodies.
You feel how hard he is, grinding against you with slow, needy rolls of his hips. His cock strains against his pants, pressing hotly against you through your clothes, and it makes your breath hitch in your throat.
"Fuck," Rafe hisses into your skin, voice wrecked. "Fuck, baby, please..." He presses his forehead against your shoulder, panting, grinding his hips against yours again like he physically can't help himself. "Want you so bad. Been losin' my mind thinking about you, can't stop." His hands grab at your hips, your ass, trying to feel everything he can at once, desperate and frantic.
He pulls back enough to catch your face in both hands, making you look him in the eye. His pupils are blown wide, hair a mess, chest heaving. "Tell me you want it," he says, low and rough. "Tell me you want me, angel. Please." His thumbs stroke your jaw.
You blink up at him, chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. You don't say anything at first, and that moment of silence just makes him even crazier, and he lets out a broken noise, grinding against you harder, hips stuttering like he's about to lose it just from this.
"Say it," he begs again, voice breaking. "Say you want me."
You finally oblige with a little nod, head spinning. "I-I want you, Rafe. I want it..."
The second the words leave your lips, it's like something inside him snaps. "Fuck," Rafe groans, diving back in to kiss you feverishly, his hands already fumbling at the hem of your shirt, yanking it up over your head. He's frantic, crazed, muttering under his breath: "so pretty, so fucking pretty", as he tosses your shirt somewhere behind him. His hands are everywhere, roaming your skin like he's starving, like he’s trying to devour every inch of you.
He makes quick work of your bra, practically ripping it off and letting it fall to the floor. His mouth drops open when he gets a look at you and he immediately ducks his head, mouthing hotly at the tops of your breasts, whining against your plush tits, moaning at the taste.
His hands can't decide where to stay, cupping your breasts, sliding down your sides, gripping your hips, your ass, he's frantic like he's scared you'll disappear if he lets go even for a second. His mouth trails desperate, sloppy kisses down your chest, tongue flicking out to circle one nipple before sucking it into his mouth with a greedy groan, like he needs it to breathe.
Your fingers find his hair without thinking, threading through the soft strands, and he moans into your skin at the contact, bucking his hips into you harder, unable to stop himself.
He ruts against you like he's in heat, hips grinding up into yours in slow, messy rolls as his cock strains painfully against the fabric of his shorts. Every desperate push of his hips presses his hard length right up against your core, and you feel the heat of him even through all the layers between you.
"Fuck," Rafe gasps, drooling on your tits. His hips jerk forward harder, and the friction makes you both groan. He drags his mouth up your chest, laving his tongue over your breasts and sucking hickeys onto your cleavage, all while rutting against you like he's trying to get off just from the contact.
You feel him shudder, breath hot and shaky against your throat, and his hands fumble clumsily at the waistband of your shorts. "Need you," he mumbles. "Need you now."
He doesn't even try to be smooth, just yanks your shorts down your hips in a couple frantic tugs, letting them fall around your ankles, tugging your panties next. You're helping him too, panting and moaning against his face as you tug down his pants and his boxers, freeing his fat, leaking cock, flushed an angry red from built up arousal. You give pause at the sheer size of his cock, resting heavily against his tummy, looking up at him with wide, glassy eyes. "I-it's big, Rafe... " You trail off, nervous.
He shakes his head and pushes you back onto the wall and hovers over you. "It's okay, it's okay... I'll make it fit. Won't hurt my angel." He slides a hand under your thigh, lifting it so you have no choice but to let him grind against your bare pussy, the length of him dragging right along your slick folds.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he groans, rutting against you slow and messy. He's trying to savor you but can't stop how badly he wants you, and so his cock ends up slipping and sliding against you, catching between your wet, flowery folds with every other thrust. "Rafe" Your eyes flutter as you call out his name, clinging onto him. It feels so good that you're starting to leak wetness down your thighs. "You feel that?" Rafe pants, forehead pressed to yours, eyes fluttering closed as he rocks against you harder. "Feel how bad I want you? How fucking crazy you make me?"
You nod, breathless, overwhelmed, and Rafe lets out a wrecked little moan, rubbing his cock along your soaked slit again and again, like he's trying to carve the feeling into his memory forever. "Angel..." he moans out, voice loud and unrestrained. You wonder if people can hear you two inside the shack.
