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@teddytarnieandme
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Thanks for sharing 😊
I think I'm just going to let it sit for a while and will come back to it. I also can't think about it myself at the moment without getting emotional.
In a few months when we're in our own space again, and Arnie is nearly 1 I'll revisit with him, and then we'll go from there. Hopefully we can come to an agreement by then, and if not I'll have given myself plenty of time to make peace with it.
I haven't been on for like 2 months but I need a place to vent a little so here goes.
How do you deal with the fact that your partner doesn't want more kids and you do? How. How am I supposed to not have more kids?
When we first got together I told him straight up that I wanted a big family and four kids. He agreed. I know people can obvs change their minds, but I haven't. How do I stop myself from resenting him later in life?
I still see myself with a big family. And it's not that I'm not happy with my two boys because I am, but I always thought there'd be more. I feel like I didn't appreciate my last pregnancy enough. I didn't know it would potentially be my last.
Thinking about this make me want to cry. I wanted to start trying again once Arnie was 1 so there's nine months for him to maybe change his mind.
He's jokingly talks about getting a secret vasectomy. And I already know how I'd respond to that. I don't believe he'd actually do it.
I actually think the trauma of Teddy's birth may have contributed to this, but there's no way of knowing.
Has anyone else struggled with this? I'm honestly at a loss.
Arnie: wakes up at 6:40am with gas pains and loads of crying
Me: Gives in after 15 mins of trying to calm him down in the bedroom because I'm obvs not going to be going back to sleep
Me: Goes downstairs, struggles to make coffee one handed and calm upset baby
Me: Has first sip of badly made coffee and sits on lounge ready to calm upset Arnie
Arnie: Immediately asleep again, cracking wind smiles at me
😒😐
6 weeks old
Had our 6 week checkup yesterday. We're both going good. My stitches have healed well, and I declined getting a script for the pill.
Arnie was a champ for his vaccinations and fed immediately after. He was a bit unsettled most of yesterday afternoon, but we gave him a bit of panadol and he was fine.
I can't believe he's already 6 weeks old! Time flies when you're sleep deprived 😂
I already feel like a shit mum today and it's not even 12pm.
Arnie is impossible to put down, and will only sleep while being held. Teddy has already had a massive meltdown because he wants me to play with him and I can't.
I've already sworn under my breath more times than I can count, and feel like having a meltdown myself.
T hasn't even left for work yet, but has been outside moving some shit out from under the house for the old owner and is getting paid for it. He'll be leaving for work probs within the hour.
Fucked if I know what my MIL has been doing while I'm on the verge - but it's not helping me which is why she supposedly moved in with us. BIL played with Teddy for probs 10 mins and then needed to rest 🙄
Fuck my life. I'd rather them not live with us at all and deal with this on my own without the 'help' if this is the 'help' 🙄🙄
I'm going to be a moody bitch all day.
The weather predictions for today are scary. Most of the state has severe or extreme fire ratings - three areas have catastrophic.
The fire prediction maps are horrific. Our house is on the edge of them so we packed a bag last night just incase we've got to leave quickly.
I hope the predictions are wrong and that they've overestimated - idk how our community will be able to come back if they're correct. Our entire valley will pretty much be gone if they're correct.
Mum and my brother are packing their cars this morning, ready to go at a moments notice.
The map below is the predicted fire areas. Red is where they're predicting it will go, black/grey is where it is currently.
Saw pictures of my aunt and uncles place yesterday - it's literally just a pile of roofing on the ground.
T went out there yesterday to help with some farm stuff as there's still cattle there.
I was at mum's helping them prepare for tomorrow's expected fire conditions. At the moment her place is fine, but if the fire gets across the main highway (which is incredibly likely tomorrow as embers have been traveling +10km in front of the main fire front & there's strong winds predicted for tomorrow, as well as high temps) then they'll be evacuating.
I don't know if mum and X's relationship will last this.
A few weeks ago when X was welding, a spark flew and lit our hothouse on fire - that was 17 years of our life while mum and dad were running the nursery; and X wasn't very sensitive to the fact we were all grieving the loss of that part of our lives.
Now when there are fires literally all around us, he isn't taking fire preparation seriously. I'd have thought after seeing the devastation of the hothouse a few weeks ago would've been enough for him to take the potential loss of house seriously. But apparently not.
Mum is incredibly fed up, and I don't blame her. I don't think I'd still be dealing with it tbh.
Just had an update from mum - my aunt and uncle have lost everything.
The entire life and livelihood is gone.
That's at least 12 if not 15 years of work and building and planting gone - their banana trees, coffee bushes, stone fruit trees - as well as their house and sheds 😔😔 I imagine they would have had to leave their poultry behind too...
To my knowledge my Pa's place is still standing, but the RFS app isn't able to keep up with the fires so I have no idea how close it is to their properties 😕
ETA: Pic of the sky in my hometown yesterday afternoon
The fires here are insane - the entire north - mid north coast of NSW is pretty much alight.
My aunt, uncle and Pa had to evacuate their homes earlier tonight. My uncle told my mum that the last thing he saw was the fire coming over the ridge and a helicopter water bombing their house.
I cannot believe it. It's bloody insane.
