꒰ ׂ ׅ ׄ ׅ ׄ book jon snow x reader.
੭summary: the night's watch leaves for the expedition, but you stay behind, and you have one last conversation with jon before he leaves.
੭warnings: |femreader!|mention of reader with short hair|this is specifically book Jon from a clash of kings|many mentions of other characters|there's a previous part to this, but you can read this one without needing to read the other, I think, lol|.
੭a/n: Thank you all for your support on the previous fic. It felt really nice to see that some people liked it ෆ.This is short, nothing special, I did it because I was bored lol, it's almost the same as the previous one.
You feel the cold seeping into your body despite being bundled up in the night's watch gear: the gloves, the furs, everything. The cold was harsh, even worse at night, but you endured it. You had to, if you preferred being outside rather than in the comforts of the mess hall, with all the men, the noise.And sure, inside it was a bit cold too, but not as much as in the yard.But still, you preferred the yard.
When you weren't at your post serving Maester Aemon, to rest or pass the time, you preferred the yard when it was empty, the armory, the library, or any place where there weren't many people.
You walked around trying to warm your hands. Your gaze fell on a bench that stood alone in the yard, the bench they always used for training: while some fought, the others sat there waiting, waiting for their turn to be hit with a wooden sword.
You shivered a little at the memory, but also felt great relief. Thank the gods, you no longer had to go through those trainings. The men who helped the Maester had nothing to do with that.
You walked towards it, watching the snow pile on top of your boots with every step. You stopped for a moment before sitting down, checking to see if the yard was truly empty or not.But in the end, there was no one, so you sat down.
It was just: you, the biting cold, and the snow on your boots.
«Of course, everyone's inside,» you thought.
Most of the Night's Watch men were eating or drinking in the comfort of the hall. Even from there, you could still hear the noise, the laughter, the conversations, the shouts, the crude jokes.
«Everyone's inside, with their friends,» you thought. But you were alone in the yard, away from everyone.
That might have been a little disheartening, but it was for the best: the more people who saw you and paid attention to you, the greater the chance they'd discover your true gender.
It wasn't worth the risk just to socialize.
It's not that you didn't have friends, but you could count them on the fingers of one hand.
And one of them wasn't even human.
Sam was one of them; spending time together in your duties with the Maester, you'd exchanged some words and stories, and became friends quickly.
You wanted to believe the other was Jon. Although you hadn't spoken in a while due to his duties with Lord Commander Mormont, he never said anything about your secret.
You felt your cheeks burn a little; you wanted to believe it was from the cold, but you knew it wasn't.
You remembered how you'd seen him looking at you sometimes, while he thought you were distracted. It wasn't an idle look, but a protective one, as if he was always watching you, watching to make sure you stayed alive.
Even if you didn't speak, his gaze was always on you.
Once, while he was looking at you, you turned to him and gave him a small, kind smile. He just startled a little, realizing you'd caught him staring, lowered his head, and left.
You thought you saw a faint blush on his face before he looked down.
But nothing more. That day was the last time you saw him.
The following days you stayed with Maester Aemon and Sam in the tower. Until today, when Aemon convinced you and Sam to come out of your self-imposed isolation.
You shook your head, trying to snap out of your thoughts, and wondered if anyone had seen you leave, but it was unlikely. Not many noticed your presence, except to mock you.But that was the same for every man on the Wall; everyone had mocking nicknames, and you were no exception.
At least yours wasn't as horrible as Sam's. They called him Piggy, or something like that. Truth be told, you always tried to pay as little attention as possible to the nicknames they came up with.
Footsteps pulled you from your thoughts. They were soft. More than steps, they sounded like footfalls, the footfalls of an animal.
You stood up a little to look, but only saw red eyes in the shadows.You already knew who it was.
This was your third friend.
"Come out of there, Ghost," you said.
The direwolf emerged from the darkness calmly and approached you, placing his snout on your knees, as he always did.You smiled and petted his head a little, running your fingers through his soft white fur.
Most people were afraid of Ghost. You could see it on their faces whenever Jon passed by with the direwolf, but to you, he had become like a giant white dog.