He continues holding onto your thigh with one hand and his cock with the other, sliding back and forth against your sopping little pussy. "I'm gonna put it inside you, okay?" He whispers, making direct eye contact with you. "Won't hurt you," he restates, voice low and sincere. You don't see how excited he is deep down to finally have you to himself. He's going to finally fuck you. Then, he's going to make you his girlfriend and never let you out of his sight again. You nod, whining softly and angling your body so he's lined up completely with your pretty pussy.
When the tip notches in your tight hole, you cry out at the intrusion, tears sparking in your wide eyes with the discomfort of having something so big beginning to fill you, so he presses his forehead against yours and coos softly, stroking your hair. "I got you, I got you. Shh... almost halfway," he uses the phrase to coax you, even though he's only got his bulbous head and an inch of his length in you. By the time it's really halfway, you can't take anymore and push on his shoulders. "Rafe! 'm too full, I can't..."
"You can, see? Look at me, look." He cups your cheek, nodding to you and slowly thrusting in and out to get you accommodated, nearly bottoming out entirely. Then, he shoves and stretches you out inch by inch, kissing you deeply to keep you distracted, and he feels you squirming and whining loudly as he gets deeper and deeper, and then he feels the wet squelch of his pelvis against your pussy, and he knows he's filled you up all the way.
You're so goddamn tight, and he lets out a low, drawn out moan. He looks down at where his cock disappears into your stretched out, dripping cunt. He can't believe he actually managed to fit the whole fucking thing inside you. Your little pussy is so goddamn tight, gripping him like a vice now that he's buried to the hilt inside you. Your thighs are trembling, and your back's arched off the wall because of the fullness of him inside you.
Rafe grunts as he slowly starts to thrust, his hips jerking forward to spear his rigid length deeper into your pliant body. Your slick walls flutter around him, trying desperately to accommodate the thick girth stretching you out. The way you feel is incredible, your pussy gripping him like you never want to let him go.
"That's it," he grunts, his voice rough and gravelly with arousal. "Angel, shit... your pussy was made for my cock." He starts thrusting faster, driving into you with more force as he enjoys the way your tits bounce with each snap of his hips. You're barely holding yourself up, legs quivering as he spears into you and angles you so he can hit every sweet spot in your warm, gummy pussy.
The thick length of his cock, pulsing and throbbing, spears into your soaked, gripping walls over and over again. He slams into you and grinds his pelvis against yours, his heavy cock burying to the hilt with each thrust inside your flutter walls. "Feels so good, Rafe," You whines softly, panting into his ear. Your praise fuels him and encourages him to fuck you harder, better. He rolls his hips against yours, stirring his huge length around in your stuffed hole.
Rafe fucks into you deep and you can feel him in your stomach, stretching you out, claiming every inch of your body. He's fucking you like he wants to fucking destroy your pussy and rebuild it to be a perfect mold of his cock. "Mhm? Feels good?" He pants, fucking into your cunt and grabbing your jaw with his free hand so he can see your cute, fucked out expression.
"You feel so good. So fucking good...only for me, right?" He demands, wanting your reassurance, and you nod, throwing your head back and moaning when he bumps against a really sensitive spot way too deep inside you.
He grits his teeth, sweat dripping from his forehead, his whole body working just to keep himself from cumming too fast because you're squeezing the life out of him. "You're fuckin' mine," he rasps against your cheek, thrusts getting sharper, rougher, more desperate.
His cock drives deep, grinding right against that sensitive spot again and again until you’re crying out for him, fingernails digging into his shoulders, your eyes glossy with unshed tears. "Say it," he breathes, grinding his hips up into you so deep you swear you can feel him in your ribs. "Tell me you're mine, angel."
"M'yours," you mewl helplessly, clinging onto him, and Rafe groans louder. He keeps pounding into you with a rough, messy pace, dragging his cock against every sensitive spot inside you. Your pussy clamps down harder around him, spasming, and Rafe lets out a wrecked moan, feeling you start to fall apart around him.
"Shit, gonna cum, angel. Gonna cum inside you so everyone knows who you belong to," he says, thrusts getting sloppier as his balls hit your ass slow and lazy, and he moans, eyes fluttering shut as he spills inside you, heavy, thick cream filling you completely. He doesn't stop until every last drop is buried inside you, and even then, he's still thrusting all rough all slow so you feel every ridge and vein on his heavy cock as he pumps you full. He won't stop till you cum too, and he rolls two fingers over your hardened clit, licking up your throat until he gets to your lips, and slides his tongue over yours.
