and they hate me too!

wasted   AMERICA  we  are  the  KINGS.  dependent  bradley  bradley  for  asphxiahq.

[teenagewste]

MARRY  ME  SO  YOU  CAN’T  TESTIFY  AGAINST  ME  IN  COURT  ;  THE  HITS.  

HAPPY  BIRTHDAY  C!  my  chaotic  other  half,  my  same  person  energy partner,  congratulations  on  another  trip  around  the  sun.  thank  you  for  putting  up  with  me  for  yet  another  year  and  here  is  to  two  very  rich,  very  chaotic  people  who  got  married  in  vegas  on  a whim.  you  know  how  much  i  love  you  so  i’m  not  gonna  go  around  in  circles  but  i  love  and  appreciate  you  and  your  chaos  and  your  talent.

@swtsvrndr

[madeforgardens]

#my last two brain cells during an exam

[teenagewste]

@pcthstrayed​

[teenagewste]

shcrksmile‌:

   it was stronger than she anticipated but the burn would die out soon enough and give her the haziness she so desired. “give me a second.” she spoke to the barkeep (the one who luckily hadn’t asked for ID). her head turned to the patron beside her. “got any suggestions for something good?” 

    “  actually,  ”  he  does.  he’s  a  trust  fund  baby  with  an  apartment  in  at  least  five  states.  (  his  family  are  classic  old  money  ;  they’ve  managed  to  maintain  their  fortune,  somehow.  )  he  reaches  over  the  bar  with  a  smile  at  the  bartender  and  an  awkward  shuffle  of  his  id  to  make  sure  he  knows  this  is  legal.  it’s  not,  the  id’s  fake,  but  it’s  good  fake.  his  fingers  press  into  the  tops  of  each  bottle  and  his  face  contorts  in  concentration  until  he  finds  ....  “  got  it  !  ”  he  swipes  the  bottle  of  dark  chocolate  patron  from  under  the  counter  and  pulls  it  free.  “  put  it  on  my  tab,  ”  he  simply  says,  as  he  pulls  the  cork  free  and  pours  liberally  into  a  glass  he  also  steals  from  behind  the  bar.  (  he’s  going  to  put  this  bartender  out  of  a  job.  oh  well.  he’ll  tip  well.  )  he  pours  some  into  his  own  glass  after  he  chugs  the  rest  of  the  whiskey  he’d  chosen  down.  “  try  it.  it’s  patron  from  all  the  nicki  minaj  songs.”

[teenagewste]

ofindcmitability‌:

   there was a LOT to process. lizzie wasn’t dead, and yes he was still processing that. every time she did something new he thought he’d never see again, it was like a FLUTTER in his chest. and they were getting married. just thinking of it brought a smile to his face, it made him dopey. which was what allowed the moment of someone spilling coffee all over his shirt. will could deal with the fucking heat but fuck, he liked that shirt. so there he was in the bathroom, trying to clean it off. maybe if he hadn’t been so distracted he would have remembered to lock the door behind him. “shit.” he wasn’t a fan of people seeing his scars ( that was reserved for only a certain blonde ). it was on him for not locking the door but still— SHIT. 

    people  lock  the  door.  usually,  without  fail.  which  is  why  when  he  invites  himself  into  the  room  (  it’s  a  public  washroom,  it’s  not  like  he’s  jail  breaking  the  guys  space  )  he’s  surprised  to  see  it  occupied.  “  heyyy,  man.  ”  he  realises  three  things  at  once;  one,  the  guy’s  cleaning  his  shirt,  if  that’s  what  he  can  call  the  soaking  wet  mass  of  sunken  colour  in  the  sink.  two,  that’s  a  relief,  because  he  really  wasn’t  looking  to  end  up  in  the  middle  of  some  dude’s  public  bathroom  fetish.  (  no  shame,  but  he’ll  always  judge.  )  and  three,  he’s  ...  covered  in  scars.  assassin’s  creed  level  scars.  it  leads  him  to  the  conclusion  that  if  this  were  a  game,  he’d  either  be  a)  the  minor  character  that  serves  as  the  know  it  all  stranger  and  is  used  as  a  tool  to  unlock  the  main  character’s  level  ten  tragic  backstory.  or  b)  the  happy  go  lucky  sidekick  that  switches  sides  towards  the  end  of  the  game  for  shock  value.  (  he’s  been  playing  a  lot  of  call  of  duty.  no  correlation.  )  “  you  good?  ”  he  gestures  behind  him,  to  the  door  that’s  now  closing  under  it’s  weight.  “  because,  you  know,  people  usually  lock  those.  ”