You knew he was still dangerous, but he had never been aggressive with you.
And you had grown used to his presence.
Lately, he just came to your cell as if nothing else, scratched the door with his paws, came in, and lay down beside you, as if your cell and your small bed were his and you were the intruder. At first, you were a little surprised; the wolf seemed to never leave Jon's side, but over time you got used to it. Besides, he only came at night; Jon himself probably didn't know where his wolf was at that hour.
You didn't complain either. Having a bit of company didn't feel so bad. It made you feel less alone at "the end of the world," as everyone called the Wall.
You immediately thought about how much you would miss the tender but intimidating presence of the direwolf when he left.
Maybe you would miss him too.
His owner and his glances.
Lord Commander Mormont planned to leave the next morning on the "Great Ranging",to go out and settle the matter of the wildlings, of Mance Rayder, and perhaps find Benjen Stark. He had chosen over two hundred men for that. Only the old, the weak, and anything useless for going beyond the Wall would stay behind.
The Old Bear planned to take two cages of ravens to send news as they advanced. Maester Aemon was blind and too weak to ride with them, so his steward had to go in his place. You swore they were going to choose you for that, since Sam was too much of a coward, but no.
«You will stay. Someone has to take care of the tower, the old ravens, the books. Besides, you are too young to die in the forest,». the Maester had told you when you asked.
Aemon knew. The old blind Maester knew everything, as always. And he had saved your life without you asking for anything.You wanted to ask him if Sam wasn't just as young to die in the forest, but you didn't, you just nodded.
You didn't envy Samwell at all; the ranging wasn't going to be any fun, and everyone knew it. Maybe you were saving yourself from many weeks of suffering, cold, and hunger.
"You shouldn't be out here. You'll freeze," a low voice spoke, breaking the silence.You startled a little hearing it; you were so lost in thought you didn't hear his steps.
Jon was in front of you, his hair a little tousled by the Wall's wind. His gaze wavered between you and Ghost, who was lying at your feet.
"And shouldn't you be at dinner?" you asked.
"I already ate," he said, his gaze returning to the wolf. "Besides, I was looking for him," he added, pointing at the direwolf. The wolf didn't move his head but perked up his ears as he looked at him.
Jon wasn't really looking for the direwolf. He just wanted an excuse to talk to you, to say goodbye before he left.
Before arriving there, he had "coincidentally" passed by the library and the armory to "coincidentally" run into you. In the end, he found you in the yard.He knew you loved hiding in those places; he had seen you.
He was always watching you, actually. At first, he thought it was out of curiosity, but then his gaze would drift towards you for no reason. Even though there were other people on the Wall to look at out of "curiosity," his gaze always seemed to seek you out.
He had even noticed that your hair was growing. He thought that maybe you would look pretty with long hair, like a girl, and not like a boy who looked like the person who hated him most in the world had cut his hair.
That was what he was thinking when you caught him staring.
He knew it was wrong. He had taken vows. The Night's Watch vows before the old gods: he had promised to take no wife, father no children, hold no lands, wear no crown. But none of those vows could deny that he got a little nervous sometimes when he saw you, or when he was near you.
But he couldn't do anything.
He was a man of the Night's Watch, and he couldn't afford to feel any of that.
Jon was also surprised to see the wolf's presence there."Does he always come here?" he asked you.
"Well, not here... to my cell, he comes at night, sometimes."
"I thought he spent the nights hunting in the forest. But it seems he prefers your company lately," Jon said; his voice was low, almost a whisper.
The cold night air blew between them, lifting a few snowflakes. You shifted uncomfortably on the bench, feeling your cheeks burn a little more, and this time you couldn't blame the Wall's wind.
You were thankful that the night's darkness might hide your blush.
"He's good company. Keeps the cold away. The only bad thing is he doesn't talk," you said.
He nodded, saying nothing. His gaze swept around the yard for a moment, as if he too was checking that no one was there. He was silent for a moment. He took a couple of slow steps toward the bench, his hands resting on the pommel of his sword.