One last bump of his fat cockhead on your womb has the coil in your tummy snapping, and with a loud moan, you cum all over his cock, splurting pearlescent juices on his cum covered cock. He groans, feeling his cock twitch inside you as you squeeze him impossibly tighter while you cum.
His eyes are glassy as he looks at you, lips parted, and he's still buried deep inside your pussy and holding your jaw, but his voice is gone. During the silence, you notice a flicker in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate as his eyes bore into yours. His mouth keeps opening and closing, making it clear he wants to tell you something.
He wants to say he loves you.
But he doesn't.
He pulls out, making sure your panties and shorts are on as he pulls out, letting his cum slip out of your pussy and rest in your clothes. He grins at the mess between your thighs, wiping off any residue to ensure that it isn't too obvious that you've got his load in you. He kisses your forehead and grins through low eyes, nuzzling your forehead. "Keep it in so you've got a part of me in you all through the rest of this fucking party."
rafe who only ever seems to love you when he's drunk. sober, he's distant, distracted. always looking over your shoulder instead of at you, eyes never meeting yours as if he's scared of something. his texts are dry, kisses are rushed.
sometimes it feels like you're dating the ghost of someone who doesn't actually want to be there but give him enough whiskey and suddenly you're the center of his entire universe.
drunk!rafe who calls you at two in the morning just to hear your voice. "where are you?"
"home."
"stay there."
"rafe —"
"i'm comin' to you."
and twenty minutes later he's knocking on your door with flushed cheeks, messy hair, and that stupid, lopsided smile that only ever comes out when he's had too much to drink.
drunk!rafe who suddenly can't keep his hands off you. he's wrapped around you on the couch, resting his head in your lap, kissing your knuckles, tracing your face like he's afraid he'll forget it. "you're so pretty."
"rafe..."
"have i ever told you that?"
that's the cruel part. because no. not sober, he hasn't.
drunk!rafe who becomes so unbearably affectionate it almost feels like you're dating a completely different man. "come here."
"i am here." you say softly.
"closer."
no distance is ever close enough. he's always pulling you into his lap. always hiding his face in your neck. always mumbling little confessions against your skin that you can't physically bear to hear because you don't know if any of them are true.
"i miss you."
"you saw me this morning."
"still missed you."
your heart breaks every single time. this version of him feels so easy to love. this version actually lets himself love you back.
drunk!rafe who whispers every feeling he's too afraid to admit sober. "don't leave me."
"i'm not going anywhere."
"promise?"
"i promise."
"you're... you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
you cling to those words for weeks. by morning he'll barely remember saying them.
sober!rafe who wakes up with a headache and absolutely no memory of the way he spent an hour telling you how beautiful you are. he just walks into the kitchen, pours himself coffee, mumbles a quiet "mornin'. like the man who cried into your shoulder six hours ago never existed.
you wish with your heart he'd never say anything at all.
—
rafe who notices you're becoming quieter. you stop asking him for affection. stop reaching for his hand first. stop expecting anything from him unless there's a bottle on the counter.
he can't understand why. in his mind, nothing's changed. he doesn't comprehend why you're withdrawing, and it scares him shitless. and yet in yours, everything has.
reader who starts dreading the mornings. every tender night is followed by another emotionally empty day. it's like falling in love over and over with someone who disappears at sunrise.
one night he's drunk enough to cup your face with both hands and say, "i love you."
just like that. no hesitation. no walls. the words you've spent months aching to hear, in completely the wrong motion that you have no other option but to cry.
he smiles and kisses your forehead. "why're you cryin', sweetheart?"
"because i've wanted you to say that for so long."
"well... i mean it."
you believe him. only in that moment, he does.
—
the next afternoon you're sitting together in silence when you quietly ask, "do you rememberwhat you told me last night?"
rafe looks up from his phone. "what'd i say?"
your stomach sinks. "nothing."
you let the conversation die right there. hearing "i don't remember" would hurt more than pretending it never happened.
rafe who eventually realizes the pattern only when he finds one of your journals left open by accident on a morning that he wakes up to that's void of you.
one line catches his eye.
i wish the sober version of him loved me half as much as the drunk one pretends to.
he reads it once.
then again. for the first time, he sees himself through your eyes. not as a man who struggles to express his feelings but as someone who's taught the person he loves to wait for him to be intoxicated before expecting tenderness.
he can't decide which realization hurts more: that he does love you.
or that you've stopped believing you'll ever receive that love from the version of him that's actually awake enough to choose it.
— rafe thought he was learning to forget dark!female!kook!reader. but that night, she let him stay by her side, leaving behind even more things they never said.
