I have lived a life putting everything I got into love.
Despite all the people saying I was going to grow up to be 1 of the worst monsters in the history from a very young age.
Iv spent my whole life trying to prove everyone wrong.
That that will never be my legacy...
At 15 years old i made a vow of non violence.
And I'm not perfect but I've kept my vow till December of 2023. When I was forced to defend myself with chest bumps to get my now x off me.
This life has thrown everything at me to trip me up and make me slip. But I always found a way to solve conflicts with out getting physical.
I admit when I'm put in a bad spot I can be very verbal. But through thick and thin I was the guy friends can depend on to help defuse and work out problems.
This is the true man I have become at my core ....
Deeply in my heart and soul no matter how much I fight it. Or how much it destroys my life.
I'm drawn to helping people.
But yet I never received any of that love back....
1 relationship after another they trump the last on how low they can treat me then spit me out.
From love. Friends and family. It's all the same. And in 20 years it will all be the same but with different people.
From all the abuse I take. And all the shit I eat for trying to pursue love and happiness.
And I always bounce back. I always hold on to the best parts of me.
But this live is killing me more and more with every dirty jab live deals me.
I can't do it anymore. The love everyone and all that guru stuff. How can I tell the world about my views on love and life.
When I have only had the worst parts of love in my life. Maybe y'all can't see me for me. Just a past that not who I am anymore. Or maybe you heard all about me from someone I had bad history with.
But only the few that are real enough to get to know me. Know who I am and what I'm about...
I will never apologize for my past ever again y'all can get over it or be gone. Like all the fakes that fell out my life already...
I expect that there is no love out there with the capacity to love me. And so I fold on that to.
And as for my need to help people is at a all time low.
Iv faced to much death, heart break. And deformation of may name.
That that man I was is gone. Every fiber of who I was has been torn down brick by brick.
And every time I think I can't fall any further. That's when things get worse.
Life has broken me in ways I don't even understand yet. But I will get back up. I will move forward but I will never allow that other me back ever again.
He was a sucker. A duck and a Patsy.
I'm fixing my car. And getting my driver's license and I'm getting out of this town before it kills the last bit of me live hasn't yet.
If I'm worth nothing and invisible to all women I have a interest in. And all the universe has for me are broken jaded hateful people.
Then I'll find me a nice little whole in the wall spot to live out my days in peace as the hermit life is making me.
I always thought there was someone for everyone. And that everyone has there spot in the world they can thrive.
But this last 5 plus years. I can now see. Some people like me and others I know. That's just not true. And probably never was. It's a fantasy society tells us cuz it's easier then the truth
That some of us don't get to have that feeling of family.
Some of us don't get to have there own house and the financial ability to sustain it.
Some of us are betas that get robbed of everything that matters in life to us.
Some of us will never know what it's like to have someone that loves us so much they can't live with out us.
Some of us will only know the kinda friends that cut us down and take love and jobs and anything else they want from us because they are the alphs of the world and we are nobody
If you are not ready for real love friendship and family then I don't need or want you in my life.
I'm done with the lies fairy tails and smoke blown up my ass.
Time for y'all to find a new chump to crush
