tequila's musings

I've been saving this url for 4 years. I suppose its time has come. This blog is a collection of reflective pieces while at UNCC.

[tequilarobinson]

Reflection on Spring 2017 at UNCC

Being in college has made me hate school.  I used to be that kid that answered ‘yes’ when their random relative asked if they were ready for school again after summer break. I loved all things school and I had a passion for learning. While in school, I had friends; I was safe; I had a purpose. I thought that college would be even better. If somebody were to ask me if I was ready for school these days, it would take every ounce of strength in me not to sue them for emotional distress.  College has been the bane of my existence since I started way back in 2013. Endless deadlines, unbearable social pressure, and lack of sleep have transformed me from an overachieving goody-two-shoes to a pessimistic nervous wreck. The constant attack on my mental health has literally threatened my life and I could do without the institution-sanctioned judgment of my work these days. Although I had many great moments during my most recent semester-- winning Outstanding Student Leader of the Week and successfully coordinating one of the biggest events of the year, for example-- the celebration was always spoiled by some upsetting realization that I still had some rapidly approaching deadline that would play some part in deciding my future. I just wish that the postsecondary learning experience was more laidback and less stress-inducing. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so miserable.

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On “Do Schools Kill Creativity”

To me, Ken Robinson’s overarching argument in this TEDTalk is that creativity in schools should be embraced as much as literacy is embraced.  I agree with Robinson’s conclusion that creativity is almost frowned upon in schools. Schools are preoccupied with ‘preparing’ students for work or university. It almost seems like that one of their curriculum core points is to remove all thoughts of creative expression from students' minds. It’s disappointing to think that school systems are so hell-bent on their passing rates and other quantitative things like that, that students are unable to be themselves in the most authentic way. 

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On “The Power of Vulnerability” TEDTalk

Brené Brown’s TEDTalk on vulnerability was super deep and I’m not sure why Professor Campbell would want us to-get-even-deeper-into-our-feelingswhenheknowswe’reallstressedoutabouttheendofthesemesterandfinalsweekcomingup.

But that’s a discussion for another blog post... I as previously mentioned in my ‘Dear Malcolm...’ letter and probably a few blog posts, I am not a fan of being vulnerable. My reasoning being it’s super hard because it leaves you open to being hurt and you have no control over what happens after being vulnerable So my rationale pretty much supports Brown’s research.  In her talk, she said that her data analysis revealed that the people who were able to be vulnerable were able to just let things happen and to do something without guarantees-- to just abandon the need for control. She said that these people thought it was fundamental to have a true sense of love and belonging.  Ugh. I personally feel like love and belonging are two things that everybody desires at some point in time. To hear that there is data showing that vulnerability is necessary to feel a sense of love and belonging is terrifying and discouraging. Like, who wants to hear that true love and true belonging do not mesh with their current habits?! Change is hard (and my natal chart shows Taurus dominance). I will probably need to visit my therapist, like Brown, and take the yearlong journey to vulnerability as she did because there is no way that I will be willingly vulnerable without guidance.  Regardless of my shortcomings and future struggles, I found  Brené Brown’s research and presentation to be fascinating and I look forward to reading/hearing more about it.

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On “Why 30 is not the new 20″ (video)

I am not sure how I feel about this video.

I agree with what Meg Jay had to say. I have always sort of thought that the age of 18 is when you become a mini adult and 20 is when you become an adult-adult. I thought that once I hit my twenties, I had to have my adult life figured out. I had to figure out where I wanted to settle down in my adulthood; what I wanted my career to be; I had to be on the lookout for a potential life partner. I had to have finished working on myself. I had to be set. If I didn’t have these things set or on the way to being set, then I was a failure. I thought that my twenties would be the decade that counted the most. Jay’s ideology is that people’s twenties are their defining decade and that people should use it to their advantage and not squander it doing whatever and whoever. 

However, I also feel that today’s society puts an exorbitant amount of pressure on everyone to have certain things accomplished by certain times and it is unfair. I feel that for a country that totes personal freedom as one of it’s greatest assets, we do a terrible job of letting people be free-- we don’t do a good job of letting people do what they want to do. It is unfair to expect everyone to be settled down in their thirties or to be at the peak of their career or whatever. I feel like we should just let people be. I feel that when we stop concerning ourselves with these society’s unspoken expectations for our lives, we’ll be much happier; when society stops setting these unfair expectations, we’ll be happier.

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On TedTalk on Happiness

In this TEDTalk, Michael Norton shares his research on how spending money can benefit you. His data revealed the many ways pro-social spending can benefit you, your work, and other people.

