...yup

Things are looking up but also down.

[technicaltryhard]

It’s hard reaching out for help. Not like that’s a new and wild statement.

I reached out to one of my oldest friends for some resources. It’s weird because we’ve know each other for so long but I don’t think I’ve really reached out like this to them. It made my cry being valnarable like that with them. Admitting that I’m broken. They are so put together and I’ve been the support in many parts of our relationship.

I can understand wanting to drown before reaching for help. It’s almost embarrassing but the bigger feeling is how much of a burden I feel like. I know my friends love me and want to be there for me but I don’t want them to have to. i never want to be the liability. I want to be the support, the one everyone can rely on but I’m breaking down.

Like a waterfall on the rocks below, my tears are eroding this rock.

… yup

[wizardarchetypes]

(guy who isnt beating the ocd voice) i know! maybe if i spend all night ruminating on something i feel guilty about until i’ve considered it from every possible angle and made myself physically ill, then i can finally forgive myself and i’ll feel better! 99% of morally abhorrent people stop self punishing right before they’re Absolved

[wizardarchetypes]

hi this tag is making me insane. OCD treatment and recovery are notoriously difficult because you have to give up all of your comforts and accommodations you've created, to actually lay the beast bare. i often say "the only way out of OCD is through" but i think this tag is far more evocative of what it actually feels like to find the strength within you to face recovery.

[technicaltryhard]

I want to change my hair.

I’ve had the same look for like 20 years now and as I’m approaching my 30s I want something more mature. I almost tried to style it differently but then I felt anxious over the thought of my family reacting to it and being perceived by them.

So much of my life has been culled and stamped down because of what I think my family will think.

I want to break free and really I’m the one holding myself back but, at least right now, I can’t shake it.

I should have moved out a lot sooner. I could have open myself up truly and become someone I’d rather be much sooner.

… yup

[technicaltryhard]

I keep working myself up over not auditioning for a show. It making me feel sick.

When I learned about it I was deciding between leaving my job that I was happier at for my old job that I wasn’t happy at but pays enough that I could live off it. Plus I was in the middle of my first show back to theatre and I thought that I couldn’t do it but now I know I could have.

I definitely have too much time on my hands now and seeing some of the people cast I would have had enough experience. But I had already convinced myself that I wasn’t skilled enough, that this stage was for the big players. It’s small city theatre. Any to everyone could do it if they tried.

The show is a fun one too but I have more selfish reasons to join as opposed to just the love of performing.

I think the bigger problem is that the fella I like is in it and in my delusion I think that this would have been my opportunity to get closer. Fast track the relationship. It’s ridiculous.

I’m captivated over the idea of this person and I’m not handling it well. I get so fixated and obsessive over these things that I get these almost stalkerish ideas and if I was less self-aware or just a bit more desperate, who knows.

I just want to be able to live with my regrets, to have less regrets, and to feel like a normal person.

A content life is not in the cards for me.

… yup

[technicaltryhard]

I wish for freedom but I pray for death.

[technicaltryhard]

I joined a local theatre group to do something with my spear time, grow community, and (on a more selfish note) find a romance partner.

Well my time is taken.

My community is sparse.

My romance is unrequited.

This musical is a lot of work. Which has been nice to be apart of something again and it’s keeping me active since I went back to a desk job.

I’m trying too hard to force community. Some of these people have been in this group for years and have performed together for tons of shows. Trying to weasel my way into the “popular” crowd makes me feel like a dumb ass kid again. Which I’m not sure I’ve ever not felt that way.

Then there is the romance. I got a crush and it’s crushing me. Some people have told me that he’s wild and implied that it might be a bad idea to pursue him. They might be right but for the wrong reason. The more I learn about him the more I see what an incredible person he truly is at his core. He got a sexy goober shell and a beautiful, thoughtful, community driven heart. He is a joy to those around him and he wrote sweet things about every single cast member to promote the show. Like took real time and effort compliments. He’s bold and confident and has a smile that just melts me.

He’s too good for me.

I’m already convincing myself that I would bring nothing to his life. Convincing myself to close the door on this. Yet I look at him and I just want to hold him close and be a different person.

I want to change but I should have changed a long time ago.

… yup

[technicaltryhard]

Why can’t I just be happy?