⛤a/n: caught myself thinking that this part reminds me a lot of the pre-cocoa scene party in season 2 of skam (norway). If you know, you know. and in general, the relationship and dynamics of the rafe and dark!female!kook!reader are kind of similar to my favorite noorhelm. if you havent seen this show, you definitely should!! its so good
for the first time in several months at a party, rafe wasnt looking for you. he wasnt studying the hidden corners with his eyes, wondering which of them you might be hiding in, wasnt scanning the room for the familiar female face that had already been engraved into his retina, wasnt thinking that the only thing he wanted was to have the ability to be near you, to watch not from the corner of his eye, but closely, the way no one but him would ever be allowed to. and right now, that was almost true.
after you had harshly, but very clearly, exactly as he needed, pointed out his careless attitude toward ivy and her feelings, he tried to pay more attention to it. of course, it still wasnt hope for something more, something she might have wanted — at least that was the meaning he attached to it — but he tried not to ignore her and to be a little gentler with something he didnt understand. an invitation to the party not at the very beginning, but among the first ten, a new drink, but not for her personally, rather for the whole group standing nearby, a half-engaged conversation, but only after she initiated it herself. he noticed the changes in her around him, the way she began to shine brighter than usual, which sometimes made him feel completely ashamed and embarrassed. he felt that he had treated her terribly, giving her false hope for something he might never be able to offer. but he tried. especially since he decided to spend less time with you, hoping to get used to living without you, like getting rid of the worst addiction he had. he wanted to find joy in something else. maybe even in someone else.
yes, he felt that the day when you last saw each other on the dock had changed something in your relationship completely and irrevocably. your eyes had whispered that to him, the ones that had become… different back then. it was difficult to explain what had happened to them after he walked you to the fence of their estate. it was impossible not to notice, as if shadows had been added to a painting hanging in a bedroom. you were no longer the same person everyone was used to seeing. it had become deeper, but it was still missing the highlights and reflections in a way that was impossible to describe. and this absence ached and burned — as if he, lying on his deathbed, had only been allowed to taste a little of the life-giving nectar before it was taken away, leaving him to wither again.
therefore, having failed to find divine salvation, rafe tried terribly to create it himself, choosing methods that werent the healthiest, but at least it was something. if a few weeks before he had filled all his time with work, now it was endless communication with people who were usually called friends and acquaintances. their unstoppable conversations sometimes made his head ache, but at least they didnt allow his thoughts to circle around one specific image that had become an unhealthy obsession.
and, once again, when he thought that he was beginning to move on, to cope, to grow accustomed to being without you, you appeared in front of him like a test. but the worst part wasnt the fact that you kept appearing, but that he couldnt blame you for it. not only because you simply knew nothing about this battle between his common sense and his obsession, but also because it was you — the one who called, attracted, drew him in, while doing absolutely nothing yourself.
and when rafe saw you today not far from him, completely lost, worried and, it seemed, even searching for someone, something familiar tightened painfully in his chest. thoughts had truly begun to run through his head so boldly — thoughts that he was starting to forget you, that without your silhouette appearing in his peripheral vision he was getting better, that he was beginning to change, even if deep down he connected those changes with you. but now you were here, intoxicatingly close, and once again he felt like a broken figurine that needed glue made from bitterness protecting inner vulnerability, coldness that cared about people, and drifting cigarette smoke stopped by perfectly shaped red lipstick.
"what happened?"
he approached you almost immediately after noticing your looking around, but even then it seemed to him as though you were already close to desperation, which was why you hopelessly accepted him, not pushing him away.
"i cant find ivy."
you looked worried, which went beyond the range of emotions that had only recently been limited to ignoring and sarcasm. he wanted to calm you down, he wanted to help you without hesitation — anything, as long as you didnt have to deal with everything alone.
"she was just here." hed been talking to ivy only a couple of minutes ago, when her state of intoxication had become more obvious through her amusing smile and laughter.
and what were you like when you drank too much? had that ever happened to you, or did you control yourself even in that? rafe would like to see you like that too. you would probably be even more charming than usual. maybe only under the influence of alcohol would you let yourself go, becoming affectionate. maybe, if you ever managed to be together, you would kiss his entire face, leaving blurred burgundy marks behind that he would never allow himself to wipe away…
"i know. we were going to leave, she took my things, and i went to look for emma and sophie. and now i cant find any of them."
"did you call her?"