[tobintitrps]

[teenagewste]

@swtsvrndr

[humorblr]

[teenagewste]

@swtsvrndr

[wombshaker]

[humorblr]

[teenagewste]

that’s  bradley  emmett  duke  not  jonathan whitesell.  he’s  nineteen  years  old  and  a  witch.  he may  be  +  approachable, +  enthusiastic,  &  +  entrepreneurial  but  he’s  also  -unscrupulous,  -  impatient  &  -  self-serving. 

the  good  bread  doth  arriveth.  

bradley  grew  up  with  arlo  park,  a  fellow  witch.  he  was  from  a  less  prominent  coven.  established  but  small.  the  dukes  aren’t  exactly  a  household  name.  

although  bradley  has  spent  his  entire  life  vowing  he’ll  go  to  duke  when  college  comes.  he  hasn’t,  because  he’s  chosen  not  to  go  to  college,  so  now  he  vows  to  become  a  royal  duke.  he’s  stupid.  

his  father  is  a  failed  business  man  and  his  mother  a  concert  pianist.  his house  is  eclectic  ;  think  of  full  house  but  with  magic  and  replace  all  the  other  children  with  pets.  black  cats  (  oh  yeah,  where  do  you  think  bradley  got  all  his  extra  from  ),  labradors,  a  raven  or  two.  the  labradors  are  mostly  mementos  from  his  childhood  innocence  at  this  point  but  he  still  loves  them.  

he  followed  arlo  into  san  francisco,  because  of  course  he  did.  he  needs  the  bonnie  to  his  clyde.  (  just  not  romantically.  no  offence  arlo,  but  no.  )  his  mother  followed  him  mostly  because  she  didn’t  trust  him  to  function  on  his  own.  and  she  was  right,  ladies  and  gents.

since  bradley’s  been  in  san  francisco,  he’s  tried  to  con  victoria  villalobos  out  of  her  money  for  performing  a  spell  on  her  in  an  induced  dream.  he’s  helped  aidy  silvermist  here  and  there,  not  knowing  that  she’s  more  or  less  a  malicious  psychopath.  (  not  that  he’d  particularly  care.  which,  yikes.  )  and,  as  the  main  event,  enlisted  with  finn  mikaelson  as  his  resident  witch  on  call.  which  led  to,  accidentally  (  and  in  bradley’s  mind  just  a  little  amusingly  ),  finn  mikaelson  taking  over  arlo’s  body.

naturally,  he  panicked.  considering  arlo’s  body  is  currently  inhabited  by  an  original  and  said  original’s  body  was  stashed  away  in  the  safety  of  a  coffin.  he’s  been  moving  arlo  into  available  bodies  ever  since.  first  came  morgan  cummings,  a  triggered  werewolf  with  anger  issues  and  homophobia.  naturally,  that  body  wasn’t  sustainable.  

so,  bradley  found  aiden  kincaid.  he  was  rich,  and  tall,  and  bradley  thought  he  was  making  the  best  of  a  bad  situation.  little  did  he  know,  aiden  was  in  transition.  and  checked  out  of  his  own  life.  yep,  he’s  officially  made  things  worse.  sorry,  vamplo?  at  least  maya  marceli’s  amused.  he  thinks  that’s  the  least  she  deserves,  given  the  obvious.  

[jonahsimms]

#in sync

[teenagewste]

@swtsvrndr

[centralperksource]

[oopsprompts]

“This was your idea, you can’t – ”

“I in no way told you to do this!”

[teenagewste]

@pcthstrayed

[teenagewste]

enhancedmarcelgerard‌:

“Well make sure you get it done before you head out with your little friends, you hear?” Marcel listens to his son answer and he nods his head, “Yeah this weekend you got to help me with the paint job in the kitchen, don’t you forget that either. No excuses man or we’re gonna have your mom to face. Love ya, go on have fun.” Marcel hangs up and pockets his phone, “Teenagers, little jerk just mumbled yeah yeah at me. Being too cool with his friends.”

