Some Helpful Tips for Those New to BDSM
1. Take it SLOW - I know you are excited. You want to just jump right in and do what you saw at the movies, on television or read in a book. If you take it slow, you greatly reduce the chance of anyone getting injured or mentally scarred by what happens.
2. CONSENT - This is HUGE. I cannot stress enough the importance of have the consent of all that are involved. This means Dominants and submissives BOTH. Consent is the cornerstone of all BDSM activities and without that, it is abuse.
3. COMMUNICATION - Second only to consent, communicating your needs, desires, limits and expectations is crucial. If you cannot communicate to your Dominant what you want or cannot communicate to your submissive what you are comfortable with, you need to stop and reconsider.
4. Practice, practice, practice - Another important thing for Dominants, especially those into impact play (striking with floggers, canes and even the hand) is practice. Hit yourself with the flogger first. Understand how it feels. Learn how the same strength strike with one toy differs from another and still differs from a bare hand. This will help you understand what you are doing with your submissive.
5. Aftercare - This is crucial when conducting any sort of scene, especially those that involve impact play. This can truly stave off “sub-drop” which you can think of as a short term but often bad depression. You are responsible for your partner before, during and AFTER a scene. It doesn’t end just because you got off. Make sure your partner is alright. Warm blankets, water, cuddling, lotion on a red rear and of course tender words will go a long way here.
6. Real Life Does Not Equal Porn - I don’t care who your submissive is, one does not simply start shoving things into orifices without build-up or knowledge. I don’t care what you saw on that porn movie, you are not going from “exit only” to a 2-inch wide butt plug in a matter of seconds, nor are you sticking that industrial sized rubber dildo into a vagina that’s never known anything above “human sized”. This can lead to serious injury and potentially life-threatening situations. So, before you go crazy with the internal use toys, step back and re-read number one above.
If you follow these, your start into a BDSM life will be far better and much less harmful to you and others. Enjoy. - Ian
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