Folks who are from Oakland know only too well the anguish of losing someone they love to violence. Such ideation becomes intensified when you canât pinpoint from which direction that violent act may have originated. On any given day, prevalence of recurring street violence could eliminate someone you have come to know. Pressures of the streets change people and maybe a âfriendâ was never really a friend, a petty argument arose, and someone is eliminated from your life. Similar scenarios are played out when it is your loved one that has a hard time controlling their temper around law enforcement. Maybe they dropped the defenses theyâd been told to erect since childhood to stay alive. They uttered something that rubbed a cop the wrong way, (mis)-leading to a beating by of supposed order against one, taking advantage of created chaos, prompting an immediate execution. What if he hadnât uttered anything defiant and simply had been minding his own concerns? Why would the cops emphasise such dehumanizing aggression dealing with a black man? They donât see him like I know him.Theyâre incapable of that type of compassion, empathy or honesty. I regard him to be a goofy, kind, smart, individual. But in the eyes of the law he is anything but that. Constantly renewing scenarios have rented a room in my mind and seek to extend their stay. Being away from home, phone calls at odd hours send tremors down my spine, evoking an inexplicable sense of panic. Especially, when daylight falls. Itâs a relationship that defies logical understanding, a part of life perhaps meant to be ambiguous. So take what you may, as you are invited to have a glimpse of my inner thoughts. Jarring juxtapositions, buffered at times amidst comforting similarities, an anxiety re-occurring prior to hearing the fate of the one on the other line. Many thanks to everyone who participated in this piece. Please, never forget that I extend my heart to everyone who is forced to endure such horrific bouts of this anxiety.