"no, my phone was left in the bag she took."
he pulled his phone out of his pocket, immediately going into his contacts. he didnt remember whether he had emmas and sophies numbers, but there was no reason to doubt that he had ivys. nevertheless, the call didnt lead to anything either.
rafe saw that you couldnt find a place for yourself, looking around, still hoping to notice your friends faces in the crowd. your worried expression, so unlike you, made him uncomfortable as well. you — as someone rational, grounded, and self-aware — couldnt be worried without a reason.
"everything will be okay, im sure." he doubted that his empty words could actually help you, so he tried to turn them into actions.
within a couple of minutes, while he asked his friends to search for ivy in the more distant areas of the house, he managed to bother a dozen people before finally getting emmas and sophies contacts from one of them. during all this time, you never took your eyes off what was happening around rafe, hoping not to miss anything.
when a familiar female voice finally answered on the other end, and he handed the phone to you, you audibly exhaled, relaxing the grip of the arm wrapped around your stomach.
"emma, tell me ivys with you." after hearing her friends response, you noticeably straightened your shoulders, becoming more relaxed. he was very glad to see you in this changed state, no longer being one step away from a breakdown. "and sophie? okay. ivy mustve taken my bag. no, its fine, ivys getting sick in the car. take her home, ill pick everything up tomorrow." a warm smile stretched across your lips, the kindest and most sincere of all the ones hed ever been allowed to see on you. watching the way you spoke to emma, he thought only about how much he wanted that one day he could wake up beside you, somewhere in a quiet nothingness, where nothing from your impossible real life could disturb you, and when you opened your eyes, you would smile at him exactly like that — calmly, honestly and, in his boldest dreams, in love. "yes, everythings fine. ill call him and ask to pick me up."
when you returned to him, the last trace of tenderness remained on your face, one that had been meant for someone else and that he didnt dare accept.
"is ivy okay?"
"yes, theyre going home." you handed him his phone back, the one you touched only at the very edges. you — so that you wouldnt accidentally touch the rafe you disliked, he — so that he wouldnt accidentally touch the person he didnt allow himself to touch even in his dreams. "im leaving too. thank you…" your quietly embarrassed voice seemed almost like an illusion to him. "thank you for helping." a 'thank you' from you was something he heard for the first time — so awkward, so grateful, so meaningful. it was obvious that you werent used to being indebted to anyone, and rafe didnt want to make you think you owed him something. everything he did for you was without expectation, done only because he wanted to help. because he liked you. probably even more than just liked you.
you looked up at him, which could have been taken as a goodbye, because right after that you turned around to leave.
"wait," he hurried to stop you, taking several long steps toward you and coming around in front of you. "how are you going to get home alone?"
"ill call my dad and ask him to pick me up." remembering your conversation on the dock, where you had metaphorically spoken about parents indifference toward their children, he didnt really believe that things in your situation would happen so simply, although he still tried not to give up hope.
"but you dont have a phone."
"ill ask someone." you accepted the phone rafe offered you, looking slightly surprised. "thank you."
he noticed that while talking with your friends, you hadnt moved away from him. most likely, of course, it was because of the anxiety and urgency of the situation, where there had been no time to think about the fact that he was still unpleasant to you, or that it would have made more sense to step aside because of how loud it was around you, but your tense, slightly twisted expression told him something else.
while he informed his friends that the girls had been found and that they could continue enjoying themselves, he couldnt take his eyes off you. not because he was trying to hear what your painful phone call was about, the one that irritated you so much, but because he wanted to understand something he would never have seen in you if you had met face-to-face. you were more honest, conventionally uncomfortable, more open, different — the way you appeared to those you had completely given up on.
when you returned the phone to him, you tried with all your strength not to show your true emotions.
"everything okay?"
"yeah." you seemed slightly nervous, irritated in the way you put on your jacket, but soon even that disappeared, because you immediately began walking away.
and once again he had to stop you, barely managing to restrain the forbidden, tempting touch of your wrist. he knew it would anger you, or rather, upset you even more than what you had heard during the conversation with your father. and right now he didnt want your games and sharp confrontations. he wanted you to be safe and calm. but not because your feelings were once again being ignored, and not because you had defended yourself by appropriately staying silent, but because you were genuinely okay — in a way where you didnt need to hide behind you familiar thorns just so you wouldnt be hurt again.
"is he coming to pick you up?" rafe found it very unusual, but undeniably pleasant, that you had actually stayed instead of immediately leaving.
nevertheless, it didnt change the silence that still followed you whenever you were around him. he, of course, couldnt blame you for that.
