‘ let me just make one thing clear… i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever. ’
‘ i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing ’
‘ we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end ’
‘ i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day ’
‘ did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes. ’
‘ the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning ’
‘ petition for stars in the day time please??? ’
‘ i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick ’
‘ drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree ’
‘ the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things ’
‘ i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times ’
‘ i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason ’
‘ time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long ’
‘ honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language ’
‘ do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you? ’
‘ the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard ’
‘ i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill ’
‘ all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing ’
‘ ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self … ok ’
‘ why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’? ’
‘ anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms ’
‘ not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice ’
‘ the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression ’
‘ i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm ’
‘ what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is ’
‘ look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay ’
‘ i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself ’
‘ i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look ’
‘ haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin ’
‘ i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that. ’
‘ 80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them ’
‘ i cant believe what walkie talkies are called ’
‘ some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it ’
‘ hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe ’
‘ all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather ’
‘ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ’
‘ do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in” ’
‘ nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am ’
‘ me: queen of having had enough ’
‘ she needs a hug (i’m she) ’
‘ is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”? ’
‘ 90% of my day is me being nervous ’
‘ cons: i’m an asshole. pros: i’m your asshole. ’
‘ give me 10 reasons why i shouldn’t just turn into a slug right now ’
‘ are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch ’
‘ dear soulmate, where the fuck are you ’
‘ i’m so easily revitalized by small, loving gestures ’
‘ i dont know what im feeling but there is a lot of it ’
‘ let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me ’
‘ you ever just sit back and think like… yo… i really don’t care ’
‘ im surprised no one has ever punched me in the face ’
‘ what if mike was short for micycle ’
‘ hey fellow regular kids what’s up ’
‘ if u ever called me pretty i love you. ur pretty too ’
‘ do you ever just ‘there’s probably something medically wrong with me but i’m just gonna ignore it and hope i don’t die’? ’
‘ why did we stop building castles? i feel like humanity might live to regret that ’
‘ i’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace ’
‘ i am so glad you exist, even if you exist so far away from me ’
‘ i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation ’
‘ she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today ’
‘ 13 years of school and im still not sure if its ‘grey’ or ‘gray’ ’
‘ hope u like bad girls because i’m bad at everything ’
‘ got a problem with me? kiss me on the lips dude ’
‘ too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights ’
‘ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ’
‘ i just did a tarot reading… it said ur a bitch ’
‘ a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell ’
‘ i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably ’
‘ *in a high-pitched mocking voice* “are you okay?” what the fuck. ’
‘ how do u just….. not believe in aliens ’
‘ a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care ’
‘ “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying ’
‘ dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now ’
‘ casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing ’
‘ i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent ’
‘ i worry about you even when you say you’re fine ’
‘ i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile ’
‘ true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude ’
‘ cute date idea: be nice to me ’
‘ im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next ’
‘ me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me ’
‘ hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me ’
‘ i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours ’
‘ dark hannah montana….. show me the worst of both worlds ’
‘ someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century ’
‘ roses are red, i’m going to bed ’
‘ bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly ’
‘ they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it ’
‘ i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms ’
‘ the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain” ’
‘ lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly ’
‘ not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek ’
‘ sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu. ’
‘ not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far ’
‘ i say i love you a lot because i do ’
‘ i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead. ’
‘ low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese ’
‘ who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear ’
‘ youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss ’
‘ my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to ’
‘ the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself ’
‘ no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break… some slack… ’
‘ the best kind of alcohol is a lot ’
‘ 911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again ’
‘ having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch ’
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