@apxstarters​

    “ maybe it’s evolution. ”  no one asked for your opinion,  bradley.  (  is he giving it anyway?  obviously.  )  “ we have to be stupid before we’re smart. ”  he would know.  except,  perhaps unlike this man’s son,  he doesn’t think he’s ever going to outgrow his chaotic stupidity.  it’s the cornerstone of his personality.  it’s like giving beyoncé a second name.  ultimate no no.  

[teenagewste]

bxckfromthedead‌:

“You know what? I just can’t believe you would do this behind my back. I thought I could trust you!” Piper exclaimed in disbelief, resting her head in her hands for a moment before looking up.

    he’s frozen,  lollipop already in his mouth and the wrapper crumpled in his palm.  “ if it makes you feel any better,  taking candy from strangers is the least stupid thing i’ve done this week. ” not untrue.  so far this week he’d,  in no particular order  :  gotten his friend’s body hijacked and removed from the narrative,  put him in the body of someone else entirely,  and then used his failures to get a dead-alive girl he happened to be friends with to feel better.  candy theft has nothing on him.  

[teenagewste]

    he’s in deep shit.  he’s up a creek with no paddle.  he’s practically dancing in the chaos all of his own creation.  yeah,  he’s in trouble.  a  (  seemingly  )  harmless and usual business transaction was about to turn into sorry i gave an old dead guy your body and then let him run away with it.  also the old dead guy is currently in a coffin so i put you in the first stupid guy i could find.  sorry.  (  frankly,  he doesn’t think there’s a good reaction to that.  and he also isn’t expecting one.  )  when arlo starts to come to,  he looks guilty as sin.  “ heeeey,  buddy. ”  he’s reaching into his bag,  pulling out a bag of chips and extending it like an olive branch.  (  he’s not stupid.  except he is.  all the time.  )  “ you’re looking good. ”   ha ha ha,  he’s in danger.  begin the frantic search for the paddle.       @pcthstrayed​  

[teenagewste]

swtsvrndr‌:

       “  my  parents  keep  talking  about  going  to  switzerland  for  the  summer  and  like,  i  know  they’re  pretty  unobservant  but  i  think  they  might  notice  if  i  don’t  show  up  on  the  tarmac. ”    which  is  a  tragedy  because  she  loves  flying.  loves  travel  in  general.  as  much  as  she’d  like  to  test  the  limits  of  magic,  she’s  pretty  sure  flying  past  the  former  barriers  limits  will  have  the  same  effect  as  if  she’d  crossed  it  on  foot.   she  might  not  love  living,  but  she  definitely  likes  it  better  than  crumbling  into  ash.   no  fucking  thank  you.   “  –  this  is  where  you,  my  friend,  should  offer  to  curse  the  guy  who  did  this  to  me.   i  don’t  care  that  he’s  your  best  friend. ”   she  glares.  “  –  which  speaks  volumes  to  your  shitty  taste. ”    in  friends,  in  halloween  costumes;   just  terrible  taste  all  around.   @teenagewste​

    “ you could always say you have a thing against swedish cuisine. ”  that is less than the best suggestion he could’ve provided.  it’s less than a mediocre suggestion he could’ve provided.  his best friend may have been stupid  (  so stupid  )  and clearly in a crisis of entirely homosexual nature,  but he thinks he may actually be worse.  by virtue of sheer,  chaotic ignorance.  “ i mean,  i put him in the body of a white dude. ”  that does not sound good.  “ after i accidentally sold his body to an original vampire for a quick buck. ”  he’s owning his failures.  like a mature,  responsible individual.  (  he is neither of those things,  he doesn’t know who he’s kidding.  )  “ and now i kind of can’t find his body.  so,  shitty taste and shitty decisions,  i guess that’s a curse. ”  is that going to make her feel better?  probably not.  but hey,  at least he tried. 

[teenagewste]

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

    someone who is as chaotically stupid as him.  he’s attracted to people who he thinks will still put themselves first in a relationship with him.  is that healthy? probably not.  but it comes from his deeply selfish core and the fact he looks out for bradley first and foremost.  he wants to be left in the balance of the possibility at being left at the drop of a hat,  it keeps things exciting.  as for looks,  he doesn’t really have a type.  as long as his girlfriend is as chaotically stupid and selfish as him,  he’s going to be attracted to her.  that said,  he has a thing for blondes and red heads.