"no, ill walk."
such an outcome seemed strange, but unfortunately not surprising, as if you — and he, as the person who was practically a stranger to you — could have expected it even before the call, which was evident from your exhausted, angry expression.
"where do you live?" reluctantly and with obvious resistance, you named the street, and he mentally built the route. "its about half an hour from here.
"ill walk." you said it so simply and indifferently that rafe, with poorly hidden horror and disbelief, realized you had done this more than once.
"what are you talking about? ill drive you."
"youre drunk."
"i didnt drink today." — instead, he was met with distrustful narrowed eyes. "its true, even if you dont believe me."
"either way, he wont be home for another two hours. theres no point in waiting. its fine — ill walk. ive done it before." his worst assumptions were sadly confirmed, making him worry about you even more. if he showed that concern too strongly, you most likely wouldnt accept any help from him, mistaking worry for pity.
"i dont know who allowed you to do that before, but im not them. its just not safe. if you dont like whats happening between us — fine, but thats not a reason to walk across the entire island alone at night. if you want, i wont talk to you or ill find someone else to drive you."
rafe couldnt clearly read what was happening inside you or what managed to escape to the surface. doubt, denial, protest — all of it swarmed inside you like poisonous snakes, trying to suffocate you, but only leading you into a dead end. your eyes locked onto his: you looked at him intensely, for a long time, slowly, searching for something in him that was necessary and understandable only to you. it seemed that if he made one move to the left, when you had silently asked him to move to the right, you would immediately abandon the uncomfortable decision you were fighting with right now, losing against common sense and against everything else. but he stood still, silent, allowing you to search for whatever you needed. not resisting, not closing himself off, not interfering.
"you dont have to." your voice was uncertain, barely audible, but still strongly objecting. perhaps even to yourself.
"yes, but i want to." — quickly, thoughtlessly, naturally, honestly, flawlessly — exactly the way it should sound, exactly the way he wanted it to sound. so that you would understand.
you didnt want to agree — absolutely not. your instinctively resisting self pressed against your insides, painfully reshaping a body accustomed to isolation. it went against your principles, against your character, and yet…
"okay."
a barely noticeable, meaningless breath.
"alright. then we need to somehow spend an hour and a half. do you want to stay here or…"
"stay here."
"okay."
after that, you left without looking back at rafe, who remained standing still for some time, watching you go.
for all the necessary time, they didnt cross paths, spending it on different but not very distant sides of the house. periodically, at reasonable intervals — or slightly more often than necessary — he still watched you talking with yout acquaintances, after briefly searching for you with his eyes through the room.
he always found you, his gaze landing exactly on the familiar female silhouette. sometimes he even caught you looking at him from the corner of your eye, almost unnoticed, almost uninterested. but even those small touches of their sharp gazes made his heart give an embarrassingly obvious jump.
you silently found each other again after the hour and a half they had agreed upon.
"do you want to stay longer?"
"no, lets go." decisively, soberingly, sharply — exactly as it needed to be.
you drove in silence for a long time, you — looking with interest at the nighttime streets, letting the wind play with your hair, he — inevitably focused on the empty road. apparently, not only on it.
it was strange to realize you werr sitting beside him, especially in his car — in a place where he had thought you would never end up. and it was surprising that the only thing you brought with you was not irritation or annoyance, but silence. such a prolonged, unfamiliar new silence after all those weeks when he hadnt spent a single day alone, such a pleasant, peaceful, comfortable silence, exactly like you were in that moment.
when a message came to his phone, its sound seemed deafeningly loud to him. he unlocked the screen and opened the conversation with an unknown number.
from the photo that had arrived, rafe couldnt hold back a laugh.
"what?" you turned toward him, confused by his reaction and the possible unjustified distraction from the road.
"i think this is for you."
on the phone he handed you was a photo of the chaos among your friends, led by ivy. it was obvious that emma and sophie were trying to resist whatever their friend was attempting to do. because of that, your burgundy lips transformed into a very gentle, careful, barely noticeable smile, as if you wanted to protect rafe from your emotions, keeping them to yourself, or, if those you were replying to were nearby, allowing only them to see it.
"the girls cant get her to sleep. shes worried that she took my things and now ill get kidnapped and dismembered while im walking home." you allowed him to know only what he needed to know, as the person whose phone you were currently using. nothing that would satisfy his interest or fascination with you.
"assure them that youre okay, and i wont let any violence happen." but he was still shamefully and pleasantly willing to play along with all the games and inconveniences just to get even a small piece of openness and sincerity from you — even if it only scratched the surface.
