teacher crush blog 2.0

hi, all! used to have this sideblog and i deleted because i figured...well, i would get over it. it’s a year later and i haven’t, so lmaooo. i’m jay, she’s kay. ~20 year age difference. i’m a sophomore in college; she was one of my teachers freshman year of high school. we’re still actively in touch. i follow from charmills.

[teach3r]

i read the recommendation letter she wrote me. she sent it to me a few days ago. it was absolutely glowing.

she told me that when she writes recommendation letters for other people, she struggles to find the words because she’s already written her best letter for her best student.

god, i love her so much. i know she loves me so much, but not in the same way i do. it hurts.

[teach3r]

got a crush that isn’t a teacher!! wild

[teach3r]

i’m still in loveeeee

[teach3r]

whenever i think about her, i know i write all angsty and all pining. it makes me feel like a teenager again. she’s the only person in the world that can make me feel like im in high school again, especially because back in high school, i also pined over her. is this healthy?

[teach3r]

it’s so clear she’s insecure about her nose. she covers it up sometimes when she eats, when she laughs, when she speaks, when she’s resting. it’s like...this subconscious urge to cover it. i hate seeing it so much because i love her nose. it participates in every single unique facial expression she has, guiding her face into the correct position. i adore it and her.

[teach3r]

i’m constantly seeking her approval. i hope she’s proud of me.

[wintersongstress]

me waiting for the next hyperfixation to consume me and give me renewed inspiration and purpose in life:

[teach3r]

she offered to let me read my rec letter a couple days ago. is it rude to follow up and ask again? i just want to read it and know what she thinks of me, how she chose to present me to other people. at the same time, i’m afraid it’s not how i’ll want it to look. idk.

[hopeless-tc-and-me]

I just want to know what she thinks of me.

I don’t care what it is. Good or bad. Maybe not much at all. But I want to know. Has she ever thought of me away from classes? Has she ever once missed me? Is there something or many things she finds annoying about me? Has she ever felt a strange interest towards something I did? Does she wish she never knew me?

I’d just like to know. That’s all. Maybe knowing would give the closure I need to move on now.

[loving-tc-deactivated20210421]

Honestly, I have teachers that I don’t have a crush on (many more than I do have a crush on) that I just respect like crazy and wish them the very best life has to offer.

[teach3r]

when she finds something funny, i think it’s the cutest thing. she crinkles the skin around the bridge of her nose, her smile gets real wide, her face reddens slightly, and she always tries to hold back her laugh for a second or two before she breaks. when she breaks, her shoulders shift forward and shake a bit, and then when she stops laughing, her cute smile and the nose crinkle stay for a little bit, always indicating she’s in a good mood. i can’t believe i can elicit this reaction in her, let alone sustain it. it’s like my own slice of heaven in each of our interactions.

[teach3r]

god, every time i see her it’s like nothing else in my life matters until she’s in my view. i can’t ever believe how strong my feelings are until i see her.

[teach3r]

me: consciously stepping away from her in fear that i will end up stepping too close to her during the conversation

her: subsconsciously stepping closer to me

us, by the end of the conversation: moved from one end of the desk to the other

[teach3r]

i visited her today.

she didn’t see me at first. when she saw me, her grin was so blinding. i haven’t seen her in three months. i missed her so much, and apparently she missed me. every time i see her, i realize i was never over her. she draws me back into her orbit. the love of my fucking life right there.

it’s been five years of my feelings.

[teach3r]

i haven’t talked to her in a while. i can’t tell if my feelings have subsided or if i’m just too busy to think about it too much. idk.

[fourdrinkamy]

university is just. it’s you, your laptop and your water bottle against the world

[teach3r]

when she texts me at 1am 🥰🥰