city of stars

city of stars are you shinig just for me ???

[tedyruby]

I was once ted mosby and i will never but NEVER be ted mosby EVER in my life. Thank to you. I mean how did he survive

[tedyruby]

ig: itsgincina

[tedyruby]

I meant something to you right ?????

[tedyruby]

I didnt the moment i thought i did you proved me wrong again...

[tedyruby]

They be loving someone and im another story

[tedyruby]

Ohh no no no i didnt mean anything to you... i just wanted to believe so cuz im a fool thinking that i meant something. The reels you liked, the way youre looking at me i dont know i let myself think that i did but it was all a lie and im the fool for believing. I feel so stupid i am so stupid. How the hell did i made myself believe that aghhh

I wanna cry my eyes out but for somehow theyre not coming. I dont know

Aghh what an idiot i am

[tedyruby]

I meant something to you right ?????

[tedyruby]

I miss the times were lyrics didnt mean anything

[tedyruby]

Ahh i just love being a fangirl soo much. I freaking lovee being alone. with my own thoughts, with myself... i just fricking love it soo much.

Its like i can never be unhappy with music and movies and series, pinterest, letterboxd, spotify... as long as these exist i will forever be content. Even when im depressed, sad it doesnt matter they will always get me. Cuz they are my comfort place. A place that would never judge me, where i can be fully me. Ahh god i fucking love itt

[tedyruby]

Looking for a friend who is into the smiths

[tedyruby]

Why do i still care for you so much even after all of that ?? Why im still crying ?

Why cant feelings just go away ? Why they are soo hard to get rid off ?

Why isnt there a switch to turn off those feelings that wouldnt go away ?

Nothing is helping. Knowing you're a bad person doesnt, knowing all the bad things about you doesnt... i still have someting for you

[tedyruby]

Ahh human interactions... so simple yet so confusing.

People in love try to make sense out of every little thing, every move, anything to hold on, to make sense out of the madness that they are in.

Words... the amount of power they held on, the energy is consuming sometimes. The words that will never come out, the words that we can never take back...

And sometimes its the eyes

The eyes. Its all kept barried in there. Try to look for the other two eye. To catch them sometimes. And sometimes rigt when they meet they run...

To tell thing that we can never say in words, that we can never explain.

Do the eyes lie ?

I dont know. But yours did or maybe i just saw what i wanted to see who knows maybe im just fooling myself. I just really want to believe that you may have liked me at some point.

Its sooo.... ahh i dont know whats sooo

Its just degrading sometimes. I mean why... i am tired of asking why

Caring soo much for someone and thinking that they do aswell but than it turns out that they dont. Not even a little. And its ssooo easy for them to walk away and your just standing there wondering why, asking how why and whats was wrong, did i do something wrong, why was i so easy to be left.

And in the end its just you. They dont even think that you are worth for an explanation , thinking that youll get it eventually when they ghost you and your just waiting there standing and then you send the last text to get that closure. And you do get it but not an explanation. Left with a forced goodbye...

And then the endless incounters... its like the universe is torturing you more and more and the wierdness between you and them.

[tedyruby]

I think im starting to letting you go

[tedyruby]

I miss the time were i didnt relate to music i listen to...

[tedyruby]

I missed the old me

Who used to have fun in her own wierd little world

Who used to be happy on her own

Who used to be happy alone

Who used to enjoy the things she does

To the things she listens

To the things she watches

Who used to not care about anything little

I dont remember her clearly anymore

What did she used to do ?

[tedyruby]

I feel so stupid

For attaching for someone who didnt even cared a little for me

And i hate the way i still care for him

I hate the way i still cry

I hate the way that hes all i can think of

I hate the way i care too much for him

I hate the way i love hard

[tedyruby]

Fuck it.

You know what if you leave things just the way they are now youll regret it for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. And even if nothing happens at least youll have Closure

[tedyruby]

He didnt even think i was worth for a closure he just walked away

[tedyruby]

What hurts the most is that you didnt think i wasnt even worth an explanation