"i will." your fingers quickly typed out several messages, no longer commenting on what was happening on the screen.
rafe continued only after you finished and returned his phone, not wanting to interrupt your conversation with those you cared about.
"i think theyre very lucky to have you as a friend." he looked at you when your confused gaze was already directed at him. "not many people would worry like that."
"i dont know what kind of friends you have, but for girls its normal to make sure nothing happened until youre safely home."
"maybe ive never had real friends." he said it laughing, unseriously, without truly thinking about it, understanding that right now he absolutely didnt want to pay attention to his own depth.
"as soon as we moved here, they immediately accepted me." your gaze fixed on the view beyond the windshield, no longer turning toward him. "i was lucky. before that, i didnt have friends either. none at all. i only had my sister."
"you have a sister?" he was undoubtedly surprised by the revelations, which in your context felt almost as intimate as nudity would have.
"yeah, an older one. she ran away from home a couple of years ago."
"because of your parents?"
"partially." you pulled one corner of your lips up, shaking your head as if you werent completely sure what had happened to her yourself. "she also met a guy, thinking he was the love of her life."
"but he wasnt?"
"no, they broke up a few months after they started living together."
"and she didnt go back home?"
"of course not." you sounded as if you had heard the most undeniable blasphemy of your life. "anyone would run away."
"would you run away?" he looked at you, once again seeing only a glimpse of you captivating profile. he was ready to lose you small mercy at any moment, to cross a line he had no right to touch with one careless question, caught between endless conversation with you and a heavy silence on the road. "if you met 'the love of your life'."
it felt unbelievably strange to rafe that you answered his sometimes impossibly shameless and bold questions. maybe you had reluctantly accepted it as payment for him driving you home. it wasnt because you wanted to share this with him or anything else, and it wasnt because you wanted him to know. you kept talking only because he kept asking. if he stopped, you would stop too. you werent trying to share your insides, turning yourself inside out, because it mattered deeply to you. it was simply unavoidable and inevitable. he was sure of that. and today you were far too polite to harshly and rightfully tell him to leave you alone with all those questions.
therefore, as tactless and impolite as it was, while he was still allowed to, he wanted to continue, wanted to understand, wanted to go deeper. until he found the point of no return that would destroy everything.
"no."
"no?"
"no. definitely not because of love. not everything has to be about love."
the car stopped in front of your house, but rafe didnt stop looking only at you. he felt hurt, painfully frustrated by a sense of cruel injustice, that life, fate, something overwhelmingly large or insignificantly small had arranged things for you in such a way that you were forced not to believe in what seemed like an almost unreachable ideal for people.
but you didnt care. just like you didnt care about many things around you, brushing them away according to the habits you had built over time.
or maybe that was what you made everyone believe. including yourself.
your eyes, which had previously been fixed on the road, now studied the glowing windows. your gaze resembled a hostile, fierce storm cloud, as if entering there meant completely surrendering.
"do you want me to come with you?"
"no, definitely not." the look you turned toward him wasnt nearly as open as the one he could see from the corner of his eye. you closed yourself off perfectly again, as you always knew how to do, leaving him with only the accessible and unshakable shell.
you got out of the car, standing there for a moment adjusting your clothes and seeming to simply prepare yourself to go inside. rafe already habitually thought that you would leave him without a word, but a little later you leaned down so they could see each other.
"thank you, rafe."
and there was something so simple, natural, beautiful about it that he couldnt take his eyes away from you. although, as if that had ever been any different. he didnt look away when you closed the door, not when you hesitated briefly by the entrance, not when you knocked, not when you stepped inside, disappearing into the light of the hallway.
he drove away from the house only a couple of minutes later, replaying in his mind the first time you had called him by his name.
Rafe Cameron was the biggest asshole you knew . He was a pain in the ass, always getting under your skin, it was on purpose, you knew that. You moved to Charlotte , North Carolina for a fresh start, the last thing you expected was another rich privileged asshole to linger in your life. Rafe Cameron was a lot of things, spoiled, cocky, rude and extremely utterly hot.
His dad owned the Red Light, a club just in downtown Charlotte. I have no idea why he's working for him, my best guest is that his dad either punished him here, or he's looking after the place. You may be asking "if he's your coworker, why don't you ask him?" Well, thats where his best quality answers your question, his cockiness. You can ask Rafe Cameron one personal question and he will immediately give you a flirtatious look, grinning ear to ear and whispering "Why? You interested in me?"