According to his research, the people who spent money on other people got happier, regardless of the amount. Also, people who spend money on their team (work/play), help to increase the morale and performance. He helped to conduct this research in many countries and found these patterns to be virtually universal. I found Norton’s presentation to be fascinating. The thing that stood out to me the most was the fact that regardless of the amount of money, the effect on the giver was still the same. It made me wonder: if more people saw this and took heed to it, would the world be a better place?

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On “How to Make Hard Choices”

Ruth Chang’s perspective on how to make hard choices was quite...broadening...motivating...life-changing.

A bit dramatic of me, sure, but her perspective helped to change my perspective. 

Prior to watching this TEDTalk, if I were offered the choice between the job as an investment banker and a job as a graphic designer, I would be stuck. The investment banking job is guaranteed bank. But I’ve always secretly wanted to be a graphic designer. I would be stuck. I would worry, if I were to choose one over the other, about whether or not I had made the right choice, about whether or not I had chosen the better option, about whether or not I was letting anyone down. But if I were to look at the choices as ‘on a par,’ and exercise my power to create my own reasons for choosing one occupation over another, I would be free from outside expectations and the decision would be a lot easier to make. Chang’s ideology is one that would make my life a lot easier as I am someone who is constantly worried about whether or not I have made the right decision. If I let myself use the power to make my own reasons for doing something and actually give weight to those reasons in my decision-making, I will be a lot happier.

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On “Why Writers are the Worst Procrastinators”

This was an interesting read. My favorite part was the bit on “self-handicapping.” Although I feel I engage in this practice quite often, it is...unsettling(?) to read. When reading it, I thought, “why sabotage yourself? Turning something in is better than turning in nothing.” Then I sat back and reflected. I am literally a professional self-handicapper. I can think of many times I neglected to complete an assignment turn something in because I thought it sucked. It’s both comforting and unsettling to think that there are enough people out there that do similar things for there to be an official name for it.

Writing is just a miserable task. Mainly writing for other people, like for assignments. I never know how to begin, my mind moves too quickly for my hands, and nothing ever sounds as good on paper as it does in your head. Writing sucks and I don’t understand why we have to be graded on it.

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On “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are”(TEDTalk)

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy demonstrates how certain postures can affect our brain chemistry and people’s perception of us. As someone who has been studying psychology for about four years now, this TEDTalk was sort of repetitive for me. Psychology professors love to use examples dealing with body language in their lectures. It was also hard for me to watch this knowing of the conflicting research. It was hard because I had some trouble concentrating on what she was saying as I was too busy thinking of that (TED even has an FAQ linked on the page referencing the conflicting research). Regardless of that, I think the idea that certain postures can change our body chemistry is fascinating. That our bodies are so complex that a simple change in position can make us feel more confident or tired or more powerful is amazing.

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On “The Shadow Scholar”

In this article, Ed Dante talked about his experience of being paid to write academic papers for students. He also commented on the types of students that typically commissioned him to write the papers and his theories on why students chose to be academically dishonest in such a way.  This was probably one of my favorite required readings ever. 

...Aside from The Great Gatsby and The Count of Monte Cristo in high school. 

It was compelling and I enjoyed reading about how the writer felt helping people to cheat. I initially found it extremely surprising that the writer had completed graduate-level work, especially the doctoral-level work. You would think that if someone had decided to continue with school for that long, they would have picked up some sort of composition techniques along the way. It was even more surprising, initially, to read that his biggest customer base were education majors!  But then I thought again. These days, degrees are somewhat meaningless. All you need are passing grades and you got it. Not to say that getting a degree is easy, or that anyone can do it, but the possession of a degree does not guarantee the possession of knowledge. Many times, as evidenced in this article, people are academically dishonest. It is virtually impossible for teachers to rule out all forms of academic dishonesty. 

This article further pushes my anti-grade agenda.

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On “Why Walking Helps us Think”

 Anytime Charlotte gets nice weather, you’ll find me walking and thinking (lol). For someone who’s mind is constantly being overrun with worrisome thoughts, a leisurely walk along the greenway is just what I need to slow things down in my head and take a breather. Needless to say, I found this article to be very affirming. The fact that scientific research has been done concerning the relationship between walking and thinking fascinates me to no end, especially the part about our thoughts churning along with the speed of our gait. 