I take so much to heart and treat life so seriously but if I don’t take it seriously things go wrong.

I don’t know how to balance it. There was no class on this or guidebook. Nothing.

I want to release my inhibitions and be confident in a crowd of people. I want to be a good conversationalist but I’m not.

I want so much in my life that take time to develop but it’s things that should have been developed by now.

… yup.

[technicaltryhard]

I found an old scratch book from university and just realize that university was now ten years ago.

I have achieved nothing with my graphic design diploma. In fact, I’m not even in an industry close to it. I designed something the other day and felt so good making it. I know that’s what I’d want to pursue but I don’t have the skill or tenacity to achieve it. Especially in the city I live in.

I’ve considered moving to a bigger city but I’d be giving up what little I have here and I don’t know if I’m able to do that.

My family want to further my training in the industry I’m currently in (not design) which would be better pay but shit hours and be unfulfilling.

I thought life was supposed to work itself out at some point. Seems to work out fine for the other people in my family. So why not me?

… yup

[technicaltryhard]

Like what did I do in a past life or what witch did I piss off to have me writhing in my own personal hell.

The answer is me. I’m the problem. I don’t have any drive to improve or make my life better because it feels pointless.

I am destined for a life of nothing. Suffering in my own mediocrity.

I was disillusioned by the prospect of what could be and not what was possible.

When I was younger I thought my life could be anything. Forever waiting for things to get better after I leave the previous stage. “Things will be better after elementary school”, “things will fall into place after high school”, “after university, I’ll be able to get my life started”. I’m almost thirty and it shouldn’t feel like my life is over but I’ve put pressures on myself since just about all of my family members had careers and family’s before they were my age.

I just thought things were going to work out and I’d learn how to take charge of my life.

But it feels too late and I am alone.

I’ve failed myself, my family, my dreams.

I’ve just failed.

[technicaltryhard]

I’m coming up on a year of having no job again.

A family member got me an interview in a different field. This one has nothing related to the career I was pursuing, it’s a shit position, and significantly less money. I’m having a hard time accepting this but I can’t be choosy anymore and clearly I’m not good enough for anything else.

I am a failure.

Every choice I make is the wrong one.

I didn’t want my life to be like this, especially by this point but some of us just deserve it.

… yup

[respectissexy]

I love Brennan's commitment to reminding you that he was hideously bullied for being a fucking weird nerd, ESPECIALLY when you're watching content about how outrageously successful and beloved he is now for being a fucking weird nerd.

Dita Von Teese was so right, you really can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches. And depending on the social dynamics of your school, there may be a few high-status people who hate peaches who can bring enough people on board to make your life a living hell.

Brennan was bullied so badly that he had to be pulled out of school and homeschooled. Those kids hated his ass! And look at him now. What more proof do you need that being surrounded by people who want to kill you during your school years doesn't say fucking anything about how loveable you are or what your life will be like as an adult.

[technicaltryhard]

I have no motivation in my life. I should want to improve, I should want to change but I can’t bring myself to do what I should be doing.

Lately I’m either enraged or numb. Cycling between being too upset to eat to shovelling in food to fill the void.

[bashcrandicoot]

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

[bashcrandicoot]

I got a full time job recently that was not related to art. At all. I have felt incredibly relieved. Like my life is finally starting as I round the corner to 30. Maybe one day i’ll try and pursue professional art again but like!

I see everyone relating to this comic and sharing their own feelings about it constantly. If you feel like this about art maybe it’d be good for you to step away from it. Something else will come around and art will always be there when you’re ready

[technicaltryhard]

Maybe I won’t wake up tomorrow but I’m sure I will. One day I won’t feel this. One way or another.

[sharkjumpers]

compilation

[syn4k]

[my-random--thoughts-deactivated]

[thisuserhaspassed]

Everybody says congratulations when you get a new job, or start a business, or buy a house, or have a baby, or get married, or buy a new car...

I just wanted to take a second out of the day to say congratulations to all of you who made it through a hard week this week.

Congratulations to those who are holding it together for the sake of the people you love.

Congratulations to anyone who thought about taking the easy way out and decided to stick around for a while longer.

Congratulations for showing up. Again.

You deserve all the love too.