A Note to Taylor for Her Birthday
I know I’m a day late in writing this note. Actually, if we’re being honest, I’m about 318 days late to writing this. I’ve been wanting to get these thoughts down since I first saw Miss Americana back in January. But, work got in the way, and then I got the flu, and then we, ya know, had a global pandemic and all.
To be perfectly honest, the chances that @taylorswift actually sees this are pretty slim. I hope somehow she does. But it’s also just as much for me as it is for her. So here we go.Â
Dear Taylor,Â
First, let’s get this out of the way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It’s almost as exciting as your golden birthday since it’s your golden birthday backwards. Turning 31 is weird right? I thought it was going to be harder than 30, but as a fellow 1989 baby I can attest that it felt a lot better than 30. I felt a lot more at peace with it, even in the midst of essentially losing a year to a pandemic. Ok, you didn’t really lose a year you made TWO amazing albums, but I essentially wore sweatpants and ate ice cream all year, so let’s just say one of use was a little more productive.Â
Second, thank you so much for being a constant in my life for the past 14 years. I could literally never thank you enough for the ways in which your music has spoken to me, has saved me. I know I speak on behalf of swifties all over the world when I say this. I truly don’t know where I would be without your music.
Third, the thing that sparked this note were some words you shared in Miss Americana. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since I saw the movie, and I thought, for what it’s worth, it might be nice to know that other people relate. The words were this: "We do exist in this society where women in entertainment are discarded in an elephant graveyard by the time they're 35,as I'm reaching 30, I'm like, I want to work really hard while society is still tolerating me being successful.”Â
I literally have not stopped thinking about this since I first watched the documentary. Even as someone who is not in the entertainment industry, it’s just so incredibly relatable. I think women all over the world feel this in some sense, and it’s not something we really talk about. When I first heard you say it in Miss Americana, it really struck a chord. At that time, I would have never known what this year was going to look like, but as we’ve spent days and days locked in our homes, limiting our social contact, not going into work, it has rung even truer than I thought back then.Â
There are so many time-related pressures for women that men don’t have to face. Let’s start with the obvious, if we want kids we very literally have a physical timeline. If we want kids AND a career, we have to meet certain milestones to make sure our career is secure and grown by the time we head out on that first maternity leave. Sure, there are legalities in place for this, but let’s be honest about how minimal those are in the United States. Our jobs may be protected for a whopping 3 months, but there are often inherent advantages that go to men or women without children. Sure we’re no longer at a point in time where you can ONLY have one or the other, but the reality is that we’re often forced to choose between children and a successful and long career.Â
Careers and children aside, it’s fascinating in general to just watch the pressures women have to endure to be respected. We must be in shape, not get grey hair, spend hours on skincare routines each night so we don’t show a trace of age. Why is this?Â
And generally, even for men, there’s just this insane attitude that life ends at 30. I constantly see things online about how you have to live up your 20s because they’re the best decade of your life, and how your 20s should be for finding yourself, and so on. Maybe I’m just feeling extra sensitive lately because I’m 31, or because I feel like I’ve lost a year of being “young and carefree” to the pandemic, but lately I find myself watching an older movie and calculating how old the actor was when they starred in that movie that launched their career. Or I find myself wondering when an author had their first book published (this is a career I’m working toward) and comparing myself to them. Worrying that at 31 without a book finished, I’ll never get that opportunity. Sometimes, even as much as I love it and play for the sheer joy, I find myself wanting to put down my guitar because I didn’t start playing until I was 25 and now it’s too late to do anything with it. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why isn’t it normal to write a debut album at 45, or pick up a new instrument or hobby in your 50s. Why do we have to choose between family and things that bring us fulfillment?Â
I guess what I’m getting at is you’re not alone. As a household name with tons and tons of success, and plenty of friends and family to reassure you, I imagine you know this in some way. But I also thought maybe it’d be good to hear it from someone your age who leads a super regular life in a super regular town. It’s always nice to relate. And again, if we’re being honest, I think I needed to type out all these frustrations for my own outlet.Â
So, on this 31st (and one day) birthday of yours, I hope you remember that you’re not alone. As I said before, we don’t speak about it much (hey we should change this!), but I think women all across the world can relate to it. Please keep trying new things and leading by example. Please keep shattering records, and doing things that make you happy. There are so many of us out there that look up to you for this. We need you, and we’ll tolerate you being successful for as long as you want. Thank you again for all you do!
Sincerely,
Adair Brown
@taylornation feel free to share with @taylorswift