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On “Nobody Writes Alone”

I agree with the opening topics presented in the video. Peer review is very helpful in producing quality work. When done effectively, peer review can allow one to gain new perspectives on certain topics and to approach your work from a different angle. Peer review is enriching and constructive and a necessary tool to use. Peer review was not helpful for me this time as I did not receive my comments back until it was too late. Regardless of that, my writing, academic or otherwise, is not something I typically like to share. So my group’s lack of preparation was somewhat of a blessing. If I share something with someone, I’m desperate and losing control. When done correctly, writing is somewhat of a personal thing, even academic writing. The way we put words together, create sentences, and build paragraphs is something almost completely unique. Yeah, we can follow templates, et cetera, but at the end of the day, you write on your own, and it requires some level of vulnerability to share your thoughts with others. 

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On “From Degrading to De-grading”

This article. This article. This article. I have to print this and keep a copy with me at ALL times. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOREVER. GRADES DON’T MATTER. THEY ARE ARBITRARY AND ARE NOT A SIGN OF KNOWLEDGE. IF ANYTHING IT IS AN INDICATOR OF SHEEPLE-NESS. 

But I still want an A. I was somewhat of an intelligent child--like taking 2nd-grade math classes during kindergarten nap time. I grasped concepts fairly quickly with minimal effort and always had my hand raised with the correct answer to the teacher’s question. My grades were kind of shi-ty though. Were it not for my above 90-th percentile scores on the EOGs I would have failed 4th and 5th grade. Teachers (and my parents) were always surprised (and appalled) at my unsatisfactory marks and couldn’t understand how a child who was constantly reading and liked to do math for fun was failing her classes. They didn’t consider grades to be an arbitrary way of telling how well you followed directions and could regurgitate another person’s way of thought. Like 10 points off for not putting your name on the top? That’s an entire letter grade. My grade of 85% doesn’t show that I knew 95 percent of the material. Grades are misleading.  Again, I have felt this way for a long time. I wasn’t aware of the research supporting how I felt. One of the most interesting bits of research presented was that grades change the quality of students thought-processing. As a student, I definitely can identify with not wanting to think as deeply about an assignment and to only use information that I knew the teacher would appreciate just to get the grade. The article was interesting to read and made me want to become a teacher so that I could tell all of my students that grades don’t matter. If more high schools adopted a no-grade model, I feel that many students’ quality of life would be greatly improved as a main source of stress for many of us is our grades. 

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On “Don’t Stay in School” and “Why I Hate School, but Love Education”

These two pieces touched on the failings of institutionalized education to prepare students for life. 

The speaker in “Don’t Stay in School” was focused on school systems’ preoccupation with teaching us random facts and figures as opposed to life skills and how to be an adult. A specific line given was, “I was never taught how to vote/ they devoted that time to defining isotopes.” 

While it touched on similar ideas to those in “Don’t Stay in School,”  “Why I Hate School, but Love Education” was more focused on the fact that a degree isn’t required to be successful in life. He gave many examples of people who did not finish school and became multi-millionaires, such as Bill Gates and Oprah. Both of these pieces spoke to me on a deep level. I used to be one of those people who thought if you didn’t go to college after high school, even community college, you were wasting your life and you didn’t have much going for yourself. However, once I got to college, I realized it couldn’t be further from the truth. Although it’s great to be educated, institutionalized education needs reform. Schools are so focused on having the highest test scores, and receiving grant funding, and having a good reputation that they forget to focus on the student and what the student will need to be successful in life. Although we pay to go to college, students are treated as if they are members of a lower class by faculty staff, and other university officials. Professors are constantly on you about things that won’t matter in the long run and other university officials don’t care about you if you’re not making the school money or making them look good. It seems, sometimes, that professors are more concerned about having something to grade or students having something to do than actually teaching and making sure students know what they’re doing. I know of many students that leave classes with A’s and couldn’t tell you a single thing about what they learned.

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On “Shitty First Drafts”

When I first read the title of this piece, I felt dread. I just knew that the piece was going to be a drawn-out complaint about shitty college student writing and how miserable it was to read. I thought, “Oh geez, I should just drop this class now and try to take it online sometime so that I don’t have to show my face.”  When I read the first paragraph, I felt relief.  The writer seemed to understand my pain and frustration with the writing process. The feeling of imaginary expectations of perfect, seamless, engaging wordsmithery bearing down on your shoulders, causing untimely procrastination seemed as familiar to her as it did to me. The writer’s description of writing without abandon just to have something on the page was uncomfortably familiar. I realized that it might just be somewhat kind of normal to dread starting the writing process. I mean, all things considered, most of us write shitty first drafts and I need to trust the process.