It's reasonable to put "nap" on my to-do list today, right? 😅
Anyone taken their own newborn photos? 👶📸
We keep having to reschedule with our photographer for one reason or another and I'd like some while he's still little 😅
Been doing a bit of research and going to give it a go tomorrow, so we'll see how I do I guess 😬
Teddy decided this afternoon that he wanted to go for a sleepover at Granna's and after loads of discussion with him, he went home with Granna 😮
Guess we'll see if he stays the night or not 😫
My little man is growing up 😢
Arnie's Birth Story
On Tuesday night (8/10/19) at around 6pm I was feeling a lot of pressure on my pubic bone, I googled what it might be from and found symphysis pubis diastasis. Satisfied with that answer I made a mental note to discuss with the doctor at my appointment on Wednesday.
During the next few hours the pain seemed to be getting worse so I got the heat pack and chilled on the lounge during dinner. It wasn't until around 8:30pm when we were getting ready to shower that I started noticing a pattern to the pain.
After the shower it seemed like it was getting more intense, so out of curiosity I started timing it - each was about 40 seconds long, 4 mins apart. At this point I was pretty sure I was in labour.
Because there was still a little under 4 weeks until his due date, I called the local hospital to see if I could be seen and confirm that yes I was in labour. That was the longest 10 minute phonecall of my life.
Tom and I decided to drive to the hospital to get check out, we were there for around 30 mins and in hindsight we should've gone straight to the hospital I'd be delivering at. When at our local hospital my contractions seemed to be getting more intense - I was definitely in labour. We drove to the larger hospital, and I sent my student midwife a message to let her know what was happening.
We arrived at around 11:30pm and I was taken straight into a birthing room when we arrived, I assume the midwife from our local hospital had called ahead to let them know we were coming. After having obs done and going over my notes they left me to labour.
I have no idea what time it was, but eventually I really needed to get some rest. The midwife gave me some panadine forte to take the edge off my contractions and a small dose sleeping tablet so I could rest. I was also cannulated as I was a VBAC patient and if things went pear shaped they needed to have quick access to veins. I think at this point the midwife also checked my cervix and I was 4cm dilated.
We managed to rest a bit, but I honestly don't think I slept during the early morning hours at all. At 11am the obstetrician came and checked my cervix, I was at 6cm and she offered to break my waters. I agreed because I was ready for things to speed up a bit and meet our little man.
Things progressed incredibly quickly from there. My student midwife was contacted to come in as everything was starting to happen and she wasn't sure she was going to make it in time. Before I knew it one of the midwives was telling me I needed to let them know if I felt the need to push. It felt like less than 5 mins later and I felt the strongest need to start pushing.
My cervix was checked again and I was at 10cm. I labored on my back for a bit as the sensations were so intense I wasn't sure I could move. At one point I opened my eyes and saw my student midwife and a massive wave of relief washed over me. She made it and she was the best support, other than Tom throughout the rest of my delivery.
I have no idea how much time had passed, how many times I pushed or when I moved from being on my back to on my knees leaning on the bed head, but before I knew it I could hear them saying they could see his head.
At 12:38pm with what seemed like a massive few pushes, Arnold was born with one hand up by his head. He was handed straight to me, and I think both Tom and I were in shock at what we'd just achieved. A natural birth so completely different to Teddy's emergency caesar, and I think it healed both of us in a way.
After delayed cord cutting, Tom was able to cut the cord - something he didn't get to do with Teddy. Unfortunately I ended up with a second degree tear, we think due to the fact his hand was up by his head. But thankfully, I was able to have skin to skin and his first breastfeed while they stitched me up.
He'll be two weeks old tomorrow and honestly it feels like he's always been here with us. We had a bit of a ride with his jaundice thinking we'd be admitted to hospital again after a week of daily SBRs, but thankfully we didn't have to go in again!
I had a visit from the family health nurse today and Arnie is already back at his birth weight (exactly his birth weight!).
So we got to go home yesterday...
But we had to come back in today because his jaundice test was borderline. They repeated the test and still weren't happy with the results so he had a blood test done.
Blood test results came back aaaannnd he's having light therapy for the jaundice because he's only borderline but enough for them to be concerned.
So I'm boarding in hospital while he's in the special care nursery. I had a mini panic attack when we first went in there this afternoon because it took me straight back to when Teddy was born. I didn't think we'd need to be in there again 😖
Hopefully we'll just be here overnight. They're redoing the blood test at about 6am and the pediatricians will review the results between 7 and 8am.
Fingers crossed that we go home by 12 😥
Arnold John was born today (9 Oct 19) at 12:38pm, weighing 3.2kgs and was 51cm long 😍😍
When I said I thought he was going to come early yesterday, I didn't mean today 😂 but here he is and we had an amazing vbac experience 😊
This child needs to get his cute butt out of my ribs. He's recently swapped from being on my left to my right and it is worlds of uncomfortable compared to the other side.
I also think he's going to come before his due date. I have so much pressure on my pubic bone, which I don't remember having with Teddy at all + mother's intuition.
Although I thought Teddy was going to go past his EDD and he came two days before it so what would I know? 😆
It's completely normal and not at all weird to put bandaids on your boobs so you can tell your boob shark toddler that they're 'hurt' and 'broken' and need to get better before the baby comes, right??
Not a complete lie, I'm pretty sure they're bruised AF from all his chomping 😒 I defs need this last four weeks for them to heal so when I have a newborn learning to feed it's not anymore uncomfortable than it has it be 😥
Gosh I hope this helps Bear wean 😬