Qui verra vivra @tbrenda - Tumblr Blog

naturaekos

“your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war!”

— Prince of Peace, Hillsong UNITED (via amargedom)

extramadness

different-landscapes

fix-a-h3eart-today

lowkey think about kissing you all the time

iraffiruse

labias

No matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that

danger

moan-s

luxky

Do you ever just stop and think for a moment. But I mean really STOP and think?

Here I am, doing what I've always wanted to do. I’m helping heal people. I’m going to be a nurse, and later, a nurse practitioner. Hell yeah!

I’ve met the man of my dreams, and I really do mean of my dreams. No person is perfect, I understand that, but holy shit. I prayed for every detail of the man I wanted to marry- from his hair and eye color, to his goofy laugh, to his ambitions. Here he fucking is, in love with me too. I’m so happy, and even more than that, I’m lucky.

But part of me is still lost. I mean, of course I am. My best friend died suddenly in December, my aunt has tried to kill herself twice since the beginning of 2019, and my stepfather was murdered. I just think, holy shit. God throws everything at me. E V E R Y T H I N G. It’s only April 1 and I’m carrying tons on my back of emotional damage. Where’s Kaitlin when I need her most? Why did God have to take HER out of all people?

I have no idea how to handle all of this. The pain of loss, the stress of school, the beginning of a career, and the start of my life with the one person I've always searched for. And I’m here, every day going on like I'm fine when I shouldn't be. I’m here, with no one to talk to, no one who understands, and frankly, no one who really cares. And my whole life it’s been this way. I’m not ignorant to the things God has put me through in the past. I’ve survived that along with so much else.

I wish I had someone I could just talk to, someone I could tell anything to and not be judged. So many little things bother me when the big things should be, and I don't know why. I wish I had a stranger to just listen and understand. I wish I had that. I lost my most objective friend. I lost the one who listened with no judgment.

I miss you so goddamn fucking much, KK. I wish I still had you to snap me out of my darkness. No one truly understood me like you did. I wish you could be reading this. I wish I had my best friend. I don't know how to truly go on without you.