Jon looked at the empty space next to you on the bench, hesitating for a fraction of a second.
"Of course," you answered, shifting over a little.Jon sat down. The wooden bench creaked slightly under his weight. Being so close, you could smell the scent of leather, iron, and that clean cold he always seemed to carry with him from outside. Ghost didn't even move; he just let out a heavy sigh, content to have the two of you together.
"I heard about tomorrow's expedition," you spoke first, breaking the silence before it became too thick. "Maester Aemon told me I would be staying to take care of the library and the old ravens."
Jon nodded, keeping his eyes forward, watching the distant torches of the yard flicker in the wind. The light reflected on his face, making his grey eyes look more melancholic, deeper.
Stark eyes, as hard as the cold itself.
"It's for the best," he said, his voice sounding firmer, almost commanding, as if trying to convince himself. "Beyond the Wall is no place for..." He stopped just in time, remembering where he was. Even though they were alone, he couldn't risk saying it there. "... for someone who's barely learning to survive here," Jon corrected.
"And Sam?" you asked, feeling a pang of guilt for your friend."He doesn't know how to fight either. He's scared of his own shadow. Why does the Old Bear take him and leave me?"
Jon turned his head to look at you. The torchlight reflected in his eyes, showing you a mix of resolve and a hidden relief he couldn't disguise.
"Because Sam can read maps and take care of the messenger ravens as well as you can, but Maester Aemon only needs one helper here. And I..." Jon swallowed, clenching his gloved fists on his knees. "I asked the Maester to leave you."
"You asked him?" You were a little surprised, but it wasn't really news. You already knew that Jon had asked Maester Aemon to take you into his service before. Why would this time be different?
"Sam is strong in his own way, even if he doesn't know it. He'll endure the ride," Jon explained, hurrying to justify himself, his cheeks slightly tinged with red. "But you... if you went out there, you'd have to share tents with three or four men every night. You'd have to bathe in freezing rivers with the others. Sooner or later, someone would have noticed. Someone other than me. And the men of the Watch... not all of them are honorable."
The honesty of his words hit you in the chest. It wasn't just that he considered you weak; he was protecting you from the brutality of the men you shared the Wall with. He was protecting your secret, your life, and your body.
"Jon..." you murmured, not knowing what to say.
"I didn't want you to go," he confessed finally, abandoning his rigid tone. His voice dropped so low it was barely a whisper the wind could almost carry away; it seemed like he was talking more to himself than to you.
"We leave at dawn. We don't know when we'll be back. Or if we'll come back at all," he said.
You didn't know what to answer. You were afraid to even think about the fact that they probably wouldn't come back, or that most of them wouldn't.
But you prayed it wouldn't be that way.
On an impulse you couldn't stop, you reached out your gloved hand and placed it over his. Jon tensed for a second, just like the day you had tended to his hand in the Maester's chambers, but he didn't pull away. On the contrary, he turned his hand so that your fingers intertwined with his, squeezing them gently. Through the layers of leather and wool, you could barely feel the real warmth of his skin, but the pressure of his grip was all they needed.
"Come back," you told him, looking him straight in the eyes. "You have to come back, Jon, you and Sam. You have to come back alive. I hate the idea of spending my whole life alone on this depressing Wall," you confessed.
A small smile, the first of the night, appeared on Jon's lips. It was a sad smile, but full of a silent promise.
"I'll come back," he promised, squeezing your hand a little tighter. "We'll come back. I swear it by the Old Gods."
You didn't know what to say, but you smiled back at him, a slight, small smile, just like his.
You stayed there, in the dim light of the yard, alone, with the torches casting faint light. With your hands intertwined.
Jon had only come to say goodbye at first, but it was the last thing he actually wanted to do.
a/n:I don't know why I put 'goodbyes' when there isn't one at any point, but lol, I don't know how to title things
if there are any mistakes or anything like that, English isn't my first language, plus I'm new to writing. Any advice is welcome, and I would really appreciate it.
I already have the requests tab open, just in case.You can also write anonymously!
I hope you liked it,byeෆ.
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