That man does not know how to differentiate small talk with pillow talk, it's infuriating, and he always does it with me. Besides his overly charming personality, Cameron surprisingly has good characteristics, when he's not being a cocky asshole, of course. He's actually quite practical, he often switches between jobs with me, letting me take waitressing for the night, usually when the club is packed, but my favorite quality of his is his gorgeous face, I do hate him don't get me wrong, but its nice to look at him, recently he's buzzed his hair off and its driving me crazy, he's a hot man ill tell you that, but these thoughts stay away from my friends, if they caught me even saying something nice about him they would send me to a mental asylum.
✮⋆˙ . bsf!rafe keeps 'accidentally' slipping inside after promising to just rub against you.
warnings — 18+ MDNI. bestfriend!reader x bsf!rafe pairing. name is self explanatory. manipulative tone & fake apologies.
cherie’s note — loosely based on this p!link.
your knees are bent, thighs open for him, trembling slightly from how real this feels — arms curled near your chest, lip caught anxiously between your teeth, breathing too fast for someone who's supposedly not having sex.
things had always been… complicated with you and rafe. secrets whispered in the dark, your body tucked into his bed more often than your own. he’d even taught you how to kiss — unforgivable, in hindsight. because now, whatever this was… it felt like the point of no return.
rafe kneels between your legs, stroking himself in slow, lazy pulls. deliberately. "just relax," he murmurs, voice low like he's talking you through something innocent. like this was something every best friend did — and you could definitely be convinced of such when it was him doing the talking. "i'm not gonna put it in. i told you."
he presses the head against your slit, sliding it up your folds, gathering the wetness along the underside of his throbbing cock. the squelch that bounces off the walls is unmistakable, a clear indicator of just how much you wanted this, despite the way your pulse raced. you jump at the first pass and he smiles — quick, hidden, gone before you even get the chance to look at him.
"how're you this worked up already?" he teases under his breath, more to himself than to you. "barely even touching you."
you squirm underneath him, embarrassed. "you're... rubbing on me..."
"mhm." he drags the swollen head down again, circling your entrance with soft precision — though his mind is anything but soft. not with you, sprawled out beneath him, eyes wide like a prey caught in a trap. his trap.
you gasp, a soft sound that shoots up his spine — and that's when he lets the tip catch you. not fully. just enough to make your body pull him in that tiny, helpless way you can't control. the thick head of his cock breaches the tightness of your cunt, and your thighs tremble slightly from the pressure.
"sorry," he breaths, pretending to pull back. "didn't mean— you're so warm, and wet. hard to aim."
you believe him immediately, like you always do, nodding. your cheeks burn, "it's okay. just... just be careful."
"i am," he promises, thumb stroking the soft skin of your knee. "i got you."
except he keeps doing it. that same slow glide, catching on you again, the head pushing just barely inside before he rocks back like it's truly accidental. each time, you make this soft, strangled sound that goes straight to his cock.
"you okay?" he murmurs.
you nod quickly, swallowing away at the nerves. "it just feels... weird."
"good weird?"
you nod again — and the way you do it, wide-eyed and trusting, makes him exhale shakily.
he strokes himself harder, a little faster, hips following the rhythm. the spongy tip of his cock keeps bumping and sliding against your slit with every pass, the feeling so dizzying you swear you could see stars. your slick coats his hand, helping the slick grip glide effortlessly against himself — makes everything sloppy and hot and impossible for him to 'aim'.
rafe swears he can lose himself in the sight of you alone. swears he'd give anything to see this everyday — you, eyes glassy and blinking slow, completely fucked-out and trembling under his guidance. so vulnerable. so trusting. pliant, too — keeping your thighs perched open enough to allow him the space he demands, without having to be asked.
you force a tiny breath out, shaky and full of shame, and he rewards you by rolling the head down again. and this time, when it catches, it sinks just a little deeper than before. enough to make your eyes fly fully open. enough to make your hips lift before you can stop yourself, telling him everything he needs to know.
he freezes. not really. just enough to pretend he's surprised.
"shit," he mutters, voice going hoarse. "that—that was deeper than i meant. m'sorry, baby."
and despite his apology, he stays there a beat too long — buried millimeters inside of your warm heat, throbbing. he pulls out slowly, letting a slick string stretch between where he’d previously pushed inside of you.
your heart jumps into your throat, "it's okay, ray," you whisper quickly, like you don't want him to feel bad. "was just an accident, right?"
