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xouru

CRESCENT CITY EXCLUSIVE CHAPTERS

Please note that English is not my first language also I re-writed it from photos so there might be some errors.

HOUSE OF SKY AND BREATH

1. Bryce & Hunt Waterstones

2. Ruhn Books-a-Million

3. Tharion Target

HOUSE OF FLAME AND SHADOW

1. Bryce & Danika Indie

2. Bryce & Hunt Barnes & Noble

3. Bryce, Nesta & Azriel Walmart

4. Ember & Randall Books-a-Million

5. Ruhn & Linda Target

The only thing i can do is make sure i live my life the way she would have wanted me to. But my God does this pain hurt....

Living While Dead

Is this what its like? To feel like im dead while still being alive? I feel like i have no air nothing in my lungs left to breathe. I dont understand why you had to leave? You left me, you abandoned me, i am all alone. It hurts to wake up to an empty house, i cant even bring myself to sit in your favorite recliner because it hurts too much. I still want to pretend like you are only on vacation like you will be coming back soon but deep down i know thats not the truth. You are gone you are with your husband now happy and care free. You get to see your mom and dad again and even your little sister too. I know you were probably lonely and missing them, but now i find myself lonely and missing you. Even in a crowded room i still feel empty.

Meme it isnt fair. It not. You were my grandma technically but you were more of a mother to me. You taught me right from wrong, you taught me how to love, how to be kind, and how to be compassionate. I wish you didnt have to leave. I wish you could be holding me and playing with my hair. I miss you. It hurts. My heart is shattered and i feel like i have nothing left to live for. You were my motivation, i always wanted to make YOU proud. I wanted you to be there for me on my wedding day, helping me get dressed and watching me walk down the isle to the man who stole my heart. But i dont get that, instead i have to place another photo up to remember you. Meme it hurts. Its an unexplained feeling. I cant even fathom the words to describe it. You were my everything. I wanted you here, I want you here.

Please never leave me, never stop watching out for me, please never forget me. I know i will never forget you, How could i forget the Woman with the heart of Gold?

Please Help.

Every awful unkind thought comes racing to my mind when days like this happen. No matter how hard i fight they come.

Should i be prettier? Should i be skinnier? Should i wear makeup all the time? Should i stop eating? What if i did all of that? Would i feel more attractive. Im told i’ll be prettier if i lose weight, is that true? Maybe if im a size 8 instead of 18 people will stop starring. Maybe then ill feel comfortable holding my boyfriend’s hand in public or going out on dates. Maybe then i wont feel like he’s embarrassed of me. Maybe then i’ll be able to picture myself in a wedding dress. Maybe then i will finally be happy....

5 years ago i was done. I didnt want to continue my life I didnt think i was strong enough. I was miserable and lonely and ready to end it all. But i wasnt done with life there were other plans in store. I guess you could say I still had and still have miles to go....

#semicolontattoo #suicide #robertfrost

The Thing That Drives Me Insane

Ugh i really hate this day. I see all these post talking about what do you get the person whos gave you everything i always give it a "like" when in reality i dont want to give her shit. I do a lot for her on a daily basis and she treats me like shit. Shes mean and evil and someone i sure as hell dont want to grow up and be like. Holidays like this hurt. I dont want to give her gifts wait on her hand and foot. It pisses me off when people say shit like oh you better treat your mom right and if i find out you dont im gonna give you a beat down. I know they are teasing, just joking, poking fun but it infuriates me so bad. I wanna turn around and say yea sure if yu want me to treat the devil like a saint. Others are so excited to give gifts and shower their moms with love. And all i want to do is buy her some stuff to keep her off my back. People spend hours picking out the perfect greeting card, i just picked out the one that leaves me the least amount of room to write. No one understands all they'll see is im an ungrateful brat, whos selfish rude and has no heart. when no the reality is your just seeing what goes on in the life and mind of a kid with a mentally ill mother.

It sucks that the one person i want to talk to i should be able to talk to i cant. Because i never know what your mood is gonna be. You could be happy or you could be mad. Its like you oscillate between two completely different worlds. One that involves peace and understanding and one full of hate and judgement. Its as if the moment i speak a dice is rolled to see what my fate will be. Which world will I find you in?

Sister, Sister

in this fucked up world shes all i ever care about. she coulda been shoulda been resting with then angels but shes not shes here shes blessed and no one will understand. thats why were close thats why i care i coulda lost her shoulda lost her. but i didnt Praise God i didnt. the thought of her not here sends ice down my spine. because if she wasnt here neither would i. i contemplate death not wanting my next breath but couldnt bear to swallow those pills or spill any blood because the realization of leaving her alone in this world was a burden i didnt want to give. God saved her for a reason and i wanted to be around to see those results.

sexemulators

I just wanna feel okay again.

Unknown (via quotethatword)

This is Perfect 😔🙌🏼💔

Dear Cancer,

Dear cancer, Why do you even exist? Why are you a thing? Why do you get to live? You steal childhoods. You steal lives in general Youre sneaky, conniving and just plain evil. You don't care how old someone is you wiggle you're way right in. You don't deserve life you deserve death by lethal injection! You take time away and disrupt families and lives. Theres a baby only the age of 1 hooked up having poisoned pumped into his little body just so he can live to see 2. Theres a young woman barely 30 walking down the street self conscious,she feels like all anyone can see is her flat chest where her breasts use to be. He was a man with a plan and a long life to live. Now his family sits and mourns, his widow unable to breathe as she says goodbye to the man of her dreams. Theres so much i want to say so much you deserve to hear! But i'll just leave you with this, Your time is coming to an end just wait and see. Theres an army coming after you. You aren't even ready. Signed , the Millions of us you've screwed

#cancer #cancersucks #writer #cancerthoughts