TEA SERVICE

Chicago. She/Her. 26. I like words.

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Night noises are weird.

Cold, even.

I’m hungry for pizza.

Feels like someone is watching.

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As I get older my fingers be slipping and liking shit when I’m snooping. Like throwback posts! Ugh.

GET IT TOGETHER

[blluish]

visual representations of how intense heartbreak and loneliness feel

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I feel relief but also “we’ll see”

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I’m not here for toxic behavior. I’ve been tremendously understanding, sometimes even naive. Idk who gave anyone permission to treat me less than kind

[tea-service]

Necesito mi corazón, necesito mi compañero de vida

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Why do I automatically turn the blame onto myself?

I am NOT the problem.

If someone needs mental space, that’s okay.

For my own bruised ego/ toxic mind I wish you’d just indicate that, so maybe I’d be okay and not crying blaming myself for upsetting/disappointing.

“We don’t hangout with each other’s friends” that’s actually false lol I’ve most definitely met and mingled with his friends and he’s met mine. But also he’s weird whenever I’ve invited him out and then the visit to Alpine with his “friends” that could’ve been the opportunity but here we are.

He said no.

Which also feels contradictory to “I feel bad or w.e about only seeing you Sundays to have sex and then we go our separate ways”

You’ve participated in our dynamic being the way it is. You’ve put up this divide even more than we already deal with (distance).

So where do we go from here?

Who fucked me up?

Note to self: stop beating yourself up!

[tea-service]

I can’t help but feel shitty and bogus. Physically and emotionally. Like people are mad at me. I don’t want to be here. I chose sleep over existing. Would be nice to be coddled and squeezed by my boyfriend but he’s probably not impressed with me rn or idk. He hasn’t been talking to me much and I read into that hard.

This feeling will pass yet it feels so heavy and present rn that I can’t see past the fog

[tea-service]

This feels weird

I am trying to escape

I am sick.

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Is 5 years too long?

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I don’t want to be anything at all

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Ugh. I’m so sad here.

Sad with and without.

A lot ugly.

Tired and tired.

Sleepy eyes want to meet your sleepy eyes. Finger plucking your facial hair cause I like you, a lot.

49 miles away, I wish you would stay and hold my hair to your nose. Your nose I love the most.

The botanical sublime.

[tea-service]

This is just where my brain is at:

His failures are not mine. It is not anything I did or didn’t do that has caused him to feel this way. He is trying to figure some things out for himself at his own pace that is separate from our relationship together.

I need to remind myself that it is not my job/duty to “fix” on his behalf.

It just feels weird. Like I’m being punished and avoided. I’m needy and I’m taking it personal but this moment he’s facing has nothing to do with me and everything to do with himself and his own actions.

It is not my job/duty to fix

[tea-service]

Always feeling like trash. When/How do I find purpose in life. I never thought I’d be such a cliche. Bleh.

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But I desperately want to dress cool and in oversized / chunky tulle and gems

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I don’t know what I’m for sure doing and I’m scared.

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I really really really have a deep desire to be coddled by the one I love. I want to cry into his arms.