Tech Crew Confessions

Confessions of a theatre tech and all the glorious fun times of working in theatre

[tech-crew-confessions]

My coworker keeps a white sheet of printer paper tapped to the wall and marks every time I get yelled at for something I dont control. He started it in March. We are now up to 11.

It would be funny if it wasnt actually frustrating.

[tech-crew-confessions]

So I work in the large live production, concert/sport side of tech crew, stage hand life.

I came from the small independent theater stage hand life...

Different beasts entirely, however, one is not better or more stressful than the other.

The biggest thing these two environments share

That thing, that big dangerous thing over there...hanging over your head or humming with electricity. Yeah, that!

It can and will kill you....dont touch it.

[tech-crew-confessions]

I have emotionally adopted my duckies...to the point that outside of work I am driving one to a medical appointment where they are getting a small procedure done. I fully agreed to be in the room to hold their hand because of needle fear.

I am going ABOVE and BEYOND for these kids because they are mine god damn it!

[tech-crew-confessions]

Me: " I am a gentle lady I will let the beefy people push the big heavy stage"

Also Me: *proceeds to lift a 100+lb cable up onto my shoulders and walk to it's road case because I didn't hear the tour roadie asking someone to bring the box closer for me*

Tour roadie: "gentle lady my ass"

To be fair, I didn't want to push the stage because it was an MMA rig and covered in gross things

The roadie proceeded to call me gentle lady all night but he didn't know my actual name so that's fair.

[tech-crew-confessions]

Sport production people I've worked with have abysmal COM etiquette...this is a big part of their job and they have no excuse for how bad they are

[tech-crew-confessions]

Tech QUOTES

Tech 1 over headset : "If they jump ahead in the show flow one more time. I am going to throw a chair from the booth window"

Camera op: "standing by for chair."

[tech-crew-confessions]

Production Day

Department lead: "make sure you guys are ready for rehersal!"

Every tech in the room: "when's rehersal?"

DL: "whenever the sheet says"

Tech: "where's the sheet??"

DL: *already leaving the room* "I Have no idea!"

[tech-crew-confessions]

I walked into the crew room the other day to find my youngest ducky(he's 22) pulling 5 Monster energy drinks out of his bag.

We were ONLY working an 8 hour shift.

Stage hands live off caffine but I'm concerned for his heart and the lining of his stomach.

[tech-crew-confessions]

Hello I have come back from the void to have a brief moment.

Since coming back from covid my particular department has hired a lot of youth.

I am no longer the impressionable child. Im not even the middle child... I am one of the old timers. Even more horrifying

I have become the department Mom.

Who let these kids in here and why am I so invested in their lives and making sure they succeed!

[tech-crew-confessions]

Hello my theater, stage tech, and affiliated psychos.

I am on Bluesky where I post many things

Link (here I am)

Some about theater, some doodles , some TTRPG stuff cause I am a deep nerd. Some about the fact that I decided to bring a small goblin into the world. All fun things.

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

still haven’t figured out what this one means

yeah i have no clue

[geardrops]

biblically accurate osha violation

[transxfiles]

cant talk rn obsessed over the design concept of this 2017 production of pinocchio as a stage play where pinocchio is the only character played by a human actor and the rest of the cast are portrayed as puppets ,,,

[transxfiles]

like. how insanely poetic is this . you are a boy and you are made of wood but you know so entirely that you are more than wood, you are as human as anyone made of flesh and bone and it's not your fault that you came into the world with sap running through your veins instead of blood. and your entire life you are searching the world for what it means to be human but the dramatic irony of it all is that none of them know how to be human either. you keep reaching out for humanity and they seem so big and powerful but they are just puppets of a greater design too performing for an audience you cannot see. and whether you know it or not you are more human than any of them even if they are convinced you are just wood and paint and magic. im on the floor .im losing my mind over here. gimme a second guys hold on. wait a minute guys wait a goddamn minute like. wahta a good fucking design concept. head in hands !

[tech-crew-confessions]

Things that made me lose my shit from last night's load out:

The girl with the fucking heels

The lady who chased after a tour member cause she wanted the bands vodka (no she didn't get it)

The same lady stole food and tried to steal soap from backstage

The dude taking selfies in the backstage dressing rooms then got angry at me when I told him to delete the photos

The two dudes who went into tour catering and tried to steal leftover band beer and candy

The amount of men who for some strange reason kept trying to take road cases from me no matter how many times I told them "nope I got it but there's this other thing you can do" and then just FUCKING STOOD THERE.

[tech-crew-confessions]

For those who one day wish to work in the stage tech industry

I didn't think this had to be said, but 3.5 inch heels are not appropriate for a load out.

I am fucking flabbergasted

[tech-crew-confessions]

During a particular reoccurring production, every time a coworker asks me how I am/how my day is going I tell them

"filled with murderous rage."

And thankfully they all understand. Nod their heads. And let me know they'll be nearby to help hide the bodies

I hope you all end up working in a place that has coworkers as understanding as this.

[tech-crew-confessions]

LIVE UPDATE ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT

*turns off com*

*Deep Breath in*

*aggressivly screams Into the crook of my arm*

*deep breath in*

*turns com back on*

"sure give me a minute and I can do that for you"

[tech-crew-confessions]

I would like to take this moment to thank the wonderful women who work in the office who proof read my corporate emails and make sure I don't sound like a crazy person.